What time does your 13 year old have to be in

[whatsthequestion39]

Dd has only recently started going out with friends after school, usually just to McDonald's or the shops or round at friends. She is 13. What time is reasonable for her to be home. She is my eldest so I've no idea about these things

about 8.30. She often walks home via the park, via a friends house, via the shop, Mcdonald's etc. I sent her siblings to an out of catchment school so they couldn't do that. Her mental health is brilliant, much happier than her sisters and I believe the ability to socialise with friends she lives near after school is a huge part of that. Similar to why I did at her age. No grooming, sexual or criminal activity involved.

I live in a capital city of a European country not candyland. Less than five km from what is used as an example in international universities of how not to build estates that create inter generational social issues.

I am sure there is somewhere within public transport reach for your children to gain independence. What is the plan at 18 they have full freedom and no experience of building to that? How do you think that will go?

If you are in a high crime rate area the chance are there are community supportive activities on the outskirts of your area trying to keep it from spreading

It might be worthwhile exploring what if any of the groups are accessible by your children.

I am in mo bubble thank you very much.

Agreed! We used to play out on the streets in primary school, were in and out of each other's houses and gardens (in the 90s/00s so not a million years ago).

I live in a pretty dire area but at some point you have to let teens out on their own. Teach them to be streetwise.

Interesting. For those that completely micromanage their teens, what age will you relax a bit?

100% this.
I feel sorry for the poor kids that are home all the time and have to live under such strict rules. They will leave the nest without a clue about how real life works, and will be at such a disadvantage to their peers.

Even more reason for them to get clued up, you can't keep them in a, bubble all their life, as soon as they reach the age that they are expected to be independent they'll be clueless and ripe for the picking.

But what happens when they're old enough to do what they want and have absolutely no experience or street sense because you've coddled them all their lives?

The people saying they don't let teens of 14 or 15 do this, whe will you allow some independence?

Jesus wept! I spent literally every single night of the week 'hanging around' (small town, nothing to do) as a teenager and never got groomed or saw grooming activity taking place.

@BusterGonad

My teen gets interaction with his peers on the out of school activities he does. Piano, cadets and sports activities allow him interaction with friends

@fieldsofbutterflies

He's beyond streetwise. He knows to run not confront and how to walk in certain areas without attracting attention.

It fascinates me what bubbles some of you live in. Maybe in the lovely little villages you live in you can allow your teenagers to hang around but in inner city Manchester, responsible parents do not let their kids hang around.

As for the idiot who proudly spent her summer smoking weed on the park, you're exactly what I hope my kids don't encounter

My daughter sometimes goes to our local shopping centre with her friends after school as it's on the way home, she will let me know if she is doing this. Dinner is at 6pm so I expect her home for that. If she is having dinner at a friend's that is pre arranged and home time is 9pm on a school night.

Weekends are a case by case basis! She had a party recently and was getting a lift home and wasn't back til 11pm. I knew the parents hosting the party, and the dad who ran her home.

We are often the hosting house and I like her friends gone by 10pm at the absolute latest. DH is more generous when I'm not here 😁

As I said, I live in a pretty crap area and I disagree with you.

So many assumptions in such a short space of time 🙄

Again, what happens when he's sixteen and he can just ignore you completely?

We're not talking about supervised interaction at an organised activity though - when does he get the chance to just be a teenager?

The person who smoked weed was agreeing with you.

I don't think we ever gave a curfew, as such, but we always expected them to be home for tea unless Something Was Happening. Usually we'd do an activity afterwards (except on Fridays, which was our family TV night) so no time for hanging out.

S1's about to take up a job as a teacher, S2 is looking for paralegal posts. They both appear to have reasonably decent social lives (partly based around hobbies, though not entirely).

My teenage years similarly had less hanging out than many of my peers, which I occasionally regretted but not massively. There was plenty of down time on orchestra courses, and I'm suspected ND so things would have been slightly different anyway.

Thinking about it, I used to walk home from choir practice (7 minutes) at just after 8pm at that age. While my younger sister was still at primary school my mum walked up to meet us.

My instinctive response is that 7:30 seems reasonable. During the winter months I'd be expecting them to be somewhere inside after dark (friend's house or McD's rather than the field) but while it's light I'm more of a "don't jump in the river and don't take sweeties from strangers" parent. In fact I occasionally said that, when they meandered into town on a Saturday afternoon Yes, they rolled their eyes at me.

On the other hand, I once texted S2 to ask him to check in to Life360 because it had got stuck . He humoured me.

8:30pm if she's out and I have to know where she's going but she's always just rang me anyway to tell me if she's going from one place to another. 9:00 on a Friday & Saturday but only at a friends house or in the area of our house. She rarely goes out so I'm grateful for that. It's earlier in the winter 8:00 in the week and weekends.

Oh don't be so precious! Read The Anxious Generation... it's precisely this sort of parenting that is feeding the mental health crisis in our young people!