Not scaring people help needed.

[Mysterian]

I'm a stealthy kind of person. Never smoked and no lung conditions so my breathing is pretty much silent. I move elegantly across the planet like a mountain goat, again, making no sound. I'm also no Nick Knowles: I'm a bit on the shy side and rarely dramatically burst into a room causing a loud kerfuffle. All this means I often enter a place already occupied by a fellow human who has no idea I'm there. Then it's only a matter of time before they realise and scream. It happens a lot.
What can I do when I'm in the room? Quickly saying "don't scream" seems like exactly the wrong thing to say.

Wear a bell round your neck

Cultural appropriation. Cows would complain.

Don’t know, but DH complains I regularly do this to him. “Sneaky sneaking up on me trying to give me a heart attack” he says. Thing is it doesn’t matter at which point in my journey towards him I alert him to my presence, he still jumps.

My husband is like this, he moves like a ninja and I am always jumping out of fright. Some people are just quiet. It does my nerves no good!

Wear tap dancing shoes? Or wooden clogs.

I gave colleagues a fright also due to my stealthy ways.

I started saying random phrases.
cowabunga worked for a while

Develop a persistent cough? Or at least a strategic one, just before you enter a room.

I doubt I'd make a noise in tap shoes. I really am that silent. Like the ghost of a mime.

Marry me? I'm so sick of the elephant-like demeanor of my partner and children.

Hum lightly as you move around the house works for me. Unless I want to eavesdrop on a conversation.

Or buy slippers that you scrape along the floor constantly irritating yourself by the noise!

Cough - a nice phlegmmy one, snort, harrumph and blow your nose loudly.
This will help solve your problem, because you will not be invited anywhere.

Constantly wear an 80s Laura Ashley taffeta ballgown.
Those bastards rustled like a tin of quality street on boxing afternoon.

Or start vaping and be proceeded into every room by a billowing cloud of pick 'n' mix scented air.

Bangles. Even ghosts are jangling when they're bangling.

What can I do when I'm in the room? Quickly saying "don't scream" seems like exactly the wrong thing to say.

Yes, you are right there.

I think the answer lies in announcing yourself before entering, rather than once you are there.
The question is how soon to start coughing/snorting/whistling/clomping. Outside the door? 10 feet away? Practice makes perfect.

Try a Martin Goodman inspired, "Hello Bambinos!"

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Coughing is traditional

Could we all work together to make cowabunga a thing once more?

Maybe you need to narrate your movements and say in a rather pompous voice ‘dum de dum de dah I’m entering the living room, Alphonso is sat watching homes under the hammer, I simply mustn’t startle or jolt the poor feller’ etc etc ‘’here I am climbing the stairs with the grace of a mountain goat- be aware I am around’

Carry a foghorn and use it to announce your arrival?

I do this

I'm helped by being so short, I appear below people's eye lines

I'm a genuine surprise when people turn around.

I say "Boo" and carry on

Small brass band accompanying you everywhere and announcing your arrival? (I have always quite fancied this myself).

Take up humming.

Or whistling.

I can't tell you how much I am enjoying this thread…

My contribution? Sing. A fruity operatic aria would be good, or an impersonation of Robert Plant at his wonderful wailiest.

Encase yourself in bubble wrap?

Start doing dad-singing when you walk in a room: "du du duuu, a Dee Dee deeee, bom bu bu bom do deee" and then clear your throat at the end for no reason