I’m at a coffee shop and….

[Bambiwithlonglegs]

Waiting for a friend to turn up! I sit at a table and the whole coffee shop is empty. I order my hot chocolate and start drinking and then a woman walks in orders her drink and sits at my table!! I’m stunned. I actually didn’t know what to say!! Should I ask her to move or move myself ? I’m messaged mg friend saying some woman has sat at our table!! My friend turns up and I said to her I’ve messaged you and she looks at her phone and sees the text I sent to her saying some random woman has just sat at my table and she suggests we both move which we did!!
should I of asked the woman to move?

I always find stories written in the present tense very difficult to believe.

It's what I would do, what would YOU do?

My first thought anyway would be "this is some weirdo, gotta get going quick or I could be dealing with someone mad as a box of frogs". I wouldn't take the risk that they are normal TBH.

If I was your friend I would have just pulled up an additional chair and squeezed in. If I fits I sits 😆

Something similar happened to me on a completely empty bus, I sat halfway down and at the next stop a man got on and sat next to me and I spent the next half an hour sat there frozen thinking WTF?! Same thing happened the next day, it was only on the 3rd day that I realised he was blind and he was counting x number of seats, after that I just sat further forward and it never happened again.

I find that if a stranger sits at your table in an empty coffee shop, picking up their overpriced cake and eating it usually ensures they don't do it again. Taking a sip of their coffee generally has the same effect if they are thoughtless enough not to buy a cake.

@FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot

Of course I would say something!! I'd say "excuse me but my friend is arriving soon. You can't sit there"

You might be a wimpy doormat but I'm not.

This is all so odd especially the replies. I think moving table is ruder! Like she smells or something! Just say, 'oh sorry, my friend's just coming to sit there.' in a friendly way!

Fgs, is it really that hard to see it was rude if that woman to sit at that table when all the other tables were empty?

The fact one has ‘the right to sit there’ doesn’t mean she has to or should.

If you dint like sitting alone, you don’t go into an empty cafe to have a drink!!

I personally find that actually having boundaries and saying NO to the other person plenty enough. You don’t have to be rude or aggressive. A simple ‘I’m waiting fir someone’ is plenty.

Come on, you absolutely should have gone with "the crow flies at midnight" while looking ominously off into the distance. Or something similar.

You must live in a very different real world from me, in my real world MOST people would address the situation as it happened and say something, normally in a friendly "sorry, that seat is taken" or as soon as she looked to be sitting down "hello, I've got a friend arriving and need that seat". Both friendly non confrontational and if the woman caused a fuss either asked staff to move her on or got up and sat elsewhere but no-one I know would sit there in awkward silence.

But it wasn't empty was it? She looked in and saw OP and thought "A ha, now I don't have to sit on my own!"

We all have different ways of dealing with situations, mine is to assume everyone is off their rocker in situations as described. I haven't been wrong yet.

I have already said what I would do.

But being passive aggressive is just as likely to illicit a negative response if the person is on drugs or drunk (which is what you were saying)

So I can’t see how there’s any point being passive aggressive is any better than just saying something.

if there’s no point saying. Something there’s no point being Passive aggressive

I would have said, “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m meeting a friend here, but I can move to another table”, then would have made to get up, in the expectation that she would apologise in turn, and move elsewhere. Had she not, I would have gone to another table, and been slightly annoyed!

I think I would have said, very politely, ‘ I’m waiting for a friend’. It wouldn’t occur to me not to, and I generally do anything to avoid confrontation! However, I can also understand that it would probably be quite startling to have someone sit down at your table when there are other seats!

Was it a particularly nice table - next to the window for people-watching or something?

If the place was very busy I would have said “sorry I’m meeting a friend”. If there were seats available nearby, I would have just moved.
Honestly the only people I’ve ever known who do this kind of thing have mental health problems or are nd or something along those lines. It’s a pretty odd thing to do otherwise. The only other motivation I can think of is they’re looking for a reaction. Unless I move tables and they follow, they won’t get it from me.

She can say whatever she wants what are you talking about. The woman doesn't have to move but op is allowed to talk.

.... and smoking weed. 😅

Why do people think it's OK to randomly sit at someone else's table in a coffee shop?
People always ask me first, and only if it's busy. Anything else is weird and rude.
It wouldn't be accepted in a restaurant for someone to just randomly join your table.

I would have said something like "Julie? ??YouYou look nothing like your profile picture! I can't believe this is happening to me AGAIN !" Then I would have moved tables 😁

Men do it deliberately, to intimidate or for a sexual thrill. Either way they know exactly what they're doing.

So taking this to it's logical conclusion, what if the woman who sat down wanted the chair that the OP was sitting in...would she have been within her rights to ask her to move, given that she has the right to sit where she likes?

It's a great question, and here's another good one: "WTF didn't the OP say something to the woman, instead of asking Mumsnet for advice"?. I'm all out of answers on that front.

I usually put my jacket or scarf on the spare seat in advance to ward off this sort of incident.