toddler...newborn...and a puppy ?

[AnxietyLevelMax]

Hi All,

So my husband and I have been thinking about getting a puppy for over a year now. We didn't want to rush it when he was working away from 5am till 8pm. but he has much better job now for almost a year (no crazy hours) and currently are going through a vetting for a different position which could lead up to even better hours than now.

We have decided this is it. we will be getting a puppy, we will take some time off each from work for a training etc. we have told our 3.5yr old toddler who is over the moon...and BOOM...I am pregnant again :)

Has anyone dealt with a newborn, toddler, new puppy and found it all manageable? We are thinking of getting one but before or right after baby is due, not now as we would not like to take any unnecessary holidays.

Are we crazy to even think about it ?

just to add...both of us always had dogs, grew up with dogs, and having a dog is nothing new to us, but it was all before we became a family. in my case I had my grandmom living with us (my parents and siblings) so we did not have any issues with separation anxiety or leaving it with someone during holidays..

what breed do you have?

i might be from another world but never ever any of my dogs had to be let outside at night (not considering puppy phase). maybe i was just lucky.

our 3.5 yr old (4 if we do decide to go ahead) is very sensible and good with other pets, following the rules etc so pulling a tail, rough plays which dog might not like is not in my pov at the moment (maybe i am naive!)

Don't do it. We've got a very high energy and hard work dog, a toddler and expecting another baby. Having the dog makes things so much harder and if anything was to happen to him, I wouldn't get another dog whilst the kids are wee.

Get the dog once the kids are a bit older/in school.

Hamsters are nice.

thank you! husband is not a cat person... i had two in my life, only because boyfriend at a time wanted some, one was great, the other one was from hell...till now i am afraid of it!

Maltese cross bichon. Both Toy breeds which must help.
I'd be a bit worried about a Cocker cross to be honest. If seen some loopy ones and they do need a lot more exercise than a lap dog.

Absolutely crazy. If anyone is going to come last in the pecking order it will be the poor pup.

Wait until the youngest is school age

I don’t mean to be judgemental, but not everyone understands or cares about how much care and attention dogs actually need. Therefore they are happy to go ahead and get a dog and not be bothered by the fact they may not be able to meet its needs.

Alternatively maybe they do have a home life set up where one person is at home. We had dogs growing up but my dad was a SAHD. You had your grandma.

IMO if you both work and you have a toddler and baby, a puppy at that time is like adding another baby to the mix.

I also really wanted a dog and was seriously considering and researching, had sought landlords permission etc. But I stepped back and had a think and remember that god willing life is long, you don’t need to cram everything into a tiny window. You can confidently say to yourself, “I want this in my life, it will happen” and plan on it.

Honestly I really, really wouldn’t. Of course a Facebook group dedicated to the breed will rave about how it’ll be fine, but I think they are putting their unfaltering belief that they are a docile breed ahead of good old fashioned common sense AND a sense of responsibility to be honest.
Just wait a few years. That’s all you have to do. You say your toddler is sensible etc. but the new baby is just a baby and has to learn how to behave around dogs (a young dog itself still learning how to be around humans!) with the poor pup being the test subject. I’m sure you mean well and love animals but even with the best will in the world I think it’s irresponsible.

Crazy! We recently got a puppy and our DCs are 11, 10 and 8. It is such hard work and even at my kid's ages I still have to remind them to not get in his face and to leave him alone when he's eating. I'm at home a lot too. I honestly couldn't have done this when I had a baby and toddler, I think I would have had a breakdown!

It's a really bad and stupid idea.

You ask how others do it and, sadly, the answer is a lot of families with young children get a puppy and then get rid of it a few months later.

I have many friends who are involved in dog rescue and it's far too common for this to happen

Don’t do this - MN has lots of threads from women who are trying to rehome their adolescent dogs because they can’t cope with a baby, a toddler and a dog. They usually start with ‘don’t judge me, hindsight is a wonderful thing’ - please don’t add to those thread tallies.

I foster.

The last 8 dogs (7 spaniels - 5 of which were poodle/spaniel mixes, one golden retriever) I have fostered were rehomed to shelters because their owners couldn't cope with young children. All of them were tormented and treated like crap by young children tugging on them, pulling them about, disturbing their sleep. They were chronically under-exercised and under-stimulated. They all had severe behavioural issues - biting, aggression, reactivity, resource guarding. Why? Because they were got by people who don't have time to look after them.

Cockerpoos need a tonne of exercise (at least 60 minutes a day - often closer to 120), lots of mental stimulation, lots of grooming. They often come with a tonne of health issues because mongrels are rarely health tested because people just want designer dogs. They are prone to aggression, separation anxiety, resource guarding, aloofness with strangers etc etc.

Who will take it out every 15 minute to pee? Who will socialise it before it can go outside? Who will get up in the night to let it out so it doesn't piss in its own bedding? What will you do when you have to go to the office? Stick it in a crate? That's animal cruelty. Leave it to run riot? Best case scenario it eats something it shouldn't - worst case you come home to a dead puppy.

