Seeing someone in funeral home after 12 plus days

[IncessantNameChanger]

Not me but a relative has been given this option. I think this will be an extremely bad idea, it's been too long.

Do they want to visit, has the funeral director given any advice on how they look, are they embalmed.

They haven't asked if they have been embalmed but I'm presuming not. No advice from the funeral directors who are normally very good with being honest. That's a good idea. No one can think straight. The NOK has suggested it, it's blindsided my relative I think as it's something they normally do, but within the week of death

I'd ask the funeral director's advice about this. I was advised once not to view the body.

I'd speak with the funeral director and see what they say at this obviously difficult time,

I would presume they have been embalmed after that length of time.
The body would have started to decompose badly by now, even if refrigerated (I’d have thought). I would ask the funeral director.

It would depend on a few factors I think. Whether the person had been dead a while before being found etc. I saw my dad 12 days after he passed and it was fine. He chose not to be embalmed too.

There is always the option of a closed casket viewing.

Thanks, they died in hospital. I will tell them to talk directly to the funeral director not via the NOK. The whole thing is hideous as it is.

I used to be a funeral arranger. All deceased are different and how quickly they deteriorate will depend on the illness suffered, what medicines were being taken, and how the body has been stored. If the family requested embalming quite quickly then the body should still be in a good condition. Nevertheless, don't assume that after 12 days it will be decomposed. There may only be some slight discolouration which can be hidden with make up. If the body has been kept in the correct cool, conditions then it may still be ok. I'd take direction from the funeral director and ask their honest opinion.

My mil died on the 21st and her funeral is not until the 18th of this month. She is having a 'natural burial', so no preserving of the body. They must be keeping her intact (so to speak) somehow. Not that anyone is viewing the body.

I really wish I had not viewed my dad’s body. It was a sudden death so delay. So not what I had imagined it would be like (saying goodbye). So I hope your relative makes the right decision for them.

A closed casket visit to the funeral home can be a good idea. I've done both for close family members and preferred the coffin closed. We took along items to be placed in the coffin before burial (photos etc).

I viewed my Nans body 4 weeks after she died (there was a post mortem and then she was embalmed) because I promised my mum I would do it on her behalf.

I wouldn’t advise it, the makeup etc couldn’t hide the discolouration and changes to her face…. I was quite distressed afterwards as it looked like a completely different person.

Only yesterday I went to view and say goodbye to a relative at funeral parlour... around 3 weeks deceased. He looked lovely (figuratively speaking) and peaceful

My brother in law who lives abroad did this after 2 weeks and said he wished he hadn’t. The body has changed a lot. How important is it to the relative, do you think?

I didn't recognise my sister after 12 days and thought they'd shown me the wrong person. I was really upset

I saw my granny 11 days after death. No issues.

I saw my dad less than an hour after died at home.

I wish I hadn't - even in that short time he just didnt look my dad. All I remember now is how little he looked. I had seen him 8 hours before he died but after, laying in the same bed at home he just looked tiny and not himself.

I don't understand why anybody would wish to view a dead body unless really quickly after death to be honest. I hate the thought of anyone viewing me in that condition. May need to write that down somewhere.

My mum had brought up a bunch of black bile before she died so it was over her face, front and teeth. It was a relief to see her cleaned up and dressed when we viewed the body.

It hadn't crossed their mind due to the time passed. Also the deceased was very ill. The death was still a massive shock but not Totally unexpected. Chemo. Cancer. Long fight.

My mum was embalmed and I visited her at the same funeral directors. They told me a open viewing was a bad idea. Even the closed coffin and embalming and cold couldn't hold back the process of time. We all think it's,a bad idea. I wouldn't do it in this circumstance. I have said that's there's no right or wrong choice, my relative has Irish roots so seeing people after they have died is normal for them. But I think in this case its going to be regretted. They wasn't in the country at time of death and I don't think this has been thought out. More like, this is what we do as a family and your here at last.

I don't regret sitting with my mums coffin. But I wouldn't have wanted see.

Nok said they had become unrecognisable on admittance to hospital and my relative hadn't seen the deceased for a year. I just want to stop anymore suffering.

You should. It's not what they would wanted either

I suppose everyone, s different, but i tend to agree and I wouldn't want my last memory of them to be when they are deceased

It's very, very subjective, and alas the only way any one will know if they shouldn't have seen the body is if they go and see the body. There's no knowing how anyone will feel.

When my mum died, I saw her within the hour. She'd collapsed at home and was lying where she'd slumped. She looked terrible compared to what she looked like when I saw her the day before, standing in the kitchen making coffee like she'd done in that kitchen since 1969. No one knew death was hours away.

She was not alone when it happened, and I was contacted immediately. I have a photo of her which I took soon after she passed, and for me I will forever hold it dear. I am so glad I took it, despite her looking far from her best.

However, she was embalmed, and when I saw her several weeks later at the funeral home, she looked exactly like she did when I saw her soon after she died. So, in her case, it was not the time that had passed which caused an issue, it was how she looked when she died.

The thing which upset me most (and it was merely a sadness more than anything else) were the clothes they had dressed her in. I was not responsible for the choice, and the relative who chose them may not have realised her blouse was very much an "every day" blouse she wore a lot, as opposed to everything else she had in the wardrobe.

I was ok with it all. Another relative was hysterical. There is no knowing who will react and how. It is your job OP to support the choices of those involved. Unless professionals have deemed it an unpleasant process due to the state of the body upon death, you cannot advise them which way to go.

I have told my relative there's no right or wrong choice to make. It will be right desision for them. I'm just worried in case they have started to decompose to be blunt. If you've seen over ten dead relatives and friends nothings going to prepair you for that