Keep or bin sleepyhead deluxe

[Bobbieiris]

I’m pregnant (first time mum) and very kindly been gifted a sleepyhead deluxe. To be honest it looked like a suffocation / overheating hazard to me and I don’t think I would want to leave baby in it even supervised…I risk assess a lot for my job so maybe a little OTT!! I googled it and read it’s been linked to quite a few infant deaths. It’s also huge and takes up space, and I’ve already got Moses basket and cot. Partner was upset when I suggested we might not need it. Should I keep or donate? Feeling a Bit overwhelmed with all the baby stuff and in need of a good declutter in general….must be the ‘nesting’ everyone keeps telling me about!

It’s interesting that they think it’s a great invention, there’s been a lot of money put into their marketing including influencers advertising as their “can’t live without”. Where has their belief come from?

Embrace this and see it as a test run. I never ran into this one, but there were two choices that did rile people up just by me mentioning I did it. One was I didn’t have a removable car seat, so my baby never slept in one. Certain people would be incredulous. Did I wake up my baby each time I went to and from the car? What did I do in the rain? Yes and baby resettled and I covered their head with my coat or a blankie until inside, yes even if I had to park up the road. Second was tv, I never had screen time until 2yo. I didnt bring these things up myself, but say one person asks me and I’ll say oh I dont know, don’t have to deal with that (heavy car seat/watching coco melon) cos we don’t do that, and someone else will come in with a sarcastic comment “must be nice to have a baby who doesn’t scream so you don’t have to watch tv”. My baby did scream! I just dealt with it in different ways, or put up with it because I don’t think distracting them helps and read about how their brain develops and they rely on comfort and watching people’s faces at that age.

Even now with a 4yo, offended third parties will pipe in. I was talking to a friend about our kids and continuing private nursery versus preschool, I said I’d heard kids can get bored at the preschool as there’s less play. I’d heard this from people using the pre school now. Lady at the table next to us chipped in, well excuse me I sent my child to pre school and they got a qualified art teacher and did activities they’d never do in a nursery, people told me not to change and I’m so glad I did. Her child was now a teenager!

You’re seeing it in this thread now, you can’t really have a conversation about pros and cons of anything to do with parenting without mortally offending someone. So don’t bother with feeling guilty. Make the best choices for you and your child, and work on your relationship communication so that you can both discuss stuff without triangulating the feelings of a third person.

@BellesAndGraces

that really doesn’t sound like you had adequate support when your husband was away

I have adequate support. Yes my husband was working away for periods of time during the very beginning. Which is why I found a sleep nest invaluable and why I and others have given our opinion on them to the OP.

I've been quite clear about that. I'm not sure you have the gotcha you think you have here.

Interesting about no charity taking it, but I’m not surprised. I had one from DD and she used it overnight, loved it and settled so well in it. At that stage the guidance on them was lukewarm, lots of advertising stuff about babies in NICU using them (although clearly those babies are under constant supervision/monitoring) and a lot of influencers used them. I had DS last year and they had rebranded from Sleepyhead to Dok a Tot to reflect the fact they were no longer considered safe for overnight sleep. I think by this stage there had been deaths, but that these had been tied to use during co sleeping (may be misremembering this). Nonetheless we reused ours for DS on the pouffe of the sofa instead of a Moses basket which worked well for us (low sides meant I could always see him easily) but never, ever for overnight sleep. I was lucky though that he was a great sleeper so I make no judgement on people who feel the risk posed by sleep deprivation outweighs the risk of the Sleepyhead/Dock a Tot, given the above.

When he grew out of it I couldn’t in all conscience pass it on to someone who might use it for overnight sleep due to the fact that all the packaging etc referred to it be ok for that purpose. So I gave it to a mate for her cats to use, who are perfectly happy with their new bed.

@Yourethebeerthief why are you so pressed by my opinion? You are insisting that it’s safe to put a baby in a product that the NHS does not recommend, that is banned in the US and Canada, that required a rebrand to make it clear it’s not for sleeping in, that the OP can’t get rid of despite being brand new, that charities now refuse to accept and another PP has described as being best suited to cats - fine, I get it, you do you!

@TheCraicDealer When he grew out of it I couldn’t in all conscience pass it on to someone who might use it for overnight sleep due to the fact that all the packaging etc referred to it be ok for that purpose. So I gave it to a mate for her cats to use, who are perfectly happy with their new bed.

I was going to suggest that the OP sell it on Facebook marketplace to recover some of the money but I stopped myself as I agree that it probably shouldn’t be passed on to anyone else. It would actually make a good cat bed, albeit a very fancy and expensive one!

With all baby things my advice is always the same: don’t buy — or use — anything until you have to. Keep it simple. Your baby might sleep absolutely fine on just a mattress, in which case there’s absolutely no point introducing anything else.

My baby was in hospital for two nights (as I nearly died during birth so had to stay in!) and the midwives made her a makeshift Sleepyhead out of towels! So unfortunately she got used to being surrounded and wouldn’t sleep without something. I did lots of research and the Sleepyhead was the safest option (and my midwife agreed). It’s still less safe than just a mattress, but for me, it was less of a risk than ending up falling asleep with her on me (which was the only other way she ever slept!).

