Neurodivergent & working full time with DC…

[neurospicymumma]

I’ve always thought I’m autistic but never got as far as actually asking the GP to refer me. The more I learn about ADHD the more that resonates too. I understand it’s common to have the two together.

I have worked full time since uni but it’s not always been easy and I find on busier work weeks I feel easily overwhelmed if I’m not careful. I suppose I just found I would tire faster and it’s tricky then when the procrastination / executive dysfunction comes in. I have a very flexible and understanding manager/team currently which helps. DH and family supportive too.

Considering my options for returning to work after maternity leave. I’d love to stay at home every day with our beautiful girl but financially that won’t be practical for us, or it would be but it would make finances tight and would give us less freedom to do nice things as a family. I also think it’s important my daughter sees me working too, and I don’t underestimate the value of having purpose through keeping up with my career.

That said, I have no idea how I’ll juggle it and be a mum without feeling utterly worn out. Planning on going back 4 days but I’m not sure if that’s ambitious? Me being stress-free, present and calm is preferable to extra money at the end of the day.

If you’re neurodivergent and work, how many hours do you do & would full time be too much for you?

Thank you.

You haven't got a diagnosis though

and also those that do still have to work to pay the bills

harsh but true sorry

Wasn’t what I asked!

I am autistic, and have two DC, both of whom are also neurodivergent. I am a single parent and work full time, which is essential due to finances. I find it really hard, but I get by, just about. I do feel like I am permanently on the edge of burn out, though. I think that only you know what you can realistically manage, and how many options you have. A supportive DH sounds like a good starting point - have you discussed your thoughts with him?

I think I’m autistic (not diagnosed, though my son has been and there’s often a genetic link). I work full time and have two young kids, though coparent with my ex. I find working full time ok, mostly because I work from home and don’t have many meetings. I found it much harder when I used to work in an office:

Given that it doesn't really affect your life until now. Realistically it's mind over matter. You somehow just have to find the will power and go. Be extra organised. Could you not do 3 days?
My family suspect I am somewhat ND (much to my denial) but I know anything more than 3 days I could not do. Time to myself is important to regenerate. Theres not much else you can do

You asked if someone were neurodivergent would full time hours be too much

I'm autistic, with ADHD and I held down a full time job working the opposite shifts to DH for years when the kids were nursery/primary age. I'm nearly 50 now and haven't even managed a part time job for over 5 years, there is no way I would be able to work now. I almost broke myself.

I have an autism diagnosis and a twenty three months old. I work three and a half days a week
It's a juggle, especially with the housework and sometimes overwhelming.

I think working with a young baby/toddler is exhausting in general and overwhelming for many people because it feels like you’re juggling so many plates. Maybe give it a try and see how it goes

If you have a neurotypical baby then you might be able to cope with working and parenting. But autism is known to be hereditary, so I’d prepare yourself for the possibility of having a baby with autism, which is a lot more difficult to cope with. I don’t think you’ll be able to cope with an autistic baby and working full time. My baby was autistic, I quit work and I could still just barely cope with the baby, never mind anything else.

I’ve dyslexia and am on a waiting list for an ADHD assessment. I originally went back to work after mat leave on 30 hours with one day off for childcare. I gave 36 hours a go after about a year for financial reasons and it was far too much. Im doing 34 at the moment and it feels manageable. Only an extra hour per day and able to work a little earlier/later if needed to make time back. It can sometimes feel a struggle. I’m trying to read up on ADHD as much as possible to put strategies in place to make things more manageable.

It's really not mind over matter!!!

Mind over matter

Ableist crap. Didn't take long.

I suspect I am autistic but I don’t have a diagnosis. I don’t work in a very social job however. It’s mainly at the computer and not needing to talk to people. I work full time and have done so. I have two DC and it has been fine. I suspect how suitable your job is makes a big difference. My work is infamous for attracting people on the spectrum.

Officially autistic and have ADHD. One thing to consider is the well-being of your child.

My 4yo is obviously autistic and has ADHD.She rarely has overwhelming displays of emotion (aka meltdowns) because I’ve always put her needs first and significantly reduced my working week to ensure she doesn’t have to do long days in high sensory environments.

I dropped from working four full days to freelance so I have the flex to make sure we use childcare sparingly.

Yes this is another consideration. Even if I could have coped with working full time, my autistic DC could not have coped with spending full days in high sensory environments with other kids and strangers. I still don’t work full time for this reason. I could cope with it myself but DC couldn’t cope with being in childcare.

Please can I ask what area you work in?

I've fallen into a job where I have to be 'on' delivering sessions and networking. It drains me so much I struggle to be as present and positive as I could be for my children. It's really getting to me.

hi op just sharing my story. Everything was OK when my job was less demanding but as I've gotten more senior and the social demands have ramped up I find myself struggling to cope. Currently undergoing the diagnostic process for ADHD/autism. Even as a child I was really good at buckling down and getting work done but couldn't juggle it with other things especially if it involved prolonged socializing.

The good thing about my job is that it pays enough for us to be financially comfortable if I hang in there for a couple of years. And I'm mindful that any children might be ND too (my husband is also autistic). If all goes well after mat leave I plan to return 3 days a week, failing that quit and find a new career. Or return to the more junior role that I actually enjoyed doing! Obviously all pie in the sky as it's a few years away yet.

But I think the key is to understanding your weaknesses. I have always hyperfocused - excelled in ONE thing as long as my food and other daily needs were taken care off. I absolutely cannot juggle. My husband is supportive and does almost everything around the house, otherwise I wouldn't even consider it.

I think 3 days a week is best to start with. 4 days - you just end up cramming 5 days of work into 4. It may be a good idea if that's your preferred working pattern anyway, otherwise not.

I'm diagnosed ADHD, single parent to a daughter diagnosed with autism. I work full time and always have because I have no choice. My job is high pressured and stressful and I work long hours. ADHD meds help a bit but I'm constantly on the edge of burnout. My house is a tip and chaos but if I don't work full time I can't pay the bills. So no choice really!

I found 30 hours a week manageable. Full time was a disaster. My favourite working pattern was 9:30am to 3pm Monday-Friday. If I could have afforded to do it Monday-Thursday I would have.

It's not mind over matter. If I get to the point of burnout I lose the ability to think entirely. My mind just goes fully blank and I can't line up my thoughts enough to start or complete even simple tasks. I also stop sleeping more than a couple of hours a night. It's not as simple as pull yourself together, there's no self let to pull together. Burnout is really best avoided in the first place and OP is being sensible to consider it now.

I do compressed hours and work hybrid. Two days in the office, two from home. My kids are at school now though, although the oldest who has ASD struggles to go in.
Unfortunately my house isn't as nice as I would like it to be, but you have to pick your battles.

Autistic/ADHD here.

I am working full time and doing my master's. 3 kids, all ND in some way. Son is PDA. Single parent.

I cope because I love my work.

I also have a cleaner 2x hours a week.

It really depends on the individual as we are all different what we can manage and how. Yes some people have ‘no choice’ but doesn’t mean it’s right or the only way.

I’m autistic and have ADHD (plus a variety of other health conditions) and it was only once my children started showing signs of neurodivergence and the additional impact and stress that entailed that I dropped my hours significantly. I now work 9-2:30 four days a week.

Every autistic parent I know has always worked.