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Original poster

I very much dislike my neighbour

62 replies

LynetteScavo · 21/07/2024 14:27

I need a revenge plot that I'll never actually use, but will make me feel better imagining it.

I've been woken up every day last week at 5:30 by neighbours extremely loud car exhaust. I don't know why he can't just pull off his drive and lets the car run for a couple of minutes while he gaffs around. And now he has cracked out the chain saw to trim everything in his garden while I was tying to have a quiet lunch.

Thai nonsense has been going on since he moved in years ago.

DH has told me I'm not allowed to throw a rock over the hedge onto his head. But I'd quite like to.

I can't start making a din myself when he doesn't want to hear it without disturbing the other, lovely neighbours. I need another plan, even if I never go through with it.

I did comment "It's loud isn't it!'" when he popped his head over the hedge. He smiled and nodded. Angry

OP posts:
Nsky62 · 21/07/2024 14:41

Get real, far more important things to worry about!

Mammma91 · 21/07/2024 14:47

I sympathise OP. I also have a dreadful neighbour. Is moving an option? I’m hoping to move soon!

savoycabbage · 21/07/2024 14:54

There's worse neighbours than ones who wake you up with car exhausts.

My current ones play loud music in their garden on a speaker, and it's a commercial radio station so it's even worse. But my last neighbour spat on my baby and set fire to our front door so I just think "inconsiderate loud bastard " about this one.

standardmum · 21/07/2024 14:56

Nsky62 · 21/07/2024 14:41

Get real, far more important things to worry about!

Agreed!

CoffeeBeansGalore · 21/07/2024 14:59

One of those waving/swinging lawn watering contraptions positioned so it "just" goes over the fence.

user1471538283 · 21/07/2024 15:00

He won't stop because he doesn't think he has to. In my experience noisy neighbours know they are being noisy but hate others being noisy.

My horrible ex neighbours were offended when I finally lost it with them playing really loud music 10 hours a day for months. The other side was upset that I woke her up once at 8am after she has woken me up twice a week at 3am for months.

You could go out and shout at him each time he does it? It must affect other neighbours so you could all complain? Or everyone plays loud music when they don't want it?

Oceansmeet · 21/07/2024 15:01

I do think it would be nice if people would consider how their actions impact on other people. But they don't. Team rock Seriously though, it's frustrating to have your peace shattered regularly, but there's nothing much you can do about it. We have a neighbour who likes to play very loud music in his garden on summer weekends. I would love not to have to listen to it.

Oceansmeet · 21/07/2024 15:03

I wonder if the people who say get a life etc, are also very noisy. It balances it out I suppose, so one din isn't heard over the other.

NextFriYAY · 21/07/2024 15:04

Christ, some people really can’t can’t comprehend humour when written!

Wind Chimes that you tie up most of the time but release when you’re out and know he’s likely to use the garden?

Water the garden and accidentally spray over the fence? Whoops! Sorry about that! 😁

Plant bamboo in a planter on your side but ‘accidentally’ plant some of them under the fence?

I’ll think of others!

MoonAndStarsAndSky · 21/07/2024 15:05

Chainsaw in the middle of the day is irritating but nothing you can do. The exhaust thing at 5.30am is unreasonable. Can you just say to him it's waking you up and ask him not to run the engine at that time?

Original poster
LynetteScavo · 21/07/2024 15:08

Oh, watering the garden is a good one! Or maybe I'll get my own chimesGrin Bamboo wouldn't look right on his side of the garden. Are there any other seeds I could sprinkle over?

OP posts:
DelilahBucket · 21/07/2024 15:09

Crikey try living next door to mine! Latest thing is he's painted his side of the fence and deliberately painted through all the gaps (only at the bottom) so our brand new hedge is also painted a shitty shade of grey. We've had him threaten to beat the shit out of us on more than one occasion over things like him being asked to stop blocking our driveway, a no parking sign, his plasterer leaving plaster dust all over our drive way and garden (neither of which he should have been on/in), a party they started at 11:30pm on a Sunday, and apparently I looked at one of the other neighbours funny. He's a pleasant chap, even nicer when he's drunk 🙄

PetrichorSoul · 21/07/2024 15:14

We've got wanky dog owners who think it's ok to let their dog bark in the garden all day between 6am and 11pm.

I counted one day (so I could show in court as part of my insanity defence) and the dog barked 167 times.

I plot my revenge every day.

SnappyCroc · 21/07/2024 15:16

Borrow kids and get them a stack of balls to throw into his garden "by accident". So many that it doesn't matter if a few get hit by the chainsaw. If he comes round to complain, of course you'll stop them but would he mind keeping the noise down a bit?

