Should I send DD to school nursery or keep her private?

[QuestioningEveryLittleThing]

Looking for some advice from those who have gone through this already. (Sorry for long post…) DD is currently in an ofsted ‘outstanding’ private nursery a 5 min drive from our house. Has been there since she was 1, full time. She’s now 3. She loves it, has been very happy there, knows everyone and has loads of friends. She’s confident and has really thrived. She’s a June baby.

She has a place at our local primary nursery for Sept 24, which is a 5 minute walk and has an amazing outdoor space attached to a forest. They offer wraparound care on site which we would need, and this is the primary we hope she would end up going to in reception, so long as she gets a place.

I'm currently on mat leave with DS who arrived in March 24. It has been a bit of a roller coaster but DD finally seems to have settled after the initial upheaval of new sibling. My question is around whether this change is going to throw her again so soon after the new sibling? There are 2 people going to the same nursery from her existing nursery but that’s it. What if she regresses / hates it?! I also don’t feel like I can devote 100% of my time to helping her to transition as I’ve got her brother strapped to me 24/7 at the moment and it’s hard. I’ll be doing drop off / pick ups everyday. The main reason for the move though is that it’s so much cheaper than our private nursery which is £1500 a month. The school wraparound is less than £400 a month so a significant saving.

Hubbie thinks she’ll be fine and wants her to be able to enjoy the great outdoor space at the school. But then I’ll be doing most of the admin, and they don’t have a holiday club either - there are some but they’re off site. So that would be another change for her to get used to… if we had the spare money I would defo prefer to keep her at her existing nursery where her brother will also be going to from Feb next year. But I feel conflicted. We could probably just about manage at a push but it would be a stretch financially. Am I making it way more complicated than it needs to be?! And to those who have done it, did your child transition fairly easily from one to another? And what about holiday clubs that were off site - did they hate them? My niece hates hers so my sister has ended up having to take most of the holidays off work to hang out with her…

Thanks to those who have made it this far! And thanks so much in advance for any advice..

She’s 3. Other kids she knows will be going and the school nursery sounds great. The transition to primary will be easier for her. It’s cheaper. It ticks a lot of boxes. I’d go for it. Will she need holiday clubs straight away if you are on mat leave?

@gerispringer thank you. To be honest I’m a bit embarrassed to say but I think I would send her when on mat leave, Atleast for a few days. I really struggle with the two of them for just a couple of hours at the minute so the thought of a full day / week fills me with dread. Or maybe it’s just what I need to face my fear! We do have some help as my in laws are local and amazing, but they’re not up to helping for a full day, maybe just half a day. But I guess we could muddle through October & Feb half term with help from them….

Why on earth would you be embarrassed. Its for her benefit as much as yours

Is that just because you're not used to it though? It would be lovely to spend time with her before she starts school, since you're on mat leave.

I feel embarrassed because I feel like I don’t have an excuse not to keep her home during the holidays as I’m off work at the mo. But I don’t feel like I can cope with 2 at home for a full week. Currently can’t put my baby down for longer than 5 mins, he’s still feeding on demand and I take all of his naps with him during the day so that I can also catch up.

If I didn’t have DS I would definitely love to spend time with her before she starts school & while I’m off… but I can’t currently see how it would work without me getting burnout / total overwhelm with two

DS was doing 3 days at nursery when DD arrived (he was aged 2).. And carried on doing 3 days at nursery! It wouldn't have worked for either of us if he'd been at home all week. No guilt here, I loved my days with just DD when she was a baby.
It sounds like the school nursery is the way forward. They adapt really quickly at that age

If she is old enough to understand, perhaps frame it as Big School, where the Big Kids go. Because once she’s in, she doesn’t leave for years. Walk past at various times this week so she can see, if you can.

We had playgroup in the classroom dd later went into and the transition was just so easy.

If she’s happy where she is, I would keep her there. Time flies so quickly it won’t be long before she goes to School in reception. My DS still attended nursery when I had my second, my DS liked routine, he only did 2 sessions per week, but gave us both a bit of time apart.

