Keep or bin sleepyhead deluxe

[Bobbieiris]

I’m pregnant (first time mum) and very kindly been gifted a sleepyhead deluxe. To be honest it looked like a suffocation / overheating hazard to me and I don’t think I would want to leave baby in it even supervised…I risk assess a lot for my job so maybe a little OTT!! I googled it and read it’s been linked to quite a few infant deaths. It’s also huge and takes up space, and I’ve already got Moses basket and cot. Partner was upset when I suggested we might not need it. Should I keep or donate? Feeling a Bit overwhelmed with all the baby stuff and in need of a good declutter in general….must be the ‘nesting’ everyone keeps telling me about!

You don’t sound ungrateful at all to be hesitant about using a gift you did not ask for and is controversial/unsafe!

Definitely get rid. You don’t want to be tempted to use it if you have a bad sleeper. They’re banned in the US and Canada because they’re unsafe, previously sold under the brand name dock a tot but same product and company. No idea why they’re still on the market here but I wouldn’t risk using one.

Just shove it in a cupboard and decide later x

Nothing wrong with deciding you won't use it but sell it or gift it on, don't bin it!

Give it away or sell it, especially if it’s Brand New In Box (BNIB). Deal with this quickly. You’ll be more concerned when baby is here and sleep deprived yourself. Your partner is already saying they’ll use it when they wash up - do you want it to become a bone of contention between you two? You’ll feel like you can’t relax unless he’s using it with your exact terms and conditions.

With upsetting the kind well-meaning family member, get used to it and see it as a test run. The sleeping nest is quite low stakes. Well-meaning family members need to be dealt with kindly and firmly. This will come up on your other parenting decisions.

My advice is based on what you’ve shared about your feelings and thoughts. Regardless of the safety or what other individuals will do, you’re not comfortable with it. Don’t put it away, your DP will always be asking “can we get it out now?” and don’t say maybe later to family member.

I have one left over from my first and it was amazing for her. I’d def use for daytime sleep. It was almost 4 years ago though so I worry about perhaps it not being safe, does it need to be replaced with something new like they say for a mattress?

i had same experience as others - she slept much longer stretches in it and I did use on the occasional unsettled night. I was also was unable to co-sleep due to waking with panic attacks that I’d lost her in the bed / crushed her so sometimes she slept in that on the bed with me to eliminate the risk of me squashing her. I did always ALWAYS use a Snuza sleep alarm wherever she slept to alert me to any breathing difficulties. Most nights she was in the next to me crib. I’m confused now!

@BakeOffRewatch youre right. My gut instinct is to just take it to the charity shop so the risk isn’t there at all. I feel like I’m being a bit precious about it and I never wanted to be ‘that kind of parent’ but I just don’t want this bloody massive cushion causing arguments or worse!

I don't think you should use it. Not just because it's against all official advice, but also because you have a major doubt, so if you ignored that doubt and God forbid something happened, you'd never forgive yourself.

Also the whole "supervised sleep" thing is a nonsense. Inevitably people will take their eyes off baby for a few minutes to answer the door, do the washing up etc, and that's all it takes.

Unfortunately this is the first of many decisions you need to make for the welfare of your child which others close to you may not like.

@Bemusedandconfusedagain I’m going to try to donate it to the charity shop today. I feel guilty but I have this huge gut instinct that I don’t want it used….it only takes a minute for a baby to suffocate and I don’t understand why anyone would take the risk. I know my partner will be upset but he doesn’t seem to understand why I don’t want it used and feels I’m worrying too much . If it’s out the house we can’t argue about it

I honestly think they're so useful for when the baby is awake. Where will you put the baby when you're having a shower or in the kitchen? X

@imcountingtothree123 I have a Moses basket and getting a baby bouncer for when baby is a bit bigger. I wouldn’t put baby in one in kitchen as my back would be turned and I wouldn’t be fully supervising baby in it . Even in the shower it just isn’t something I would ever feel comfortable using personally but that’s just how I feel about it x

You’re allowed to be precious! Some people take an approach to eating sushi, alcohol, brie, whilst others will say “Why take the chance”. There’s a lot of stuff I see on instagram, like shelves and loose items over a baby’s cot for the aesthetic, which I think why!? Why would you put heavy items and glass above your sleeping baby’s head. There’ll always be someone who couldn’t live without an item. For me that’s the bedside crib, others go from Moses straight to cot.

Places I put my baby:

• on the playmat on the floor under mobile toys of the Tiny Love playmat on top of a Totter and Tumble mat. I now have two T&T mats, my own must purchase. I also had a BBhugMe pregnancy pillow and BbHugMe nursing pillow which I used to create soft boundaries once I was worried about rolling
• babybjorn bouncer on lowest setting
• snuzpod crib brought downstairs
• bassinet of pram. A lot of my mum friends do this with it kept in corridor or hallway as they get their baby to sleep on walks and the baby is most used to sleeping there
• on me in a fabric wrap, ergobaby aura. I had a winter baby and I’d take them to vaccines and so on in this and a maternity coat from Seraphine.

Lots of options. All of the items I listed above got tons of use and I would say I couldn’t have done without. If family member wanted to actually be helpful, they could have asked you. Instead of creating this issue, which really is about them doing what they want. A T&T mat is useful for years, is quite pricey and my baby slept on it like a dream.

I don’t have one but the Stokke chair that has a newborn attachment gets rave reviews too.

