DMs jewellery missing from nursing home

[waltonshipwreck]

DM has been in a home for almost 2 years. I discovered this week that her wedding ring, engagement ring, and necklace have gone missing.

She has always had them on and would need help to remove them.

I haven't been to visit this week so when another family member alerted me I spoke to Ddad to check he didn't take them home. He assured me hadn't however he and my brother had a look at home just in case but nothing was found. It would be highly unlikely he would take them home but I couldn't be 100% sure that didn't/wouldn't happen.

I called the home on Friday and a message was passed onto the manager to call me back.

I haven't received a call back as yet but my brother was in yesterday and he was told the manager looked extensively but couldn't find anything.

I'm not sure what to do next. To give more context, DM has dementia so her account of what's happened won't be reliable, DDad is in ill health with severe memory problems so his account also isn't reliable, my brother is on a flying visit from abroad so won't be able to help much, the family member who noticed the missing jewellery lives a few hours away and was visiting DM while they were staying nearby. They categorically have had nothing to do with the missing jewellery.

I'm not bothered about the necklace but I am extremely bothered about the rings as DM had them designed and made using the diamond from her mum's engagement ring along with a beautiful emerald. They hold great sentimental value, never mind the financial cost.

What should I do next??

DMs jewellery was itemised and we were told it was out in the safe but turns out it was left in her bedside table and subsequently stolen. It was reported to the police but nothing else was done by the home they literally shrugged their shoulders. I’m sorry @waltonshipwreck it’s awful but it’s unlikely anything more will happen.

Police. We had the same situation with my grandmother. It took years but the male carer was prosecuted. In future, all valuables should be documented, photographed, and in a safe if the staff can't guarantee they won't be 'lost'. It sickens me that people steal like this.

Police. Also, although it doesn't get your mothers jewelry back, check the homes insurance. You will need a photo of the items. Sad but these things happen.

When my dad was in a nursing home we were advised not to leave anything of value with him. Between him and the other dementia patients anything was likely to go walkabout. I saw it one day with my own eyes when another resident came in as we were there and walked out with a photograph belonging to my dad.

Not sure involving the police will do any good. You will have to take some responsibility as leaving anything of value is on you and your family.

My mum is in a dementia unit. Nothing of value is in her room as all the others are in and out of rooms. My mum always has someone else's slippers on.

I'm surprised the home did not discourage you from leaving valuables there or items of sentimental value as they know full well what goes on.

The police won't do anything. The culprit won't even remember taking them and if they do they will think they own them anyway.

I'd be apoplectic and presume they've been stolen.

My friend took hers off when she was being wheeled down for a c-section and left them in her room, when she got back they were gone. Devastating.

Ridiculous comment. It's meant to be a home, the clue is in the name. Many many people never remove their jewelery, especially their wedding and engagement rings. If they've been stolen or can't be located then it's most definitely on the care home, and not the family and the police need to be involved since a crime has taken place.

I'd ask the manager if there is any reason why she would needed to take them off, like swollen hands or they were very loose in which case the home should have locked them away or given them to the family. Then I'd call the police, personal items go missing for several reasons but carehomes need policies in place to reduce the risk, its a horrible feeling that they might have been stolen.

Also ask if an incident report or datix has been completed, missing valuable items need to be recorded, monitored to see if there's a pattern so the home can offer safe keeping. Signing a disclaimer can be seen as carte blanche to the home or hospital taking no responsibility and can encourage theft. Rooms should be locked when they are unoccupied.

Yeah it is a home but a home with 40, 50 or 100 other residents so you need to take responsibility for your own belongings or your family members items hence not keeping valuables with you and in the case of dementia the responsibility is on the family.

The home has a responsibility to ensure either residents or families are aware of the arrangements they offer to keep valuables safe. They either ask the family if they'd like to take them, ask the residents if they want to keep them, store them or take them away if the resident does not understand due to illness or lack of capacity, there should be a locked drawer in every room and a central locked cupboard in the managers office. Valuables should be photographed listed and kept in the residents file.

I had to laugh at the two sets of teeth, The Snowman and Jaws came to mind 😁

Hi, this happened to me, or rather to my mum. She was taken to hospital from the care home which is when I realised it was missing, and the home gave me the wrong item and tried to gaslight me by saying it was hers. Worst part was that I wanted it for her burial, not for me. I got social services involved as I was concerned over a few things and they spoke to the home but nothing really happened. So sorry this has appended to you x

My advice to anyone with either home care visits or who is living in a care home is to remove all jewellery and watches and to just get something cheap and plain as a substitute. Don't let them keep valuable or sentimental stuff. It's unfortunate, but theft and accidental loss is very common. Dh's elderly aunt was stripped of everything by her home carers.

The same applies if anyone - of any age - is going into hospital. Just buy a cheap 9ct gold or silver wedding ring. Leave everything else at home, locked away.

Yeah, tucked into the pocket of a light-fingered member of staff. It would not just have reappeared silently if there had been an innocent explanation.

I suggest that you put the matter in writing to the home, then they will need to follow it up and investigate

This.

Report to the police and also to your local adult social care department

Please have a thorough search of her room before alerting the police, I mean literally look in every pocket, every plant pot, every glove etc..My MIL was in a dementia home and we noticed one day that she wasn't wearing her rings. We searched everywhere, twice. On the second search my husband found one ring in her soap dish in her en-suite and the other inside the lid of her hairspray!
If a thorough search still doesn't find them then definitely call the police.

Call the police.

My grandma only had home carers put in place for 24hrs and they stole her engagement and wedding rings. She was completely with it so realised instantly. Notified police, but by the time they narrowed down people and investigated, rings were long gone. The shock caused her to decline massively.

I will never have agency carers, or take anything into a nursing home I'm not afraid to lose.

I can't offer much in the way of advice, but this sort of thing is sadly very common, for a variety of reasons. My aunt lost her engagement ring in a nursing home, and my uncle lost his ceremonial dagger that he got when he served during WWII. We never knew if they were truly lost, or if they had been stolen. On an earlier occasion a different very elderly aunt and uncle caused a hideous scene in a restaurant accusing waiting staff of stealing a brooch. The brooch was found months later down the side of an armchair in their house, and had never even been at the restaurant.

I work in a care home, there's two possible reasons for this that I have come across:

1. staff have removed and handed it into the homes safe - check with home manager or admin manager. Reasons for this could be weight loss etc.

2. has been stolen. Unfortunately it does happen in care homes, not always permanent staff, sometimes it's agency but it does happen.

If it's not in the safe then speak to the home manager. When this has happened for us we raise a report with the police and also claim on our insurance. When the individual moved in they will have signed a care agreement which will tell you how much you are covered for

So sorry OP, I know how gutting this is. My DGM had live-in carers towards the end of her life and all the family jewelry was stolen from among her things. Impossible to pinpoint exactly when or by whom, of course. Apparently this is very, very common.

Some of the comments are ridiculous.

The manager has to be given chance to look into it and they may have been found and put in safe storage. The manager won't see this as urgent as patient care I'm afraid so politely chance up every 2-3 days. Also accept that any resident, visitor or contractor could have found and kept the jewellery (including family members) so this won't be about pinning it on a member of staff unless there's something previous going on.