What time does your 13 year old have to be in

[whatsthequestion39]

Dd has only recently started going out with friends after school, usually just to McDonald's or the shops or round at friends. She is 13. What time is reasonable for her to be home. She is my eldest so I've no idea about these things

The latest my 13 y old out and about is 8.15/8.30 pm . She seems ok with that so far .

8, but I have to know where he is.

The 'type' of people hanging around later changes as the evening goes on. He's not allowed to 'hang around', but can go somewhere specific.

Thank you. I've said 7:30 and she seemed happy with that but just wanted to make sure I wasn't being unreasonable

I expect them to come home from school unless a pre arranged specific activity then be at home for dinner.

Don't they have homework/clubs?

I wouldn't let them aimlessly be hanging around at randoms houses!

She could be being groomed!

She comes home from school and has tea, does homework and then tends to walk
To the supermarket with friends or go round to their house

She could be sexually active/ being groomed.

Are their parents there supervising that you know well?

Jesus Christ that escalated quickly.

Mcdonalds or shops - never in the evening, ok during the day at weekends.

Friends house - do you know the family? Any time, if they are being picked up or driven home. If in the same street, 9 ish, I guess?

But 7.30 is fine, if it works for you

If I don't know the family, then I would get to know them. A 13 year old does not go into a strangers house.

She is definetely not sexually active or being groomed

I'm with the no hanging around camp. Straight home from school, activity then homework and dinner together. By the time that's done it's usually 9 pm and showers are needed then bedtime.
Hanging around aimlessly is a recipe for trouble

I was surprised by how sensible the first few answers were given it’s mn
Ours are allowed out til 8 as long as they let us know in advance where they’re going and let us know if plans change while they’re out.

We don't actually have a set time.
She goes to the gym after school some nights and plays football others. Doesn't really just hang out though. Sometimes goes to local town on the way home with friends and they might get some chips for tea but she usually home at a reasonable time.

We live rurally and it's just struck me that my dc don't go out in the evening really. DD is 17 and DS, 12 and I've genuinely never thought about it. They're at home and if they go anywhere, they're reliant on me for a lift so it's all pre-arranged.

It's weird. I've never even thought about it.

I think groomed is a bit of a leap but otherwise I agree. I wouldn’t have Ds just aimlessly wandering about / hanging out.

Yeah that’s our situation too. Ds has friends he chats to online on his Xbox and does football clubs etc I take him to.

I think groomed is a bit of a leap but otherwise I agree. I wouldn’t have Ds just aimlessly wandering about / hanging out.

This.

But I also thinking "hanging about" is defined differently by people.

At that age we went to the local park and fields which many would describe as hanging about.

But it was an area with a huge outside space is the centre of our houses so it was the most obvious place to meet!

Usually between 6.30 and 7.30pm that age between homework/dinner and shower/bed.

But only during times it was light.

Otherwise we'd all go to someone's house during that time.

I will add that we played football and tennis or rounders in the fields so weren't aimlessly hanging around!

At 13 I expected my kids to be back from friends' houses by 7 on weeknights or 9 at weekends (assuming I knew the friend and had met their parents). I collected them after dark and after 7 at weekends. Hanging around in town was for weekends during the day.

This is a really good age to set up habits for the coming years. They had to tell me where they were, who they were with and the plan/ETA for getting home. I was quite strict about the rules and they stuck with it.

It's really worth getting to know their friends and making your house the one where friends are always welcome.

And this is why we have raised MH crises.

Teens have a scientific identified developmentally appropriate need to be with peers. It is age appropriate for them to have unsupervised interactions.

My goodness myself and my friends have such happy memories of walking and chatting hanging out in the park listening to music, discussing how we would sort the environment out, putting the world to rights we weren't out beating up grannies.

My 16 year old hangs with his friends, same gang help kids learn skating skills at skate park. They do park run, monthly litter pick, help with community garden etc. 🤔 because they're not viewed negatively in the community when they are hanging out.

I wouldn't allow this at all.

This was how we worked it to.
Mine never had a set time, or a 'curfew', but they went to specific places.
Football training, to a friend's, Scouts, climbing, drama rehearsals, swimming, or whatever.

Agreed. On school night, only pre-arranged activities. On the odd occasion she has asked to go into town after school with a friend she is home by 6 at latest.

At weekends, we still expect to know what she’s up to, she doesn’t just ‘go out’. It is always to a named house, or to the beach with named friends, or cinema etc. She’s very busy with her sport so doesn’t get loads of kicking around time.

Oh and the gym a few times, she knows that she has to be on the bus by 6 otherwise her bus pass doesn’t work.

How do people navigate needing to ‘know the family’ first before their child is allowed to visit the house, especially as teenagers get older?