I’m fired up for you! I’m 8 months pregnant with my second and SO ready for family members whose feelings are fragile because they have projected so much onto the baby I’m having. Not all gone away with the first, as had them during second lockdown, now I’m dealing with all the “we didn’t get the experience of …”. No! Go away!

More amenably, maybe you could ask if they can refund it and get another big ticket item. One you can agree with your DP in advance.

Do you watch Mad Men? I am very much getting Chip and Dip vibes from this.

I used mine for awake baby, like a baby bouncer. Soft place to put baby while I dealt with toddler. Wouldn't leave baby unattended in one.

I don't think they all need to be burned in a heap. As pp said, extreme exhaustion is also not risk free, sometimes they might be the least worst option for sleep if they work.

Absolutely agree with this. I was a far more of a danger to my child due to lack of sleep than the infinitesimal risk of cot death from a sleep nest.

The risk is so absolutely minute to almost be zero and I think people don't know how to properly risk assess. Children also die of cot death when their parents follow every guideline. As far as I could see we ticked every other box: non smokers, breastfed baby, dummy etc.

The risk is so absolutely minute to almost be zero and I think people don't know how to properly risk assess. Children also die of cot death when their parents follow every guideline. As far as I could see we ticked every other box: non smokers, breastfed baby, dummy etc.

How condescending. I would rather trust the advice of The Lullaby Trust and the NHS, backed by scientific research, than the word of @Yourethebeerthief on a Mumsnet forum. If anything, looking to trustworthy sources suggests an ability to properly risk assess. A person who claims that the risk is “absolutely minute to be zero” demonstrates as inability to interpret statistics or, indeed, assess risk.

Also, a sleepyhead is a pillow, not a mattress. Anyone wishing to independently research the risk of using a sleepyhead should be looking into the dangers of using pillows on babies, not mattresses.

Not seeing how I'm being condescending. OP asked for opinions.

Like another poster on this thread I was a danger behind the wheel with my baby from lack of sleep and was falling asleep while breastfeeding him in bed.

People are truly rabid when it comes to this subject. Lots of posters are weighing in that OP might change her mind if she ends up physically sick from exhaustion.

We all do what we need to to survive the newborn phase.

You can calm yourself down now.

@Yourethebeerthief it is condescending to say “people don’t know how to properly risk assess”, and plain incorrect when we’re talking about following official guidance. Yes, we all do what we need to survive the newborn phase but the guidance exists to ensure that the newborn also survives the newborn phase.

Risks to baby are not in isolation. If you are at immediate and obvious risk of a fatal car accident or of falling asleep on your newborn and dropping or suffocating them, then that far outweighs the minute risk of cot death from something that helps your child to sleep. Mothers who would never ever have believed they would be capable of such things, have shaken their babies because they have gone insane from lack of sleep. Not sleeping is literal torture.

This is what other posters are saying when they share their experiences. I also did not think we would use a sleep nest for our son. Sometimes life gives you a slap in the face and changes your perfect pre-baby plans.

You are condescending to imply that I, and other posters, are not concerned with our children's safety. Life with children is complicated and messy. OP has asked for opinions on the matter and people are giving their opinions.

Hopefully the OP won’t find herself in a position where she is weighing up either using a sleepyhead or risking falling asleep on her newborn. Most mothers have adequate support at home and don’t find themselves having to make such harrowing choices due to experiencing a lack of sleep akin to sleep torture. At least this conversation might prompt the OP to have a chat with her DP before the baby arrives about what they can do to avoid that situation - eg sharing nighttime waking and feeding - to preempt this type of thing.

I have more than adequate support. Unfortunately my husband had to work away for weeks at a time when our son was born.

Like I say, the reality of life with a newborn isn't always what we expect.

@BakeOffRewatch thank you! Haha I haven’t watched mad men, I’ll have to look that up!

well I decided to donate it to charity and get it out today so it’s out of sight, out of mind. Turns out no charity shop will take it and I tried quite a few…they said it didn’t meet their safety requirements to sell it. I ended up putting it in a donation bin in desperation, then realised that it wasn’t a suitable item for the bin so had to email the company to tell them… I guess I’ll have to collect it and dispose of it. I would sell but that means keeping it hanging around the house for god knows how long. Once it’s gone I don’t have to argue about it and I just want it out now I’ve made my decision!

i wouldnt judge anyone for using one, but I very rarely prescribe a vulnerable adult big squishy cot sides to be used even with supervision as the risks outweigh the benefits in my mind, so wouldn’t use this for baby even in the day supervised. But that’s just my opinion and I’m sure it’s fine if used correctly. I would just rather not have it myself.

You were talking about using a sleepyhead because you were at immediate and obvious risk of a car accident or suffocating your baby because you were sleep deprived - that really doesn’t sound like you had adequate support when your husband was away! But perhaps we have a different definition of adequate support so I’ll leave it there.

@Bobbieiris I’m not surprised you can’t donate them even when brand new with the original tags. They really shouldn’t be sold.

Can you collect it and ask your relative to get a refund and get you something else or would that be more trouble than it’s worth?

@BellesAndGraces I’ve asked to collect it but I don’t really want the stress of asking my partners relative to refund it, my partner and her both think it’s a wonderful invention and he can’t see why I don’t feel comfortable with using it… especially when we will both be sleep deprived! I honestly don’t know what to do with the thing, I can’t get rid of it!