I wanted to update on the “shall I dump him by text post”

[ForOliveShaker]

I did it!!!!! I posted about whether I should or shouldn’t. I contemplated it and went back and fourth. He cancelled on me 12 times and I was always so patient and kind. He pushed me so much for sex and always said “the chemistry is so there” “we need to sort it soon” “it needs to be something we try”. In the end I went with

“Hi this isn’t working. We’re looking for different things. All the best!”
Him: “hey I understand sorry it didn’t work out, all the same to you”

But this just didn’t sit right with me. My peace didn’t feel protected. So after his reply I said

“Tbh it’s you. You’re so flakey, probably married or with someone and pushed too hard for sex. You’re the problem”
I then said “oh and the sex was absolutely awful, and you desperately begged for it. You’re fucking pathetic. Now I’m done. Good riddance”

Guys. I know I was stupid for doing it. And no of course he didn’t reply. But god it felt good. Yes I’m a pretty pathetic excuse of a woman for doing it too.

Well done! You know what we are overly socialised to be nice and not direct or truthful
That’s problematic and leads to women mollifying and excusing dreadful male behaviour

But he got what he wanted...

Glad you feel good for sending it, but I would just completely move on from it now and forget about him.

Exactly. So it makes no odds to him. I knew this. I knew it before I got into it. But it’s fine, you live and learn!

Done! He’s blocked and deleted the number so there’s no going back🙂

It seems a bit spiteful to tell him that the sex was awful though. People would be disgusted if a man said that to a woman.

It seems a bit spiteful to cancel on 12 dates and keep making excuses for oneself. Particularly when I was always consistent and fair.

As what you mean by 'my peace didn't feel protected' was 'I couldn't handle that his response indicated what I should have known all along that he couldn't give a shiny shit about me', the best thing you can do for yourself is learn from this. When someone tells you who they are, listen. Next time 'I can't make it because my grandma has died.' Your response is 'I'm sorry to hear that. I wish you all the best.'

Yes, totally agree that he is a twat but you don’t need to sink to his level. Hope you find someone decent next time OP x

Agreed

Normally I would agree with you but after reading both of her threads and the angst involved just be grateful she's blocked him 😉

Well done OP. I hope you find some peace and can move on.

I wasnt kind. I know that. But I was coming from a place of feeling like I knew the truth all along and I’ve spent years trying to make stuff right with others that I forgot about me. Thank you x

see, some of it was probably my stupidity. And I know this. I’m not mad at him. I’m mad at me for knowing full well he was no good but carrying on. So the anger towards me ended up blowing up on him

Fuck being nice. You spoke as you found.
Maybe he'll up his game in future and now you've got a taste of speaking up for yourself and being true to yourself.

Well done!

Thank you🥹I told my best mate straight after and she gave me a big clap. This is huge for me. I’ve been treated like a doormat before and never spoke up.

Well done OP 👏🏼

I didn't read the other thread, but that seems like a pretty disgusting way to talk to someone, hardly something to be proud of!

So is: sending me 12 excuses to cancel dates, ringing me in the hour to cancel and lying about all of these things constantly, using me for sex. While he wasn’t disgusting with words. He was disgusting with his actions.

Good for you OP. Sometimes it’s cathartic to bite back a bit. Yeah you could have melted away in to the back ground like ‘good’ women are supposed to or you can stick the finger up. 😁

I’ve said much worse to my ex husband 😂😂

I agree that it’s spiteful to keep cancelling dates and playing with someone’s feelings. He might learn something from this episode🫤

@ForOliveShaker how did he even get to 12 cancellations?! Surely you would have got the hint after the second or third? You can't have thought his actions were that disgusting at the time if you shagged him 👀 I think your ego was hurt that he didn't seem bothered by you ending it, so to "protect your peace" you were nasty to him 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think if you had said what you said in the first message it would have been fine, but following up with that kind of message is just cringe. He won't take it as an empowered stand or even think any of what you said was true, he will just take it as a bitter ex and laugh. The fact you let him blow you off 12 times is incredible and shows his aim was to mess you around and rile him up. He's won but hopefully lesson learned.

It wasn’t 12 consecutively. It was more like 2 per month between dates.

I'm happy you've stepped away from this idiot. You really do deserve so much more in a partner. I think you lost your advantage and superiority through that text though. Much more dignified for you and damaging to his ego to quietly and happily move on.