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Original poster

I’m at a coffee shop and….

104 replies

Bambiwithlonglegs · 29/06/2024 18:40

Waiting for a friend to turn up! I sit at a table and the whole coffee shop is empty. I order my hot chocolate and start drinking and then a woman walks in orders her drink and sits at my table!! I’m stunned. I actually didn’t know what to say!! Should I ask her to move or move myself ? I’m messaged mg friend saying some woman has sat at our table!! My friend turns up and I said to her I’ve messaged you and she looks at her phone and sees the text I sent to her saying some random woman has just sat at my table and she suggests we both move which we did!!
should I of asked the woman to move?

OP posts:
shearwater2 · 30/06/2024 05:41

"Sorry this seat is not available. And may I ask why you have chosen to sit here when many other tables are available?"

Learn to be assertive.

shearwater2 · 30/06/2024 05:48

I told a man off for leaning on me on the train - it was standing room only but there were only a few standing, and there was absolutely no need to be right next to me, shoulder to shoulder. I said "Do you mind giving me more personal space?" and he walked off down the train. Good.

Cocteautriplet · 30/06/2024 06:47

What was he demeanour like? Friendly or aggressive? Could she have been lonely and hoping for a chat? Or possibly Neurodivergent and not have picked up on the nuances of neurotypical behaviour. Not all disabilities are visible and it could be that she had autism but masked it well.

NotAgain1963 · 30/06/2024 17:31

I've had this happen a couple of times. I'm sitting in a practically empty coffee shop waiting for a friend and some stranger just plonks themselves down in the seat opposite at my table. I always says 'Sorry,there's going to be someone sitting there shortly'. Always works. I just don't get why people don't ask first!

tuvamoodyson · 30/06/2024 17:33

TwattyMcFuckFace · 29/06/2024 18:50

I can't believe you didn't just say, "Sorry, I'm waiting for my friend".

But this is Mumsnet where it seems 90% of posters are too 'shocked', 'stunned', 'gobsmacked' etc to utter a word to anyone 🤷‍♂️

Exactly! I’ve never known so many people to be ‘so shocked, I couldn’t say anything!’ over absolute trivia!

NotAgain1963 · 30/06/2024 17:40

There are a lot of people around who think that anyone sitting on their own, whether it's in a coffee shop,a cafe or on a bus,is desperate for company and someone to talk to. Nope! I'm happy with my own company and it annoys me intensely if someone tries to sit at my table, regardless of whether I'm actually waiting for someone. I have actually said to a few people that I'm waiting for a friend even if I'm not. They then move and sit watching to see if I'm telling the truth

RoseLavenderBlue · 30/06/2024 17:57

I was once at our local playground watching my DS play on the equipment, sat on one of the four benches inside the fenced bit. There was no one else there. Then a family arrived and the two parents came and sat on the bench next to me! Was really awkward. I got up and moved shortly after. So weird.

DullFanFiction · 30/06/2024 17:58

Cocteautriplet · 30/06/2024 06:47

What was he demeanour like? Friendly or aggressive? Could she have been lonely and hoping for a chat? Or possibly Neurodivergent and not have picked up on the nuances of neurotypical behaviour. Not all disabilities are visible and it could be that she had autism but masked it well.

Oh can we stop about the autism card please?

I have a dc and dh who are both on the sort run. I can promise you that neither of them would do that because they know it’s rude.
(Plus it would mean doing some small talk to someone they don’t know which they hate so they certainly wouldn’t willingly chose that anyway 😁)

FOJN · 30/06/2024 18:03

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 29/06/2024 18:56

Well I would not have said anything. I would have moved. Like most people would.

In the real world MOST people would not say (in an annoyed tone with a tilted head) 'hello may I help you?' or confront the woman and tell her to move the fuck away. What a crock. As if people would say/do that in real life! 😆

You'd all just move, or stay there, you wouldn't confront her, and ya know it!

Of course most people would have said something. "I'm waiting for a friend" isn't an aggressive invitation to a fight for goodness sake. Hogging a seat in a packed cafe is a different matter.

There are lots of things we're not prohibited from doing, such as sitting at the only occupied table in a cafe, but most of us have the social graces to observe convention.

MoonWoman69 · 30/06/2024 18:15

@Xtraincome I was going to post something similar!!!

"Finally, we meet in person. I am so sorry it's all gone pear shaped, nobody on the team knew what effect the experiments were going to have. And now there's 3 of them on the loose. If you lay low, they may not be able to track you. Your payment will be in your account in the next few days, Mr Nichodemus will see to that. This is where our association ends. Delete my number. Take care". Nod of the head, move tables, sorted! 😁

Ilovecleaning · 30/06/2024 18:41

Bloody weirdo ( the woman, not you, OP 🤣)

Ilovecleaning · 30/06/2024 18:42

Cocteautriplet · 30/06/2024 06:47

What was he demeanour like? Friendly or aggressive? Could she have been lonely and hoping for a chat? Or possibly Neurodivergent and not have picked up on the nuances of neurotypical behaviour. Not all disabilities are visible and it could be that she had autism but masked it well.