Ohdosodoffdear · 21/07/2024 15:17

I'm plotting a slow and painful death for my new neighbours, they've got 3 cars but only space for 1, so they take up all the "spare" parking, and they have a great dane that barks all the fucking time.

I don't know what I'm favouring so far, a swarm of angry brids pecking them to death, or the hound eating them.

SnappyCroc · 21/07/2024 15:19

PetrichorSoul · 21/07/2024 15:14

We've got wanky dog owners who think it's ok to let their dog bark in the garden all day between 6am and 11pm.

I counted one day (so I could show in court as part of my insanity defence) and the dog barked 167 times.

I plot my revenge every day.

Is your house attached? I'd be tempted to play very loud dog barking sounds on YouTube between 11pm and 6am and then, if they come round to complain, tell them that you don't have a dog 😂.

hildabaker · 21/07/2024 15:20

I used to have the most disgusting specimens of humanity as neighbours once. It affected my mental health and made me experience hatred in a way I didn't know I was capable of.
I know it's mostly impracticable, but I would always recommend moving. That or a hit man only joking not joking

Nurseynurse665 · 21/07/2024 15:21

savoycabbage · 21/07/2024 14:54

There's worse neighbours than ones who wake you up with car exhausts.

My current ones play loud music in their garden on a speaker, and it's a commercial radio station so it's even worse. But my last neighbour spat on my baby and set fire to our front door so I just think "inconsiderate loud bastard " about this one.

Oh my God. I need to know more.

Original poster
LynetteScavo · 21/07/2024 15:23

Nsky62 · 21/07/2024 14:41

Get real, far more important things to worry about!

I've actually had a horrible week; a good friend suddenly died on Thursday, FIL was taken into hospital as he's seriously ill and we're not sure what the next few weeks/months will look like caring for him, but he doesn't want anyone to know how ill he is, so DH is dealing with with it alone. Yesterday was physically and mentally challenging, and I just wanted a peaceful lunch in the garden, having yesterday's dinner that I didn't have a chance to eat yesterday. But I suppose I should be thankful keul I have a house and a garden at all Hmm

I'm

OP posts:
Original poster
LynetteScavo · 21/07/2024 15:26

@savoycabbage - I hope your neighbour is now in prison!

OP posts:
2Old2Tango · 21/07/2024 15:26

If the weather forecast says it will rain during the night then sneak out very late and throw gravy granules over the fence onto his lawn. The local foxes (or dogs if he has them) will have a field day digging for the scent.

Danceswithweasels · 21/07/2024 15:27

Sneak over the fence one night and draw out a large phallus on his lawn with weed killer? My neighbour is old and scared of burglers, every evening she goes around the house and opens then slams every window and door before locking then sometimes repeating, for someone so frail looking she has some force, the house shakes 😐

Tunnocksandtablet · 21/07/2024 15:28

A couple of years ago I had a similar sort of situation with a neighbour whose noises drove me bonkers. My revenge fantasy was very helpful - I think the trick with a good revenge fantasy is that it has to be slightly outrageous and just about doable. You have to know you COULD do it so you can plot all the ways you could out it into action and imagine the consequences.

Mine was that I read somewhere about a spray that you can buy that smells so bad that people have to run immediately away from it, the smell is so bad that people have thrown up and all sorts. Really awful, maybe even a weapon of war.

I used to imagine myself dressed like a ninja, waiting for a night with no moon then all the ways I would get that smell through a crack in the car window, on a piece of cloth hidden by their front door, onto one of the garden chairs…I planned my ninja outfit, the route I would take to avoid all the doorbell cameras, my escape, how he would react, what would happen when a visitor came. Oh man, it was soooo good.

Vergus · 21/07/2024 15:29

Noisy neighbours are bloody annoying. But they're infinitely better than aggressive, scary ones. My neighbours on one side are noisy - they have bought this awful electronic sensor to frighten animals off their lawn - it 's not even set off by movement but on a regular timer, so every 2 minutes we get a minute's worth of electronic dogs barking and gunshot sounds. It's so loud, it's actually stopping me from wanting to use my garden. I did confront him (nicely about it) on the day of my son's birthday and asked him if he wouldn't mind taking it down because we have guests coming round for a party. He did oblige but it's now back up again. The noise is just dreadful. I hate it.

But they're not nasty neighbours. Just bloody LOUD

Original poster
LynetteScavo · 21/07/2024 15:30

Hmm...I'm not sure I want to encourage the foxes (they seem to have a route at the front but not the back.) I have a cat, and next door neighbours brother's dog killed my last cat when he came into our garden.

OP posts:
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