Is it offensive to ask why someone never had kids? kid

[Roundtheroundabout27]

I come from a religious community where ppl mostly get married young and have families and life revolves a lot around family lifestyle. It would be offensive to ask anyone in the community why they didn't have kids.

I'm highly pregnant and going to meet an elderly'ish client out of the community who never had kids.

Just trying to understand if it would cause offense to discuss if this came up?

Is this a woman or a man you are thinking of asking?
Its a client, so presumably a professional relationship?
I can see no place for such a question with either sex in a 'client' context, unless it's v relevant to the situation, but I can't think of one off the top if my head.

Highly insensitive and obtrusive.

I wouldn’t ever ask why someone has 1, 2, 3, 4 or 12 kids either.

Not my business 🤷🏻‍♀️

Of course you shouldn’t ask. If they bring it up, fine.

I don't have kids and while I don't mind talking about, I would find it intrusive to be asked directly. One of my siblings doesn't and one of mine does and I have never discussed with either as to why or why not.

Yes never ask that question usually if they want to talk about it they will bring it up themselves. A question like to to someone who couldn't have children would be extremely hurtful not to mention it's none of your business.

IMO it's hugely intrusive and rude to ask someone why they don't have children. It's in the list of things you should never ask people along with 'how much do you earn' and 'who do you vote for'.

I don't understand why you need to ask someone you're meeting in a professional capacity such a personal question. Is it really the only thing you can think of to talk about?

Extremely rude and potentially very upsetting for the person you are asking. None of your business. Don't ever ask this question to anyone.

Can you cope with the answer?

Can you cope when she starts crying?
Can you cope with stories of miscarriages, still births, infertility?

Possibly. It could cause upset if it was something that was actually wanted too.

I think I'd turn it around (I am someone who has had kids btw) and think to myself, how would I feel/answer if someone asked me why I chose to have children. I would feel like they were probing and didn't agree with decision for some reason!

Yes, rude to ask. I'd have to reply with something like "Well I was in prison for 40 years for homicide so the chances were on the slim side" and then suck my teeth like Hannibal Lector at you.

It's none of OP's business. The reason could equally be, just didn't want children.

I'm amazed that the OP would consider asking such a nosey, intrusive question.

It's not just that situations. Why should someone who simply didn't want children have to explain why they didn't want children?

Basically. It really isn't, and it massively annoying to be asked. Just don't.

Yes! I just didn’t want them and am happy not having them. Stop asking women about their reproductive choices.

It's very offensive to ask.
If they bring it up then it would be different, though I'm struggling to see why they would.

It is highly subjective. I would never ask a woman of child bearing age why she doesn't have kids as it could be an extremely emotive, painful topic.

I say this as someone who doesn't have kids, not by choice. At a certain time in my life I would have found that question very painful and difficult to answer.

Now, in my fifties - if someone asked me why I don't have kids it wouldn't offend or upset me. The pain of it has passed. I honestly don't think a lot of women who are well past child bearing age who don't have kids would be offended by the question, it would depend who asks, the context etc. I personally wouldn't directly ask that question though.

We’ve recently had to speak to the home care company that provide DH’s Aunt’s carers about this exact issue. So many of them felt it was ok to outright ask her “how come you didn’t have children?” when she was talking about her (very many) nieces and nephews.

One pushed to the point she felt she had to tell him that when she was pregnant at 22 her abusive husband beat her so badly that not only did she lose the baby she was carrying but her emergency surgery to save her life meant it was never going to happen for her.

The cheek of that one is that he requested not to come back as he felt she was unnecessarily rude to him!

Don’t ask the question. If someone wants or needs you to know they’ll tell you.

It's rude and unnecessary to ask. It implies that having children is the default, correct thing to do and there must be an explanation as to why someone doesn't have them. Even if the person wanted children but it's never happened for them for whatever reason, it's not something that you ask about. If they volunteer it, that's different, but even then, it's best to not ask more than they volunteer.

Also I am 50, but I suppose I could just about pass for child bearing age, but not possible now as I’m menopause!

you never really know how old someone is!

I would never ever ask. Generally speaking I think people who chose to not have children tend to tell you, if you are talking about babies and parenthood etc. I would presume from someone's silence that it not something to be brought up. Asking a 'why' question about life choices is rude anyway and difficult to answer.

@ARichtGoodDram that's a horrible story, the poor woman. You just never know do you

It's nosey/intrusive but I wouldn't say offensive.

You can ask if someone has children, assuming you don't know, and they can choose how to answer.

If you know full well they haven't got them then why do you want to ask? Does it matter? It's one of two things - they didn't want them or couldn't have them.

Three things. They might have had children who died, like a pp.

It’s just not a necessary question.