How long is socially acceptable between Mat leaves?

[pizzawinecake]

I've just returned to work after 14 months off and I'm wondering what would be 'socially' acceptable to get pregnant again (I know I can legally do what I want but why do I feel so guilty?)

For reference- I'm 38, it would be a frozen embryo transfer so I can literally pick when I do it and I dislike my boss/job but I'm in a profession that is considered 'high flying' highly paid job where women put careers ahead of families and return to work much quicker than I did.

I'm considering a September transfer but I'd have only been back 2 months. Too soon? How long did you wait till getting pregnant again? And if it was a short time was it awkward/ did you feel 'guilty'?

I think it's less about being socially acceptable (everyone will have a different opinion), but more about what you want your career to look like in the company and the company culture.

Is it just a job to pay the bills? Go for it whenever you want. Is it a career you want to get to senior levels in asap, in a company with a very make pushy company? Then you'll have to consider image more in order to reach your goal

My ambition died a couple of years ago and now I'm happy for it to be a job rather than a career.

Coming back from mat leave already pregnant raises eyebrows. 11 months is perfectly normal. If you hate your boss I'd be tempted to get in with in in the hope that they might move on.

Just do it. At the end of the day it is your life and not theirs. What are you going to regret more? Having another little one or spending hours trying to be socially acceptable in a job you don't like?

For what it is worth I too used to agonise over things like this. A bit older now and have realised life is far too short and sometimes you just have to do what is right for you and your family.

Shorter gaps are often preferred by employers, they can just put the same arrangements in place again.

You should choose based on whatever works for your family regardless of work.

I'm in my 50's now and the only time it's ever been commented on (not by me) is when someone comes back to work from Mat leave already pregnant.
One woman I worked with had four children all very close together and came back already pregnant three of the times.
Apparently she's still with that company now almost 10 years later so she's loyal.

Honestly, if your work doesn’t stipulate you need to be back a certain time (for enhanced maternity pay etc), it doesn’t matter. It’s fine, you’re 38. Some people will understand, some won’t. I think attitudes are changing a bit anyway. If you do get pregnant, I would plan how you tell people i.e. ‘I’m pregnant!’ vs ‘I’m having another baby..i’m not getting any younger and last pregnancy was tough so I want to do it now’ or ‘I want to have my kids close as I was close to my sibling’ etc, it sounds like you’re justifying but it paints a different picture which impacts your reputation. I would keep the time you’ve already had ‘off’ as completely seperate. You were looking after your baby and will never get that precious time back.

I only had 14 months between two of mine! Only got 4 months maternity leave back then though so returned to work and got pregnant straight away.

I would wait 2 years from giving birth to ensure your body is in the best condition to receive the precious embryo. Forget work this is about your body.

Socially as you put it it would be longer for sure, two years back but time isn't on your side

I was pregnant when I went back. I returned, worked 3 months, then had to take all of my annual leave before finishing for mat leave again!

I think it’s fine. I got pregnant 10 months after I returned so that I ended up having around 1.5 years between mat leaves. Also in a high powered demanding job.

Im also talking off as much as possible rather than my other colleagues who tend to come back no later than 10 months. Way I see it, having a year or two out of a long career isn’t actually that big a deal.

As you’re only 38 I would look at getting a new job. Life is too short to hate your working environment. You’re not even halfway through your working life!

What do you want to do, could you retrain?

Planning your family is too important to subordinate to work. Very likely, you will only have two such career breaks in your entire working life.

I returned pregnant too 🤣🤣 i only had 4 months before going off again. My family comes before my job....

If you really hate the job, I would be more focused on my family life when making the decision. I'm presuming that your baby is now a year old. Do you really want that close an age gap? I had a two year age gap between my children and it was hard going!

I had a colleague who came back from 2 maternity leaves pregnant, so had a year off, back for 6 months ish, another year off, another 6 months in and a final year off.

No one commented about it being socially unacceptable, just that she was brave to have three little ones so close together!

I have 2 years exactly between my dc. Boss sacked me when I announced my second pregnancy. I still feel what would have been nearly a year between maternity leaves is fine.

I don't think anyone outside of your immediate work team cares about your maternity leave gaps and everyone forgets pretty quickly. I think some women (including me in the past) feel overly guilty or responsible about making decisions in their personal interests when even a "career" job is just a job.

I still care about and am good at my job.

Plan your transfer in whatever month is best for you and your family.

I think in some ways its less disruptive to have them close together, gets it all out of the way relatively quickly. Also no one really bats an eyelid much, in fact it is so normal for a woman to have two babies in fairly quick succession it's half expected. Mine were two years apart (I was 36 and 38) and I was back at work after 10 months both times.

Do what works for you.

I got pregnant 6 months after returning to work, but it worked on the first try second time round.

I wouldn't worry about being socially acceptable- there will always be people who will disagree with what you do!

My colleague came back off her maternity leave pregnant and I had 7 years between mine
We both had comments!

Depends on your job. In teaching, it's a nightmare covering classes for a colleague who comes back from maternity leave already pregnant with another or is pregnant within a few months of returning. You also need your body to heal properly and consider parenting two very small children.

At 38, just go for it.

How much of that 10 years has actually been spent at work though?

I really don’t think anyone should be deciding on timing of pregnancy based on social etiquette. Do what’s right for you.

All of it. She said 10 years later, so 10 years since the period of mat leaves ended.