She sounds a complete PITA who doesn’t know about social boundaries.

Original poster
Bambiwithlonglegs · 30/06/2024 20:48

Tbh I would have said something (I usually do) but I think I was too shocked to say anything which is unlike me! 🙄
The table was for 4 but I just thought extremely odd to sit with me!
Also when I left the coffee shop to go back to a school I had just left as my son is starting there (induction day) the woman turned up and sat next to me bar one person 😂🤣😂🤣
I think she was not without sounding rude the full ticket or if I see her again a stalker
👀

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 20:56

Bambiwithlonglegs · 30/06/2024 20:48

Tbh I would have said something (I usually do) but I think I was too shocked to say anything which is unlike me! 🙄
The table was for 4 but I just thought extremely odd to sit with me!
Also when I left the coffee shop to go back to a school I had just left as my son is starting there (induction day) the woman turned up and sat next to me bar one person 😂🤣😂🤣
I think she was not without sounding rude the full ticket or if I see her again a stalker
👀

Sorry I dont get it. She followed you to the school and sat one seat away - what inside the school?

MeAgainAndAgain · 30/06/2024 21:02

So she’s a fellow school parent who recognised you? Is she hoping to start a friendship perhaps? Did she try to talk to you though?

queenmeadhbh · 30/06/2024 21:08

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 29/06/2024 18:56

Well I would not have said anything. I would have moved. Like most people would.

In the real world MOST people would not say (in an annoyed tone with a tilted head) 'hello may I help you?' or confront the woman and tell her to move the fuck away. What a crock. As if people would say/do that in real life! 😆

You'd all just move, or stay there, you wouldn't confront her, and ya know it!

What?! You seriously would just sit there or move? Surely the only normal thing to do is say “oh sorry, I’m actually waiting for a friend so would you mind sitting elsewhere?” That’s not confrontational, it’s just pointing out that you were keeping the seat for someone.

PianPianPiano · 30/06/2024 21:25

Haha, this is like when I was having lunch with a friend the other week - sat at an outside table, we both sit on the "shady side" as it's sunny out - friend then went in to order.

Two women arrive and start debating the menu and where they will sit and how one doesn't like to sit in the sun. One of them then gestures to my friends seat (that had her stuff on it/on the table - bag, keys etc) and tells her companion "you can sit there Judith, that's not in the sun" (not acknowledging me at all). So I pipe up and say "oh no, sorry, that seat's taken, my friend is just inside ordering, but you're very welcome to sit on the other side of the table if you'd like". Woman stared at me and goes "but my friend doesn't like to sit in the sun, so... " and gestures at my friend's seat again. I just stared back at her and repeated that the seat was taken, and in the end they huffed off after declaring the menu "boring anyway". It was so odd 😂

gentlemum · 30/06/2024 21:30

Such bizarre behaviour... I like to think I would have said 'sorry I'm just waiting for my friend' but like you I may have been too shocked to say it! But your update where you saw her again and she sat next to you again is super weird. Did you find out who she was if she was at the school too?

Original poster
Bambiwithlonglegs · 30/06/2024 22:19

She was a parent!
She didn’t try to talk to me or engage at all.
When she sat at the table she just went on her phone and didn’t look in my direction!

OP posts:
AstonMartha · 30/06/2024 22:22

I find the fact that you didn’t say anything (even hello) just as bizarre as her sitting next to you.

Maybe she’s your spirit guide.

gentlemum · 30/06/2024 22:34

Bambiwithlonglegs · 30/06/2024 22:19

She was a parent!
She didn’t try to talk to me or engage at all.
When she sat at the table she just went on her phone and didn’t look in my direction!

How odd!! Like you say maybe she's not all there. Maybe she'd seen you at the school and thought you were familiar enough to sit with. Though again strange then she didn't even speak to you.

Mirabai · 30/06/2024 23:04

AstonMartha · 30/06/2024 22:22

I find the fact that you didn’t say anything (even hello) just as bizarre as her sitting next to you.

Maybe she’s your spirit guide.

IKR.

The things MN posters find hard never cease to amaze me.

Rottweilermummy · 30/06/2024 23:22

I would have probably asked if she was OK, and then told her I was expecting my friend she might have thought that as you were on your own and she was , she could have some company, how old was this woman roughly?

Donsyb · 01/07/2024 11:30

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 29/06/2024 18:56

Well I would not have said anything. I would have moved. Like most people would.

In the real world MOST people would not say (in an annoyed tone with a tilted head) 'hello may I help you?' or confront the woman and tell her to move the fuck away. What a crock. As if people would say/do that in real life! 😆

You'd all just move, or stay there, you wouldn't confront her, and ya know it!

In the real world most people would have politely said “I’m sorry, that chair is taken”.

Deathraystare · 01/07/2024 11:49

Hmm. I would have done what my work lot did (non intentionally) a while ago. I used to work in forensic medicine and we had a bug guy with us and went to dinner. He was such an interesting engaging guy and we did not mind a bit chatting about bugs and stuff but we cleared the next table!