How long is socially acceptable between Mat leaves?

[pizzawinecake]

I've just returned to work after 14 months off and I'm wondering what would be 'socially' acceptable to get pregnant again (I know I can legally do what I want but why do I feel so guilty?)

For reference- I'm 38, it would be a frozen embryo transfer so I can literally pick when I do it and I dislike my boss/job but I'm in a profession that is considered 'high flying' highly paid job where women put careers ahead of families and return to work much quicker than I did.

I'm considering a September transfer but I'd have only been back 2 months. Too soon? How long did you wait till getting pregnant again? And if it was a short time was it awkward/ did you feel 'guilty'?

Thanks. That's reassuring. I've definitely been overthinking it and I hate disappointing people- I feel my manager would be very disappointed in me, but I guess now is the time to be selfish.

I think I'm mostly ready to do it again but more than anything I want Ivf and pregnancy out of the way and I'm definitely feeling I should do it sooner rather than later because of my age and I don't know how long things may take.

On the other hand I think I could enjoy another 6 months with one baby and getting my life back for a bit.

No idea how to make this decision now!

At your age I’d get on with it, im sure you know there’s no guarantees even with a transfer.

How much of that 10 years has actually been spent at work though?

Yep 10 years and counting since her youngest was born.

I would probably get on with it too, especially because this next transfer may not work. How many frozen embryos do you have? If none of them result in a pregnancy, are you prepared to have IVF again? If so, then your age (especially after the transfers(s)) is very relevant.

Hello, just to share my experience.

I work in a professional role and have just had my second baby. I returned to work after a year off with my first, 17 weeks pregnant. I then worked 5 months until my second maternity leave started on my due date. Now taking a shorter maternity leave for my second.

All fine. Tbh I feel it is less disruptive this way as I had told my employer I was pregnant before I went back to work, so they had the option to keep my cover on.

If you don't mind me asking, how long do women in your profession take for leave? Everyone I know seems to take a year and it is alien taking anything less than that.

Do what you feel is right for you.

Im on maternity leave atm, back in January and we plan to start trying again then because I want to get the pregnancy days over with, plus I don’t want to be back at work get stuck into something and then be off again, I’d rather focus on my career after I’ve had all my babies. I don’t really care what my colleagues or my employer thinks. It is a big bank though so that probably makes me feel less guilty.

edit: also a professional and main breadwinner, most people take a year in my profession and no one thinks anything of it. I used to think I was super ambitious which I think I still am but I’ve come to terms with having a chilled few years at work whilst I have babies and get them through nursery

Answers.

Have 4 tested embryos. So should give a decent chance.

Other people take around 6 months off. I took 14 and don't regret it.

I know someone who literally came back heavily pregnant. Stopped their maternity leave in time for their qualifying period which they covered using annual leave, came back 6/7 months pregnant.

Had 13 months off, came back for 11, had another year off. Been at the company for 13 years now and I'm quite happy my maternity leaves were condensed into 3 years in total

Just go for it!

You’re 38 so waiting much longer isn’t ideal anyways.
You would still be working for nearly a year presumably even if all goes well in September (I assume you would work through most of pregnancy).

You have to choose your priorities at each stage of life. Right now is your time to prioritise building your family.

You haven’t done wrong by work. You’ve probably worked for 15 years or so anyways so you’ve already “proved yourself” and you haven’t come back from Mat leave already pregnant, so that’s good enough for work.

A woman at a former place of work went on maternity leave. She came back and promptly announced she was pregnant. Off she went on maternity leave.

She came back and promptly announced she was pregnant for a third time. The company made her redundant.

I returned to work when DS was 4 months old and I was already pregnant again! Accidental and quite embarrassing.

This is impressive!

Who cares. You are 38. You don't like your job/boss. So what does it matter if a "few eyebrows" are raised.

Do what is right for you and don't feel guilty about it either. Life is too short for that crap.

If her pregnancies were connected to or the reason for the redundancy then not only is that illegal but she was well off out of there cause who wants to work for a scummy employer like that.

You are only a number in any job. Do what suits you and your family.

I had nine months off for my first and then the day after I went back, I found out I was pregnant again, so 7 months later I was on maternity again (I was a teacher and the six weeks fell into that).

I have to admit I didn't much care about social acceptance. I considered my family circumstances more and having two children close together worked for us.

Do what’s right for you. Who cares about socially acceptable when it’s something so important

I think it's less about being socially acceptable (everyone will have a different opinion), but more about what you want your career to look like in the company and the company culture
It didn't do our head of service any harm a few years ago. She had three babies in quick succession. She came back very briefly before going off again with the next one. She was head hunted for a director role. Her star is still climbing.

My advice would be do what suits you and your family. We are not on this earth for ever so do what works for you.

I got pregnant with DS2 when DS1 was 9 months old. I didn’t live in the UK at the time do only had 3 months maternity leave with each. So I was off 3 months, back for just over a year then off again.

If you are 38 and very much want further children, then I wouldn’t waste any time.

How would you feel if you put it off a year and then were never able to have any more children. Is your job worth that sacrifice?

I would just do it in September if that works for you, don't put work first.
I know one person who came back to work a few weeks pregnant, I don't think it was planned and she seemed a little embarrassed about it but nobody really cared.

This. Never put your job before your actual life.

A colleague had this. Back from Mat leave then pregnant 6 months later. None of us batted an eyelid. She's lovely and great at her job. It was unplanned but even if it was planned, well human beings have to come from somewhere don't they? Honestly lorry to let go of the guilt. There's no ideal here!

I took 12.5 months off work, and by my third week back at work, got pregnant again. So in total I will be back at work for about 8 months before leaving again. I felt nervous telling work but they were lovely about it. At this stage of life family is way more important to me than career, so although I was nervous about getting pregnant again so soon, it's the right decision for me.