Neurodivergent & working full time with DC…

[neurospicymumma]

I’ve always thought I’m autistic but never got as far as actually asking the GP to refer me. The more I learn about ADHD the more that resonates too. I understand it’s common to have the two together.

I have worked full time since uni but it’s not always been easy and I find on busier work weeks I feel easily overwhelmed if I’m not careful. I suppose I just found I would tire faster and it’s tricky then when the procrastination / executive dysfunction comes in. I have a very flexible and understanding manager/team currently which helps. DH and family supportive too.

Considering my options for returning to work after maternity leave. I’d love to stay at home every day with our beautiful girl but financially that won’t be practical for us, or it would be but it would make finances tight and would give us less freedom to do nice things as a family. I also think it’s important my daughter sees me working too, and I don’t underestimate the value of having purpose through keeping up with my career.

That said, I have no idea how I’ll juggle it and be a mum without feeling utterly worn out. Planning on going back 4 days but I’m not sure if that’s ambitious? Me being stress-free, present and calm is preferable to extra money at the end of the day.

If you’re neurodivergent and work, how many hours do you do & would full time be too much for you?

Thank you.

She knows that, it's stated in the op. What's your point and how does it relate to the OP's question?

Not diagnoses and can't be sure but have long suspected I'm adhd. After welcoming my daughter and seeing her grow and develop and things going on with her, also query if autism could be in there somewhere. Have a niece diagnosed and brother going through diagnosis so not impossible.

I do 4 days 9 - 3. I also do all the housework, cooking and child raring. Sometimes it's fine. Sometimes I feel like I need a long break from work to keep on top of everything.

I do think I get the paralysis part A lot when the house starts to get untidy which is what i find really really difficult. But once that passes and I get on top of things I feel better.

I agree. There is a very long wait list for diagnosis and most people in the autistic community accept this. Surely the op wouldn’t create this post and have this concern if she was just ‘making it up’.

If the OP does go to her GP and ask for a referral, round here it’s 3-5 years to wait to be seen and that’s pretty normal for adults in the NHS, I believe. And they will lose your referral almost as a matter of course and you will have to advocate hard just to be put on and stay on that incredibly long waiting list, and self advocacy is something else that ND people often find difficult or impossible.

There are plenty of autistic people who simply can’t access a formal diagnosis, at least for a long time if not forever. They’re still struggling. I wasn’t not autistic the day before I received my diagnosis at 45 and then autistic the day after.

And yes, the ableism from some posters is sickening.

In the fifteen years I've been on mumsnet, this is the first post that has truly sickened me.

There's offensive stuff all the time, but the insidious superiority feeding off ignorance - and taking pride in it at someone else's expense has revolted me. I don't say that lightly. Glassofice - you are the problem.

I am at least heartened by the fact so many people recognise the ableism.

Because she asked the neurodivergent population if they could work full time or if it would be too much?

" mind over matter " always makes me laugh in despair.

Do you know my mind? Let me tell you a little bit about it.

My autistic mind picks up anywhere up to about 40% more information than a NT person's does, my ADHD means my short term memory issues and executive function problems leads to a constant ( not even close to exaggeration) 99% of my day I have a running list that repeats and grows when something physically or mentally enters my space.

My mind is always busy, I have to trick myself to get to sleep and that doesn't even work well most of the time.

So I have more information going in than you but not the hardware to facilitate it very well.

Plus all the sensory issues, dealing with NT peoples awful communication styles and a lifetime of trying to change how I view myself as not a stupid person like I've been told due to being undiagnosed until my late 30s because I was high masking, plus the effort of masking....

I could go on but that's the very tip of the iceberg.

So please don't repeat it's mind over matter again to a neurodivergent person ever again, ta!

Diagnosed through nhs work full time as I’d be outside in a cardbox box if not.

Posted too soon, apologies for typos. I am always close to cracking up but no choice but to get on with it, suppose it is the same for others who aren’t ND. No kids personally as I couldn’t handle them. Not working full time isn’t an option financially.

I’m autistic. I don’t work full-time, I’ve never coped with full-time anything even when I was at school, although I have tried periodically.

It’s not mind over matter and it’s yes it’s a struggle financially but for me it’s not a case of having no choice but to work full-time; I have no choice but to work part-time (and sometimes not at all). I just can’t manage.

