Do you have access to his/her phone

[Whatmonth]

We have been married for over 45 years.
He has access to mine and I have access to his phone.
Surely if you are married or in a loving relationship there should be no secrets.

No. We have been married 30+ years. Why would we ever need to look at each other's phones? Apart from the fact that independence and privacy are vital in any relationship.

We both know the passwords to each others phones

but would only look in an emergency or if eg there was a message on one of them when the other is driving

I'm single but if I was married I wouldn't let him have access to my phone.

It's not about having "secrets" it's about a right to privacy. I am my own individual person, not an extension of someone else. My ex who was abusive used to check my phone as a form of control, I won't ever allow it again.

Also, my friends or family might want to discuss something private with me. I wouldn't want my friends partners reading messages that I send to my friends, so I wouldn't do it to them either.

We don't "have access" but we leave our phones unlocked around each other and could go through them if we really wanted to I suppose... I don't feel the need and don't think he does, either!

Why do you need to be reassured if you trust him though?

We both know each others' PIN numbers but I've never checked his phone and he's never checked mine.

We know each others passwords. But we've never looked at each other's phones just to look. If one of us is driving or busy, we might ask each other to check a message that's just come through. I will use his phone to take pictures because my camera is rubbish and then I'll look at the pictures and send then to me. I'll text his mates if he's driving. Just doing handy stuff really. I trust him and he trusts me so no need to snoop.

Its surprising how many think access to each others phone instantly means lack of trust or privacy. Me and DH have the same passcodes so we can use each others phone, we don't snoop at messages but like a few will use each others for Google etc if it's the closest phone. We also do location sharing, not so we can spy on each other but because I run regularly and he likes to have it from a safety perspective. It's also handy for me to see if he is on his way home so I can put dinner on.

It boils my piss when one of my friends’ husbands respond to a WhatsApp message on their behalf. They shouldn’t be in that conversation!

Yes, but I have only accessed it once. And not to snoop.
His phone got damaged and sent a whole load of random messages to our street WhatsApp including contact details for family members etc.
Too right I jumped on it and deleted the messages. He was out.

Otherwise, of course I trust him, and I have no interest in looking on his phone despite knowing the passcode.

@Whatmonth "Surely if you are married or in a loving relationship there should be no secrets"

I have LOADS of things on my phone that I wouldn't want my dp (nearly 40 years now!) to see.

Surely if you are married or in a loving relationship there should be no secrets.

I don't think having basic privacy with your phone means you are keeping secrets.

No we don't, it's not that I have anything to hide on my phone and doubt he does either but I'm just not interested in looking at his phone! If say I have my phone on me and he doesn't and asks if he can just search for something quickly on mine then I'll unlock it and let him use it, and vice versa. He doesn't need constant access

We know each other's PIN codes, useful in an emergency or very occasional access eg if the owner is driving or whatever but we don't access them routinely and trust each other not to snoop. DH has a blood glucose monitor and it is occasionally useful for me to be able to check it (sometimes it beeps in the night and wakes me but not him). If anything happened to me eg sudden death it would be the easiest way for him to access my email and social media accounts as well as family phone numbers etc and vice versa.

No
I'm not that insecure nor overbearing

We both know the passcodes to each other’s phone, plus passwords to each other’s email accounts but we don’t check them out.

There is a big difference between ‘having access’ and ‘checking’. I have access to DH’s phone and he to mine. Neither of us check the phones, just occasionally use each others for google, music whilst driving etc, or sometimes he will dictate a work email or text if we are travelling. I would never go through his emails or messages though. Sometimes he gets a bit secretive around Christmas and birthdays though!

I could probably guess his password if I felt the need, but surely in a loving committed relationship there would be no need to suspect each other of keeing secrets?

We can track each other, but it's more for convenience than a question of trust.

What for? Are you also one of these people who tells your spouse something you were told in confidence because you ‘don’t have secrets’ even if it’s nothing to do with them?

Me and my DH have each others passcodes and sometimes use each others phones (depending on ordering food, using certain apps etc) sometimes he might ask me to reply to a work message if he's driving or reply to his parents regarding the kids or something, but we dont go snooping through each others phones. Zero trust issues.

@WetBandits "What for? Are you also one of these people who tells your spouse something you were told in confidence because you ‘don’t have secrets’ even if it’s nothing to do with them?"

This makes me INCANDESCENT!!!