The worst types of annoying people.

[Mysterian]

The crumb leavers. You open up the pot of 'Fuck Me If It's Not Butter!!!!' and find it covered in crumbs. "They're only breadcrumbs" they say, but how old? And are they bread? Can you guarantee they're bread? I'm not eating 3 week old mystery lumps. Stop being disgusting and get some basic spread sharing etiquette. [also see jam butterers]

The upside down bottle right-way-uppers. The scientists at Heinz spend years of their life designing bottles of ketchup that stand on their lids to help you extract every last dollop. Society moves on. Some lids go on the bottom. Get over it.

Champagne spooners. You really think that champagne keeps it fizz if you put a spoon in the neck of the open bottle? A spoon blocks gas? That famously chunky state of matter? Sure, because I'm constantly having to mash air with a fork to get it into small enough pieces to breathe. [eyeroll emoji]

Todays worst type of people!

Cyclists riding 2 a breast and 4 riders deep irritability waving me to pass them on a road with numerous blind bends!

People who park in bloody passing places and piss off on a walk when there's a fucking car park directly opposite the road for walkers.

Arghhhhh

When I'm driving: Cyclists who take up most of the road, cycle really slowly and just expect you to wait behind them forever
When I'm cycling: Impatient car drivers who make it really obvious they don't think you belong in the road, are just itching to overtake you at the first opportunity or expect you to pull over into the ditch to let them get past.

No,

Because part of the point of reading Russian literature as a teenager is that people think "wow, that teenager is so intellectual, she is reading Russian literature." Not "This person must be sad to be all alone."

So it is very relevant. And book would not have sufficed.
Clearly you are not intelligent enough to understand this.

People who walk around in public having a phone conversation with their phone on speaker, held up towards their face, when instead they could just take it off speaker and hold the phone mere millimeters higher... so the whole world WOULDN'T have to hear both sides of their conversation.

These people also project their voices to travel incredible distances, to ensure absolutely everyone within a 5 mile radius knows THEY'RE ON THE PHONE AND IT'S SUPER IMPORTANT.

And people who don't thank you for giving way.

When I was a teenager in Lower Sixth...(my God, I am dying of shame that this is a true story)...we had to do a drama activity during our first week with our peers aimed at shattering the first impressions that people might have about us. It involved us all having to stand in a spotlight "playing" our stereotype to the maximum level, then sharing an honest, surprising fact about ourselves and should make people go, "wow...I never realised...what an incredible human being, I would like to be like them".

"My name is Dave, most people see me as a dumb jock. What I'd like people to know about me is that I grew up in foster care and I'm studying hard to get a good job so I can legally adopt my younger siblings and get them out of the care system."

"My name is Sarah, most people see me as the funny, fat one! What I'd like you to know is that what you see as fat, is actually a condition called Lymphodema which causes fluid to collect on my thighs. For me it started after a six year battle with childhood cancer. My sense of humour was my coping mechanism to make people feel better about the fact I was sick and might die."

And me...

"My name is PerkyMintDeer, most of you assume that I'm obsessed with makeup and clothes and not very bright. What I want you to know about me is that in my spare time I adore poring over the world's greatest works of literature and that my favourite author is the mid 19th century Russian novelist Fyodor Dostoevsky." (complete with accurate Russian pronunciation to up the ponce level)

I'd read Crime and Punishment once because it was my celebrity crush's favourite book. No one thought I was obsessed with my appearance. Everyone knew I was a bookworm. My favourite author was probably JK Rowling.

Sorry if already said but people that put back say a pack of ham with one tiny bit in it or a tiny bit of cheese back in the fridge. Teenager put bag of pasta back once with 2 bits pasta in. Suppose shld be grateful puts it away. Well he does sometimes. Husband put two mushrooms back in fridge once.

@PerkyMintDeer 😂I could talk about teenage me talking about Goethe but pronouncing it Go-eth. To be fair teenage me was probably very annoying.

Or the worst - a toilet roll left on the holder with one tiny scrap of toilet paper (a fragment of a sheet) still attached.

People who say "myself" when they mean "I".

😂😂
All non-classic literature should come in a dust jacket proclaiming
SAD & LONELY
TALK TO ME
because that's the only possible reason for reading lowbrow
😂😂

How does something that is pasted on the surface of the car, cost energy?

People who queue far too close to me at the supermarket checkout. Move my stuff along so it’s all cramped together and try and balance their basket on the very end of the belt to unload it quicker.
This does not make the till operator go faster, but it seriously pisses me off and makes me pack and pay r-e-a-l-l-y s-l-o-w-l-y

DH opened the Not Butter, peeled off a corner of the foil, ave dug a small vegetable knife into it. That’s not what we do here!

I haven't seen a car with eyelashes in about 20 years if not more!

You and me both. And I did.

Also loved classical music, even WAG-nerian type stuff and De-vor-ack.

People who walk around in public having a phone conversation with their phone on speaker, held up towards their face, when instead they could just take it off speaker and hold the phone mere millimeters higher

I've seen people do this while on GODDAMN FACETIME and WALKING AIMLESSLY AROUND THE SUPERMARKET. The person on the other end of the call must have had a spectacular view up their nose. Which would probably have distracted from the utter banality of the conversation. Next time I'm going to join in.