@BellesAndGraces

I am giving my own opinion as I'm quite entitled to. Your last post said you would "leave it there", but you keep responding to me so it seems it is you who is pressed by my opinion.

I think that under certain circumstances, as other posters have also experienced, the risks are minimal compared with other immediate risks.

Now I'll, as you said you would, "leave it there"

@peachgreen that was exactly my thinking. I just wanted to get as little as possible until I know what baby is like and what might work best. I was feeling a bit swamped with all the baby products I had been given and out of all of them, the sleepyhead was the one thing I could never see using and just didn’t want.
@BakeOffRewatch it’s annoying how people seem to push and can’t just let you do what you want as a parent…if baby is safe what’s the problem? I think partner and relative just think it will be useful, which it might be but I would be constantly stressing about the overheating/ suffocation risk. I guess it’s just a case of what works best for you and baby and what you feel comfortable with isn’t it. I have a friend who actually loved the sleepyhead for her baby and I wouldn’t dream of telling her what to do.

@Yourethebeerthief agree. Sleep deprivation is literally like torture this is my third so I have to think more than ever about my capability and safety to drive the other to school / nursery, my husband will have 2 weeks off but then works off shore and sadly no grandparents to help x

I would 100% keep it until the baby is a few months old and if you don't use it, give it to a charity shop. I wouldn't let a child sleep in it unsupervised (I'm paranoid about safe sleep) but I found it a god send for putting my little one down round the house like in the bathroom doing my make up or my bedroom when getting ready.

I think a Baby Bjorn on the lowest slope is a really good option for things like doing the washing up.

OP just wait until the mums around you start putting bed guards on to the beds of very small children or putting their beds right against the wall. I imagine that will make you really uncomfortable with your background in risk assessing sleep. I felt like the grinch pointing out that "breathable" mesh doesn't solve the problem of positional aphixiation.

'well I decided to donate it to charity and get it out today so it’s out of sight, out of mind. Turns out no charity shop will take it and I tried quite a few…they said it didn’t meet their safety requirements to sell it'

Sure, Jan.

I think a lot of people who make the decision to use cot bumpers and the like find it difficult to hear that they’re making choices that are not in their child’s best interests. If these items were not available for sale they would simply have to think of alternative methods of dealing with babies that don’t like to sleep. Or perhaps there is a study that shows that use of sleepyheads leads to a reduction in car accidents caused by parents that were sleep deprived!

@MeinKraft yeah nowhere would take it, although one place said it was a shame they couldn’t resell it as a pet bed!
@Bemusedandconfusedagain oh gosh, bed guards! I didn’t even know that was a thing…. Sounds like an entrapment risk!

You could also keep it in the cupboard for your DC to play with when older - cover with blanket and make a den, book nook etc

We kept moses basket mattresses and did this

@haveatye thats a nice idea actually; I didn’t think of that. To be honest I wanted to just donate it so we wouldn’t all end up bickering about when/how to use it. Turns out a friend of mine wants it so if I get it back out recycling bin I’ll just post it off to her

Yes, there have been various reported cases of young children becoming entrapped in bed guards, and also between beds and walls. I wish they covered this sort of thing in maternity classes. We opted for a floor bed away from the walls once the time came for a bed.

Well done @Bobbieiris on dealing with it quickly. It’s not really about whether you keep and use the sleep nest, it’s about being confident in your judgement and sticking by your choices as a parent. It’s very hard. 👏

@BakeOffRewatch thank you ☺️ I feel like I’ve made the best decision for me. I feel guilty not telling partner about it but sure he’ll get over it (and hoping he forgets we ever had it in the first place!)

It's great you are so switched on and wanting the best for your baby please ensure you have researched how important ERF is too ideally upto age 6/7 is 4/5 times safer than FF but the information is not given out at antenatal classes / when you leave hospital it's sickening really

My MIL bought a cot and cot bumpers for our baby for when we were visiting her. It caused quite a bit of offence (and her thinking I was crazy) when I removed the bumpers. I couldn't believe they are actually still being sold. The other thing that is unsafe but still commonly sold are the plug in style socket protectors. (I also work in evidence based risk identification).

@mrssunshinexxx thank you; it feels quite overwhelming trying to research everything . I have antenatal class next week and feeling totally clueless! What is ERF and FF? Is that to do with car seats? (Sorry; so much to learn still!)

@Bundeena its difficult being given items you don’t feel are safe/right for you…I hate feeling ungrateful but got to do what’s best for baby! I can’t believe what things are available… some of them (such as cot bumpers) seem so old fashioned and obviously not a great idea!

@Bobbieiris yes ERF is extended rear facing (for car seats) and FF is forward facing. I'm not the poster who originally posted about it, but yes she is completely right about how much safer ERF is, 5 times safer. You want a Swedish Plus Tested car seat as well as the standards are so much higher than the minimum required to be legal in the uk.

There's an incredible Facebook group called "Car Seat Safety UK" where the admins are professionals and really know their stuff, well worth joining and posting re your car and seat requirements, budget etc and they'll suggest the safest and best car seat for your baby.

This group

@Bundeena
The other thing that is unsafe but still commonly sold are the plug in style socket protectors. (I also work in evidence based risk identification).

Oh no, what’s the safety risk with plug in socket protectors? They sell them in Boots!