Feeling lost - DC are teens and don’t want me

[Ladywinesalot]

I’m mid 40’s and feeling a little lost.
my DC are teens and don’t need me apart from cooking/cleaning and being taxi service.

Im coming back from work with not much to do and feeling empty.

I go to the gym before work and I don’t want to do lots of drinking socials.

what’s everyone else do with their time?

Well tonight I'm doing my taxes and filing paperwork. Does that help? 😂

Funnily enough no…

Oh my goodnesss, the world is your oyster! What do you enjoy?

I sing in two choirs, go running in these light summer evenings, have friends round and sit in the garden drinking wine , play badminton, volunteer, go to an art group.

Friends do dance classes , play in a band/ orchestra , are in wine clubs and book groups, go to the theatre, do pottery, fitness classes.

FWIW they do still need you- they just don't like to be reminded of it. My experience with teens is that they don't necessarily want to share things with you when you want or expect but then suddenly will do when you're not expecting it (eg when you're in the middle of drying your hair or parallel parking or something 😂). There is a lot to be said for just being around and keeping communication channels open.

How about a local class- is there anything you wish you could do? Book club? Cinema trip- could set up a group of friends to go regularly? I also like doing yoga in the evenings before bed.

Same. One has left home and the younger has a girlfriend who doesn't live locally so am gradually alone more. I rescued a lovely elderly cat last year and she had been keeping me company (she was a lovely lap cat). She died last week sadly, so I'm back to feeling lonely. I read and have a partner who lives 2 hours away so only see him every 3 weeks, really. It all seems to happen so fast. Friends just don’t seem to keep in touch or want to meet. I miss the school run and my children being here.

I started a PhD and took up visual arts again after a twenty year pause.

There's loads you can do, but I think maybe your thread title is a blue to your real issue. They're not rejecting you; It's a normal developmental stage. We have to separate from our parents and find our own identity. You're there as a safety net so they can do it safely. It's still valuable.

If you can come to terms with that, you'll feel less bereft.

I actually like a lot and have lots of interests, I’m quite sociable.

but I’m a few of my friends are divorcing so are interested in meeting men when we do out and I don’t want to be in that scene.

I love a drink but don’t want that to be my main personality trait! (‘Scuse the name)

I like the idea of badminton though! Maybe group sports for the eve.

Just finding it a funny time of life.
DC sort of need me around but don’t.
Its like I get to explore my independence again and I wasn’t really thinking that would happen until they all left home.

I go to the gym before work and I don’t want to do lots of drinking socials.

Other pastimes are available! What did you enjoy doing before you had children? Mine is only 12, but I like hillwalking and climbing, going to the opera (was away at an opera festival a couple of weeks back), film (there's a local cine club that meets weekly for arthouse films, wine and discussion), theatre, art exhibitions (am going to an opening tomorrow night), I'm a member of two different book groups and a writers' group. I do some ecovolunteering. I used to sing with a choir, and should look for another one. I also just see friends a lot. If I'm at home, I'm reading or gardening.

Friends do marathon/triathlon training, furniture restoration, sailing, windsurfing, sea swimming, drystonewalling, play in trad music sessions, coaching various sports, bellringing.

@VirginiaGirl Im sorry to hear about your cat. She must have brought you such joy ❤️

I took one dc out for pub tea this afternoon and thought we’d sit and gossip away but she wanted to leave as soon we’d eaten.

I feel quite rejected!

thing is I really do enjoy the company of my dc they are funny, smart and really entertaining!
I like my friends but I love being comfortable with my dc

This! How boring do you have to be to not be able to think of a single thing you want to do with no young kids tying you down? I’m currently trying to wake dc3 up as he’s been having these monster naps after school, I thought he was watching telly, not asleep the whole time. My evening tonight is going to be a fucking nightmare. If I could do anything I wanted right now, I’d go into town and take a walk down the docks with the dogs and watch the sunset. I’d pop in to see a friend on the way back, she moved house 3 months ago and I’ve still not been to visit and it’s only a couple of miles away. We might even have a wine. With the kids out of the way, tonight I’d have the remote for once and put on one of the 2 dozen or so films I want to watch, and actually get out the crochet kit or contact ball I bought months ago and haven’t even learnt how to use. And I would go to bed with a book that I wasn’t too exhausted to read. And all this is pretty boring stuff, still stuff I’d really appreciate with a single evening not pandering to children!

@Liripipe before dc I drank and partied!
I’ve also done this after dc 😂

I had a big midweek night out with a friend 2 weeks ago and I just don’t want to do much of that anymore.

I run, I go to the gym, I read, I cook, my job is very creative so that part is fulfilled for me.
Book clubs and discussions wouldn’t work for me as I only like to read what I like and o would be a stubborn arse if I have a view point.

I like the idea of taking up a new sport though…

How rude are you to call me boring?!!

it’s not that I can’t think of anything to do, I’m finding the life change a little surprising.

Good for you for showing off with all the things you used to do.
get over yourself 🙄

Book club, crocheting, allotment, various classes at the gym, dance classes, I'm a school governor, I volunteer ad hoc locally (litter picking, work on a nature reserve locally), pub quizzes, out with friends (generally breakfast/lunch/coffee not boozy nights out), cinema, theatre. Just started Nordic walking too.

I don't think OP sounds boring at all!! Am nearly in that space but not yet. Eldest 14 and younger nearly 10 but there was a sudden point on a weekend when I realised, bar meals and clean clothes, they're not really bothering me. I have been starting to plan what I'll do with all this lovely time that's coming to me. So many books to read and so much gardening and walks. I can't wait. I probably will need more, pondering a course of some kind maybe.

Sorry about your cat. It’s absolutely horrible when it happens.

I have the same feelings as you, a bit lost.

@Ladywinesalot

Mine are 12 and 14 they don't want to go anywhere with me. I feel so sad too op.

Not very nice.. I don’t think OP sounds boring at all. You missed the point.

I'm feeling this too. My DD starts secondary in Sept. Is far more independent of me and I realised the other night sits in her room a lot more. As I'm separated she spends half the week with her dad too.

I get that lonely feeling, I'm also unsure what to do with it just yet.

Yes, their just not bothering me as much and I miss them!
Partly due to age and partly their on their bloody phones.

Think I’m going to make a list of fun things I can do (prob sports) and relish my new found freedom!

What’s Nordic walking?

No op isn't boring. Its just a sea change, one minute the kids take up all your time...then they don't and you have so much time to fill..

If course there's things we all do to fill the time but its the times there's nothing to do and your kids don't need you and its a bit lonely...you find yourself missing the busy younger days when you hadn't time to think...

Get a dog.

You can read, play video games, build lego, pick up a fiber based hobby like crochet, learn to play an instrument, study a language, etc.

You can also look for a hobby that will interest your teens. My teen and I spend a bunch of time together making cosplay costumes.

Me and DH actually said that this morning.
we used to have one and know the responsibility needed so won’t just jump to get one.
But I would love a big fluffy puppy to follow me around

@Ponderingwindow a hobby to share with teen sounds good.
I’ll be taking them walking in the peaks over summer anyway but one of them has expressed interest in sewing and I have a machine.
summer project incoming!