DMs jewellery missing from nursing home

[waltonshipwreck]

DM has been in a home for almost 2 years. I discovered this week that her wedding ring, engagement ring, and necklace have gone missing.

She has always had them on and would need help to remove them.

I haven't been to visit this week so when another family member alerted me I spoke to Ddad to check he didn't take them home. He assured me hadn't however he and my brother had a look at home just in case but nothing was found. It would be highly unlikely he would take them home but I couldn't be 100% sure that didn't/wouldn't happen.

I called the home on Friday and a message was passed onto the manager to call me back.

I haven't received a call back as yet but my brother was in yesterday and he was told the manager looked extensively but couldn't find anything.

I'm not sure what to do next. To give more context, DM has dementia so her account of what's happened won't be reliable, DDad is in ill health with severe memory problems so his account also isn't reliable, my brother is on a flying visit from abroad so won't be able to help much, the family member who noticed the missing jewellery lives a few hours away and was visiting DM while they were staying nearby. They categorically have had nothing to do with the missing jewellery.

I'm not bothered about the necklace but I am extremely bothered about the rings as DM had them designed and made using the diamond from her mum's engagement ring along with a beautiful emerald. They hold great sentimental value, never mind the financial cost.

What should I do next??

Call the police?

Get the police involved

Definitely call the police although I don’t expect for a moment you’ll get any closure from it, or get them back.

Lots of vile people have sticky fingers :(

I supposed wait until you’ve heard back from the manager. Perhaps they have them stored somewhere for safe keeping after her hands swelled? Maybe there has been a miscommunication.

If she doesn’t have an answer you’d better go and look for them yourself in her room. Perhaps with help from the staff to check your mother hasn’t “given” them to another resident.

If she's in a nursing home I suppose the other residents may also have dementia and stealing is apparently pretty common. Ask manager if they've searched all rooms? If not then ask them to do that. Report to police and tell manager to provide shift log as well to police

id inform the home that unless it was resolved in 24 hours you would be involving the police.

Whilst I have sympathy really nothing that you care about should be in a nursing home. There are people who will steal things but there are also many other ways things go missing.

Can you pin point the last time she had them on? I would ask if they routinely took them off her for personal care. If not then I would expect there to be a record in her care records if they had been taken off for some reason. Ask them to check the safe in case someone has put them in there but not recorded. Do you have photo's of the items? If so ask them to make sure all staff know that they are missing and what they look like in case they turn up in another residents room or on another resident.

My mum transferred from a hospital to a rehab and was missing her watch. The hospital put a surprising amount of effort into looking for it and making sure all staff knew it had gone missing, same with the rehab but there was no sign. Then a few days later it appeared on her table. We presume it's been tucked in something and a member of staff found it.

Could your mum have hidden them? Had this happen once, room had apparently been searched when I asked for it to be searched again. IIRC top part of a wardrobe, inside folded bedding or something like that.
Friend used to find money hidden in his mum’s house, under rugs and inside cushion covers. After she died he had to go through everything in the house and found over £2000 hidden.
Check under the mattress, inside any vases, ornaments. Pockets of clothes in wardrobe, handbags, laundry basket.

Call the police and contact CQC to make a formal complaint.

where I worked we would put them in the safe with their name on, especially if they were loose rings and falling off. Necklaces usually stay on safely. Speak to the manager then call the Police, it's not unheard of that they have hired a thief or an agency worker who is a thief.
Look at recent pictures see if you can pin point when she had them on.

Call the police. Immediately.

You can ask the home, you can call the police but sadly the horse has already bolted. Valuable rings would have been much better safely left at home than on the finger of a dementia sufferer in a care environment.

I'm not even suggesting that someone has stolen them, but personal possessions get very easily muddled up in that kind of communal environment. It's the equivalent of sending a child into school wearing them and you wouldn't do that. My grandmother even misplaced her false teeth from her own mouth; they were later found down the side cushion of a sofa in the day room!

Police, today

Police.

One of the residential home staff was openly wearing my grandma’s engagement ring.

Did the home do an inventory when she moved in? They should have and it should be within her care plan.

My grandma's engagement ring was stolen from her in the nursing home. We never recovered it 🙁

Absolutely police. Mums eternity ring went walkies when she died in hospital. It was the ring that everyone associated with her (it was unusual and she wore it in place of an engagement ring). Absolute bastards.

Call them and say you are contacting the police.

You've probably thought about this already, is there any other residents who wander(dementia residents)
In my dad's place this happened, the manager might know the culprit but not know it's happened. We had a lovely lady who was a magpie, hope you have get them back

The only thing I can think of would be to ask the staff to check the bathroom/shower rooms? Has she lost weight recently and the ring could have slipped off her fingers? And the necklace may have been removed at the same time?

I work in a nursing home and most times we do come across missing jewellery but it may take time. We also quite often find other residents belongings other residents who have dementia.I'll keep my fingers crossed that they are found!

It's horrible to hear so many stories of care home staff apparently stealing from vulnerable residents. Sadly I agree that you need to call the police if the manager doesn't contact you quickly and if a thorough search hasn't taken place.

But I do agree that there's a possibility your mum might have hidden the rings. My mum had severe dementia, with near constant hallucinations, and she regularly used to hide her jewellery because she thought the imaginary people who lived in her house were stealing from her. Her engagement ring went missing for a couple of weeks while she was still at home, and by the time I found it in a cup at the back of a cupboard, she had forgotten that it ever existed.

Once my mum was in a care home, her possessions went missing regularly - there was a particular resident who was known to be a kleptomaniac and was constantly taking other residents' things. The staff always did a very quick and discrete search, and always retrieved everything. I've heard so many awful stories about carers helping themselves to vulnerable people's belongings so I was so pleased with the staff at my mum's home. She was taken into hospital with a huge stroke three weeks before she died and her carer told me that she had been worried about my mums precious charm bracelet and cross going missing in hospital so she had removed them for safekeeping. When I went in to collect my mums belongings after she died, the carer had laid the bracelet and cross out on her pillow in a heart shape with a little note. I know there are some really dishonest people around, but my experiences with my mum's caters restored my faith in human nature.

I hope there turns out to be an innocent explanation for your mum's jewellery and that it turns up - it's really horrible to lose something with great sentimental value.

My Nans diamond engagement ring vanished when she went into a care home. It never did turn up.

Check local jewellers or pawn shops to see if anything has been sold to them recently. Take pictures with you if you can. But I agree with giving care home manager a 24 hour time to get back to you or you'll go to police.

I came here to say the same. My grandmother has dementia and it's quite common for her to have other residents' items in her room and vice versa. Because of the dementia they have no inhibitions and also no understanding of what's theirs or someone else's! Someone was once even wearing 2 sets of false teeth!!

I would never allow a relative to go into hospital or a nursing home now wearing any jewellery other than their wedding ring. We've experienced thefts from frail relatives in both instances. It was additional heartbreak in already difficult circumstances.

My mum had severe dementia, with near constant hallucinations, and she regularly used to hide her jewellery because she thought the imaginary people who lived in her house were stealing from her. Her engagement ring went missing for a couple of weeks while she was still at home, and by the time I found it in a cup at the back of a cupboard, she had forgotten that it ever existed.

this is so, so common in dementia