Our transition to reception helped immensely by attending the school nursery. All very smooth and they made lots of friends once there which they moved up with. In a few months, it’ll probably get easier with two and it will be nice to spend some time with her before she starts school full time so you may be able to have them both rather than holiday club/wrap around.

I’m not sure I would move her if you are going to need holiday clubs. I haven’t used them at this age group but would worry that it would be quite unsettling for them being in a different care setting with a different group of kids & carers for a week at a time. So if you want holiday clubs stay at the private nursery.

They offer wraparound care on site which we would need, and this is the primary we hope she would end up going to in reception, so long as she gets a place.

If you are okay with her potentially moving 3x go for it.
I had a friend who did this and she was pretty confident about it but she didn't get the primary school place (was criteria 4 last place went to a 3?!) and was NOT happy. Her ds moved again and it was okay in the end

I'm not doing this myself because i need the wraparound and i dont love what the school offers in terms of that (and moving to term time is problematic for us due to needing ft 8-6) but thats just me.

@Trainntrack thank you I really hope it will get easier, I’m beginning to think I’m not cut out to be a mum if I can’t look after two on my own. I used to struggle with daughter before son was born! I’ll keep working on it. And yes defo to making the reception transition easier is a plus

Does the private nursery offer wraparound? That's what we do here. The school nursery is great school prep and the private nursery is childcare. They pick up from the school nursery and cover the school holidays.

Fully understand about wanting her in while you're on maternity leave! We left our eldest in nursery, which she loved and it meant I could focus on the baby. Worked for us.

What would the plan be for holidays? Would you need childcare?

Ah don't feel embarrassed. They give people funded hours for a reason - nursery is for the kid's benefit too

@TemuSpecialBuy good point about moving several times… this school would be our first choice anyway and we’re fairly
close (0.5miles) and it’s a low birth rate year again apparently so not oversubscribed, but there isn’t a guarantee and it is a bit of a gamble in case that does happen

I missed that the nursery school offers wraparound. I'd do that then. Does the wraparound cover holidays? They all do here.

OP please don't worry about the two on your own thing. It's ridiculously hard at first when you have newborn and a toddler but it gets so much easier! Everyone finds it hell initially.

I'd move her to the school nursery, even if you end up using wraparound in the school holidays full time it will still be cheaper than the private day nursery.

Echo what others have said about making it easier for her to settle into reception too!

Oh i have a 2 year old amd a 6m old. I have them both one day a week and have to prep and be so organised and still spend the day praying the timings work out. I like the extra time with my oldest but there are hairy moments

My mat leave friend has her 3 yo and baby 2 days a week and was in tears as she finds it so hard. I was like "just go back to 4 days" she needed to hear it from someone else. There is no shame in any of it

@BumBumCream yes we would need holiday club and this is my worry. I don’t want to have to move her to yet another new setting. Hadn’t thought about the age thing though and how adaptable they will be when they’re older. Do you think older kids are better with the holiday club transition?

What will you do in the holidays? When you are back from maternity leave that's two weeks at Easter, one for half term and then six weeks summer. How will drop offs/pick up work when DS is at nursery and DD at school? Do your 30 hours kick in in Sept for DD and does that make much of a difference in cost?

Having two is hard! It takes a while to find a new rhythm and places to go where you feel vaguely in control of them both.

Is there a child minder or such that you could use in the holidays locally? Maybe she would prefer that set up.

The school nursery sounds amazing - I would go for it!

My younger one did a similar move and he really thrived at school nursery with the much better outdoor facilities

He did fine with wraparound and holiday club too - but also with the cost saving you're making, if she doesn't, you could hire a babysitter or "mother's help" type person to give you a hand in the holidays

@CelesteCunningham thank you. No wraparound don’t offer holidays which is the tricky bit.., it’s offsite at a different school

I would say move her. It's hard to understand when your children are still small but at that age they make friends with anyone and it really shouldn't be a concern that she might not make friends or might miss current friends. Often by age 4 private daycare nurseries are not enough for almost school-ready children, but I do appreciate your little one is a June baby so that may not apply to her. My only reservation in your case is whether the holiday clubs take 3 year olds. They don't take them till 4 around here.