Why do some women despise me for not being neat?

[Tarene]

I am lots better at math and science, and even art, than I am at being neat.
I don't have a dirty, messy place, but I do have clutter on my tables. I live in a small apartment, so it's hard to find enough space at times. I also like to write books, stories and poetry, so I have lots of paper around.
This all seems to make other women despise me a lot. I was told by my oldest friend that she didn't mind my messiness, but other people would. That was even though I thought that I'd cleaned like crazy before her rare visits to me. I was dropped by her, but try to feel relieved, because she bragged a lot about her money, trips abroad, and her perfect house.
She was not the only one despising me, though.
Should I try harder to be neat? I find math and all of the other things easy. But cleaning like those people do is beyond me. I seem to get confused, and never know where to start, and so on, whenever I try to make my place a showpiece like theirs. I can do math in my head, but not cleaning!

Ooo all the mean girls!

I think you sound deluded if you think they despise you because you choose to live in an untidy house.

Are you always so prone to dramatic language?

There's intellectual ability, and there's executive function. The two don't necessarily go together. The op is highly intelligent but struggles with executive function. It makes you feel shit when you can't manage what everyone else does easily. It's also easy to beat yourself up for this, thinking stuff like "if I can work this out in my head, why can't I do this physical thing?"

It gets wearing on your confidence and self esteem and makes you feel judged.

That’s illogical. She thinks people , women, despise her as she’s messy. This is, I’m sure you know. Highly unlikely.

I'm an extremely today person. I do not despise women who aren't. I do wonder how anyone can be really untidy, but I realise everyone's differnt.

I do wish I had your talents though.

I had a lifelong friend - we met at age 3 in Sunday school.
We weren’t best friends, but we were always friends, and didn’t see each other much after we attended different universities.
When we were in our 30s, she had a toddler and asked me to babysit one evening while she and her husband went out.
The first thing she said when they arrived was, “I’m surprised your house is so clean.”
She had never been in any of my homes before that evening. Ever. Not once in over 30 years.
People do an awful lot of judging, I think — based on what, I haven’t the foggiest.

The only person I know that mentions how good she is at maths so frequently is very socially awkward.
It is unlikely to be the clutter in your flat putting people off.

How do they despise you? Have you made it up in your head or have they told you?

It looks a bit like this thread, probably.

Cheer up OP, it could be worse: you could be dreadful at tidying and at maths, like me! Time for some new friends, although easier said than done given how many women are ridiculously judgy about housework and neatness.

Who despises you exactly? I'm messy and other people don't care or don't say anything if they do. I prefer the phrase cluttered but clean 😂 but I can't imagine people give a shit as much as you think they do.

I'm a tidy person, but my sister isn't. Her house is full of clutter. I don't despise her, but I couldn't live like her.

I’d love to hang out with people who write poetry.
I don’t care if someone has a cluttered house either.
I would draw the line at a very dirty house though.
For example if it smells bad or there is animal poo lying around- you get the drift.
I’d rather be with an artistic person than one who spends all their free time cleaning.
Having said that, all adults should spend time doing housework, you can’t really function otherwise. Unless you are absolutely minted and have a cook, nanny, cleaner, chauffeur etc.

I'm just waiting for the posters who think that doing something "worthy" is more important than keeping basic cleanliness.

It is entirely possible to have a homely and clean home and write poetry (poetry bores me to tears, sorry) be good at art and do complicated maths equations.

Why do you think "other women" despise you for this? Nothing in your post has indicated this, you're just assuming.

I dislike clutter and mess, honestly I think it's lazy to not make any attempt to keep your living space neat and tidy. But I wouldn't "despise" anyone for it.

Saying you're good at maths isn't an excuse for not tidying up either, it's just a lazy excuse like when people say about men not noticing mess the way women do.

I wonder if your home is much worse then you describe in reality and it made your friend uncomfortable?

A cluttered home can't be clean, it just can't so I suspect that's an issue too.

Strong pick me vibes here.

I doubt people despise you for anything least of all your house. However I certainly hate spending time at houses which are dirty/cluttered and despite what people claim if your house is cluttered it’s not clean.

This!

My friend used to tell me she'd cleaned her whole house and got rid of loads of stuff.

It never looked any different to me. It was a hoarder's paradise.

But she liked it. And I liked her. We were friends for twenty years until she died.

I loved her. I certainly didn't despise her.

I don't think she could do maths in her head though

I think this is a deliberately goady thread attempting to pit female stereotypes against each other. It was supposed to stir up the camp of women who believe in tidy homes but with the implication they are stupid and can't do maths or poetry. The main character here is clearly designed to be a pick me, ND woman who's a genius in STEM but can't stay organised.

The fact the OP has never been back despite a lot of helpful and kind comments speaks volumes.

I’m good at maths and I have a clean house, do I get a medal? 😁

I don’t know why you keep mentioning your maths prowess.
it’s as if you’re suggesting that tidier/cleaner people can only do cleaning. that they don’t have other skills.

I think you can learn to clean and prioritise it.
you can remove clutter.
you can make more effective storage.

My SIL threw at me that she thinks I'm a skank who never tidies. She forgets her bloody brother is capable and I work longer hours than him and get about 2 hours sleep a night if I'm lucky.

What she means is she lives in a clinical, boring house with nothing in it bar the essentials of say sofa, beds, wardrobes etc. it's cold and has no personality.

Meanwhile, I have books (put away in a cupboard all neatly), music and pictures on the wall. My home pleases me and is my style. I don't care if the kids leave stuff on the kitchen table, it's where everyone congregates in our house. It's not dirty like she makes out.

Sod them. Your home. Your rules. I don't care that she doesn't like me, I couldn't give a shit about her bullshit opinions. She actually had the audacity to tell me to chuck loads of my belongings away. Fuck that.

Stop inviting these rude fuckers in.