I have 2 diagnosed DC and 2, undiagnosed but almost certainly autistic DC.
It has made me realise that in all probability me and DH are also undiagnosed autistic.

So we cope - sometimes barely!
However we found the transition to parenthood hard - DH in particular struggled with it.

I was a stay at home mum for a while, loved that I could spend time with DC and was my own boss. But being with DC 24/7 can be draining with no downtime.
For me my dream working pattern was 3 ( consecutive) days a week- (22 hours) That worked brilliantly for me, but everyone is different.
I am now doing 4 days a week following a promotion and am struggling to juggle everything - supporting my asc teens - who have a lot of appointments - with running the house and work.
So try and be realistic about you can do but also what your DC can cope with especially if they are also on the spectrum.
I would also say that if you work 4 days employers may not always reduce your workload by 20% so watch out for that too.

Yes consider what your children can cope with too. I've seen a great job I would love to apply for but it would mean putting DD in breakfast club and I know she wouldn't cope so I can't go for it unfortunately. DD is undiagnosed but issues have been raised at school and I'm almost certain it will come or if I pushed at my end she would receive a diagnosis. She is only 5 so right now, because of partners views, we are opting to wait and see.

I’d personally put her on the waiting list as it’s about 2 years near me. If she’s not autistic then she won’t get a diagnosis, so I wouldn’t worry about ‘wait and see’. I’m sure you know this, but being diagnosed or not won’t actually change her, just entitle her to much more support which is gold dust tbh.

I totally agree and this was my plan of action but dp has different views and whilst I could override him I understand his opinion and so we're kind of at a standstill until something more 'obvious' happens or we are advised by professionals to take it forward. Thanks for the advice though, appreciate it.

Fair enough! It’s a tricky one. I hope she is happy anyway and school are supportive, as that’s the main thing. In reality they should support her regardless of diagnosis.

I'll be honest I am inclined to agree with you.

I have a severe, incurable neurological disease. I work and parent because I don't have a choice and because I want to contribute to society. All the people in my support groups work and some are ND as well as having a progressive condition. A few are students retraining for new careers.

I do see posts on MN by posters where some clearly believe they have some right to never work again because they have autism. Thankfully they are in the minority but their voices are loud and they tarnish other autistic people by association.

If people have to work with cancer, Parkinsons and rheumatoid arthritis, why do some people with autism believe they are somehow exempt? Reduce hours or retrain in a new career but it is offensive to imply that autism (undiagnosed in this case) is a magical exemption from working.

Dual diagnosis Autism/ADHD
Doing a FT Masters
1 x child aged 4years old
Working full time
I'm knackered and it's purely the ADHD chaos and challenge/thrill seeking that's keeping me going. Actually holding off medication to try see my MA through

@BurnerName1

I have a severe, incurable neurological disease. I work and parent because I don't have a choice and because I want to contribute to society

I would argue that you do have a choice, as you are able to work. I no longer work, because I cannot work.

The 'contribution to society' bullshit too

I'm a lone parent of 2 DC, diagnosed autistic. I'm self employed and work 20- 25 hours a week. Things have got a lot more difficult since perimenopause began- I used to do all my designing, invoicing etc in the evenings, but I'm just too exhausted now.

I’m autistic and probably adhd too. I work 4 days a week with Wednesday off. I can’t work more than 2 days in a row and have to go to bed after work or I meltdown. But I work in a social job. It’d be easier for me if I say worked from home but I love my job. Everyone is different as demonstrated here.

Suspected ND here - AuDHD (runs in the family and my DC awaiting diagnosis but to me it’s v obvious that he will be diagnosed)
i work FT in a very demanding senior role in a stressful company. DC is wonderful and super intense- he is always on.
truthfully I am super burned out - have been on burn out leave 3 times in the past 2 years. Am on anti depressants and I’m barely coping. My husband has to pick up the pieces for everything in our lives quite a lot.
I think if my work was in a less crazy market period maybe it would be ok? But truthfully I’m pretty unhappy deep down, and have no idea how to change it. Yes… I think it’s all just too much.
i felt I didn’t have the option to give up work because I’m the major earner and I have big hang ups about never being reliant on a partner, but maybe a big life rethink is needed because there has to be more than this.