Do you have access to his/her phone

[Whatmonth]

We have been married for over 45 years.
He has access to mine and I have access to his phone.
Surely if you are married or in a loving relationship there should be no secrets.

Wouldn’t occur to me to look at anyone’s phone.

We don't have access to each other's phones. Nor do we track each other. Wouldn't occur to either of us to look at phones/locations.

I suppose I could use his phone. But I trust him and feel no need to “check” it.

We use each others phones occasionally and have a list of passwords for banks, emails, utilities, social media, iClouds etc, in case one of us drops dead suddenly.

Why would we need it? It's not prevented as such, but actively trying to gain access seems weird.

We don't have access to each others phones. We're still our own people and are entitled to privacy.

No, not interested in his phone, he certainly wouldn't be interested in mine

Surely if you are married or in a loving relationship there should be no secrets.

And this is weird and creepy. Everyone is able to have a life of their own. Couples who want to shit in front of each other or do grooming things, go right ahead. That's not me.

Both of us have each others passcodes in our own phones just in case one of us drops dead and can't get access. But I would never look at his phone and he'd be bored to tears with mine!

We've been married for 34 years (not that it matters) and have never felt the need to access each other's phones.

No, we don't. I think DH knows my passcode but neither of us would think to look at each other's phone not least as we both have work emails/teams/slack etc on there.

People are still entitled to privacy in a relationship.

(Also, it does also make me laugh when people say couples should have access to each other's phones as you shouldn't have any secrets; I'm pretty sure the fact that my DH doesn't know the long WhatsApp group chat I had with some friends earlier about floor tiles is something he considers a positive rather than grounds for a divorce).

Surely if you’ve been married for 45 years, you trust one another?

Same as @Christ0nABike I know his passwords and we keep a list of things so we can access should we need it.

It was never a discussion about trust or anything like that. Just practical

I can use it for anything I wish should I ask - realistically I know the pin so could use it regardless but wouldn’t. Would I ‘check’ it or snoop? Nah, never felt the need. If I felt the need I’d consider our relationship over. Trust and honesty are everything to me, I’d end the relationship if I had any reasonable reason to doubt him. We’ve been together over 20 years btw, two kids, house etc

I have been with my partner 5 years. We are in our 50s.

I don’t let him see my phone and he doesn’t see mine.

I have relationships with my kids and friends that are none of his business.

i think it’s weird to have to see each others phones.

long time married and full access to all devices
zero trust issues.

I have access in the sense that I know the passcode, and he knows mine. We might look at each other's phone if the other person is busy - like if I'm driving and I need him to check something he will. Or if mine is charging in another room I'll use his if I wanted to look something up or check the weather etc

But neither of us would go through the other person's messages. It's not about secrecy, it's about privacy.

We can both open each other's phones (actually all the kids can open mine too) but not interested to snoop just so we can take photos/change an audiobook for the driver etc

We have all the family on find my phone but only use in emergency (&when I need to know when to put tea on sometimes 😆)

I'm with the majority. We could access each others phone if we needed to but we don't because why would we? I'm interested to know op, if you mean you both regularly go through each others phone or if you mean you have each others passcode or whatever?

Yep of course as needed - only time we banish each other from the respective others phone is around birthday/Christmas when there might be something which gives away presents.

Yes, we can both unlock each others phones and I would think nothing of grabbing his to search for something, and same with mine

I know his pin so I could unlock his phone if I wanted to. But why would I want to?

We know each others passcodes in case of death and occasionally answer each other's if one of us is on the loo or something

Don't feel the need to look at them really

Being in a relationship or marriage shouldn't mean you lose your right to privacy. I'd be beyond pissed if I caught my husband snooping through my phone.

No. Why would I need to?

Surely in a loving relationship you don't feel the need to monitor each other.