TBH at the end of the day, no good breeder will sell a puppy to you with a toddler and a newborn anyway.

So, what does this mean for you?

If you do want a dog (particularly a cockerpoo), this means you'll get a puppy from a shit backyard breeder puppy farm. Apart from the dog likely having some severe health issues (which is always the case with dodgy breeding and particularly mongrel breeding like poodle mixes where they are rarely health tested) you're more likely to end up with behavioural issues. Plus all the trauma and abuse the breeding bitches go through when they're owned by these sorts of people.

I had three dogs and really young children.
things I found hard were keeping the lawn clean all the tine as I didn’t want kids walking poo into the house or playing near dog poo. You have to be vigilant all the time.
walks. Dogs need walking every day. Young kids are ill a lot and they make you ill so you have to get up and walk then even when you and the kids feel awful and are ill and the weather is crap. Same if you have had no sleep and you are bone tired.
kids toys are chew magnets for dogs, they eat them. Puppies and Lego on the floor isn’t a good combination. You can end up with upset children because of ruined favourite toys or worse in the emergency vets.
the dog tends to have to cone before your kids because dogs are less flexible in their needs than kids. It’s always a pressure due to the dogs routine.

You won't be able to leave a puppy home alone all day while you work for a long time. You shouldn't even leave them alone for a couple hours until they're at least 6 months. This all sounds like a terrible idea tbh.

OP, I just saw your other post about finding out that you were pregnant. You're in debt, got depression and anxiety, your DF has cancer and you are thinking about adding a puppy to the mix? That's so irresponsible, I thought you were just being a little too optimistic, but now I'm really questioning your judgement.
Get your life in grip, don't ruin another beings life in the hopes that it might cheer you up or something.

I wouldn't. I'd consider adopting a dog that is already well trained and past the puppy stage, there are plenty in rescues across the UK which would be perfect for your family, but a puppy... no way.

Cockapoos are absolutely crazy energetic. My brother has one and the dog never stops. Constantly wants to play. Constantly wants to be on the go. He didn't realise how much work one would be.

I have two dogs, a toddler and a 3 month old. Our youngest dog is no longer a puppy but still very much in the adolescent stage and is extremely hard work. I love the dogs but I absolutely would not have got the second one if I'd known how challenging it was all going to be. Don't do it.

Exactly, they have the energy and high needs of both breeds. OP, Cockerpoos are not a breed they are mongrels. You don't know what you are getting as genetics is a lottery. They can inherit all the worst physical and behavioural defects of both breeds. This includes Cocker rage (google it) which is very dangerous. Nearly all will be badly bred from animals without health checks that have basically been abused to pump out puppies for profit. If you go down this rote your are actively contributing to animal cruelty.

Plus everything @@Killingoffmyflowersonebyone said. You are mad to even be considering it.

Especially if what @GelatinousDynamo is correct as well, as it sounds like you are not in a good place to be adding a puppy or dog of any description to your household right now.

Honestly, puppies are harder work than newborns.
It would be very unfair to the puppy because your baby will obviously be taking the most attention from you and DH, and their needs will trunp the puppy's needs. Puppies are very needy and require constant care and training.

Sorry op, I don't think it's a good idea at the moment.

An even worse scenario than rehoming is a family keeping a dog and basically ignoring it and it's needs. This has a happened with sons dog - it was very much loved when a pup but as soon as the first child came along the attention training and walks all stopped. They now have 2 children and the situation is much the same. She is loved and cared for but totally under stimulated. It breaks my fucking heart

You would be crazy to do this and it would be so unfair on all parties to go ahead with this. Kindly OP, please wait - this is a recipe for disaster, a cockerpoo is a mongrel and as others have said are prone to aggression/very high energy. Don’t do this.

You are so selfish to even consider this. Prioritise the wellbeing of your three year old. Their whole world is going to be turned upside down by a sibling. The last thing they need is another thing to have to sit and "wait" for or hear "I can't right now I have to do xyz for the baby/puppy". Just don't do it to them. Wait.

Don't do it

We got our cockerpoo when my youngest was 2.5 and eldest 8... he's 7 months now. It's not easy I won't lie. But if you're super on top of training you find a little routine. The first 15 weeks were the hardest then they do settle.
He house trained in 2 weeks, he's so loving and sweet. He's very excitable but not 'too much'. Loads of people were really negative about getting him as they are so energetic but as long as he's well exercised and stimulated he's no bother.
I WFH and he has a dog walker on the odd day I go into the office on the morning for 1.5 hrs . And my MIL pops in to let him out and change food over around lunch time and I'm back for 3.45.

I wouldn't do it with a newborn personally but if your prepared for sheer chaos 🤣

That being said, I'm pretty chill and got myself so wound up off the dog posts on here and the reality is far far less stressful 🙈