What time does your 13 year old have to be in

[whatsthequestion39]

Dd has only recently started going out with friends after school, usually just to McDonald's or the shops or round at friends. She is 13. What time is reasonable for her to be home. She is my eldest so I've no idea about these things

What age would you allow it? Surely wanting to hang out with friends and visit places like McDonald’s with their friendship group is very standard teen stuff?

For goodness sake behave yourself. She's a kid hanging out with her mates just like most 13 year olds do.

Never, maybe it's cultural as that's just not a thing for me.

At that age I had to be home by about half seven. I'd go down the road and hang out at the park or to the corner shop or chippy.

Mumsnet is full of paranoid, crazy people that are doing their kids no favours. How the fuck do you make the leap from a teen hanging out with her mates to automatically being groomed. It's no wonder we have feckless young adults who cant function in life and go from one mental health crisis to the next if this is how they are being brought up.

Winter and Summer different for us.

Both 13 & 15yr olds have the same rules.

During winter, they have to be back by 5.30/6pm ish for Dinner if they are just hanging out in town, a bit later if they're somewhere specific.

In Summer, they're usually at the beach or skatepark until 8.30/9pm ish.

They don't get homework so that's a non issue but they do music lessons and cadets which takes up 3 evenings a week so they don't go out those days.

When I started secondary school at 12 I was not supervised after school. My Father was abroad and my mother was never home before 5.30pm. I finished school at 2.30pm.

3 hours of doing whatever we wanted so we (kids with similarly lax parents) were smoking cigarettes and later weed in the park.

Luckily for me I am able to pick my children up from school. They then do planned activities, music practice or homework. We also live very rurally so no chance of going out without a lift.

I grew out or the 'hanging around' phase but my brother went for harder and harder drugs. He is now so damaged he will have to live with out parents for the rest of their life, then with me.

So, my children will not be 'hanging around' until they are old enough that I believe they are emotionally mature enough to make sensible decisions.

Yes I’m quite surprised at some of these replies- they pretty much describe what my seven-year-old is allowed to do (eg straight home after school, only socialising is scheduled/organised clubs and activities or a pre-arranged play date with known friend) seems quite extreme to have no movement on from this for a teenager. And I’m not sure if it’s particularly healthy.

It is very unhealthy. Teenagers should be able to hang out with their peers. I mean when do these kids actually get any freedom to explore who they are and what they like when they have helicopter parents hovering over them constantly.

mine is 15
Monday to Thursday home after school

Fri/Sat home by 6 unless something organised with contact with other parents with a pick up…so party etc

there is no hanging around at McDonald’s or anywhere after this time…there will is a vibe change the later it gets

There is a big difference between being at a friends house in the evening and hanging out somewhere I imagine is urban with a Mac Donald’s in the evening

I think it's important to know as many of the friendship group parents as possible as early as possible. So going to school events, sports, hobbies and chatting to other parents, making an effort to have other kids over, sharing lifts etc.

Also really important to be supportive of friendships. Through getting to know the friends you usually end up getting to know the families. Friends were always welcome at our place, partly for that reason.

I had no problem saying no where necessary but tried to compensate by being encouraging of friendships and situations that were positive.

Edited to add that parents of new friends were usually happy for an opportunity to check that we weren't axe murderers too. Even if that was just chatting in the car park when we dropped kids in town.

Sexualy active or being groomed? 😮

At 13 my boys were out climbing trees and kicking a ball around. Is life really that different for girls? That's terrifying.

15 yrs old and home by 6pm on a Fri or Sat unless for a party?! Contact with the other parents?! Blimey.

Can they not just hang out at mates? A crowd of them? Make a last minute decision to go to the movies? Head to the local Maccy D’s l? Meet their mates down the park in the summer? God, we had the BEST times doing these things at 15. The boys I kissed!

No, it really isn't. This place is just full of crazy people that see danger in everything.

Mine it is currently 9pm as it’s school holidays, but if it was at their friends just round the corner ot would be ten as we know the parents well.

it was during therm time it depends on the light, with it getting earlier as the nights get darker.

They have loads of sport during the week so I’m happy for them to have down time with their mates as they can pop in and out all day.

Contact with the other parents?! Blimey.

This. In my experience once they go to secondary school contact amongst parents is no longer the done thing. They generally sort it out amongst themselves if a parent is offering a lift.

It's crazy isn't it. Was not expecting some of the replies I got

8pm here, but I have a very good idea of where/who he is with.

@Marblessolveeverything

Davina69
I'm with the no hanging around camp. Straight home from school, activity then homework and dinner together. By the time that's done it's usually 9 pm and showers are needed then bedtime.
Hanging around aimlessly is a recipe for trouble

And this is why we have raised MH crises.

Teens have a scientific identified developmentally appropriate need to be with peers. It is age appropriate for them to have unsupervised interactions.

My goodness myself and my friends have such happy memories of walking and chatting hanging out in the park listening to music, discussing how we would sort the environment out, putting the world to rights we weren't out beating up grannies.

My 16 year old hangs with his friends, same gang help kids learn skating skills at skate park. They do park run, monthly litter pick, help with community garden etc. 🤔 because they're not viewed negatively in the community when they are hanging out.

Exactly this 👏🏻 I thought it was the norm to want to go out and see friends. Best years of my life and also learnt a lot from it

This. 100%.

You are quite right and tbh it should be much younger. I find it so depressing that it's rare to see children playing out any more. I live in a village and never see kids playing out. I don't think we are doing our children any favours at all by keeping them constantly supervised.

Boundaries are important but they need to be gradually adjusted as time goes on- treating teenagers like primary school children isn’t going to do them any favours.

Lots of these teens will go to uni at 18 and be living completely independent of adult supervision, possibly in a big city miles away from home. I think it’s important to try and instil independence before this point.

@Marblessolveeverything

You know nothing about the area we live in or how young teenagers are recruited for involvement with county lines, sexual grooming and organised crime in the city we live in. So keep your misguided ideas to yourself and maybe come out of your precious little bubble once in a while. Not everyone lives in an area where it's safe to allow their children out on their own

I find it really depressing that so many teenagers aren't allowed free time with their mates after school.

I have such fond memories of that as a teen - and even a pre-teen.

Kids around here all hang out at the park or round the shops from about nine and it's honestly really refreshing to see.