Secondary kids in the Holidays when you're working.

[GeneralMusings]

I'm looking at a job that's prediomiantly in person. My husband works mainly in the office too.

What do your kids do over the summer holidays/holidays in general?

I think my 15 year old can get about fine but my 12 year old is quite a young 12 year old and would find lots of days at home without an adult hard.

I think post covid it seems everyone wfh and has a parent home even if they're working!

Please stop worrying. In every FT office job I’ve had, both pre- and post-kids, you can book a half day off when you need to. That covers hospital appointments and afternoons off in school holidays if you need them.

Don’t wait for the unicorn job. Maybe that’ll come up or maybe it won’t. But this job is one you think would be fantastic for you. Try to remember that when the anxiety kicks in.

I feel a bit like I'm ditching them though

You're working and they're more than old enough to look after themselves. There's absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

Does your DH feel like he's "ditching" his kids when he goes to work? I'm betting he doesn't.

*kids hospital appointments. Do you need to take leave for these things too? Just realising it's not just holidays. At least we're past the days of nativity and shows.

You'd need to take annual leave, flexitime, TOIL for this. DH shares taking them to appointments
But do your kids have regular hospital appointments or is this once a year? If it's regular appointments then you're going to need a job with flexibility.

I mean this kindly OP as I've been in similar position about worry about going full time. Do you feel you're ready for this as you seem to be seeing a lot of obstacles? If you really want this job then you'll adjust as a family and make it work, but I get the vibe you're maybe not ready for this yet

I get the vibe @GrandShow that the OP is actually ready for it but just feels guilty and needs some encouragement that it’ll all be OK. Things do tend to work out if we grab an opportunity, I think, even if the unknown is scary looking towards it.

she's met up with friends quite a bit recently but it's always parents giving lifts to places. I don't think any of them use buses. It isnt like London where I know it's the norm for kids to get around themselves. She's also quite young for her age in herself. Eldest started using buses to see friends about 14.5 so it wouldn't be far off. But even then she prefers a lift! It takes significantly longer on a bus

We live rurally and learning to use the one-an-hour bus is important. They might prefer lifts but that isn’t always possible, especially in the school holidays! Plus they get the bus to school and back.

I'm genuinely not sure if I'm ready which is why I'm wavering. The idea of not "waiting for a unicorn job" has really resonated as I was hoping for more wfh work but this is the job that has come and I would really enjoy the people contact it has.

"Really want" is an interesting one.

I my ideal world I'd work part time and be well paid and be around to drive the kids places and be present for them. Or wfh so like people above I'd happily ignore them but "be around" at lunchtimes and when I make a cup of tea. But I haven't got an interview for that type of job currently so it could be a unicorn! Also the type of work I'm really interested in at the moment involves people so isn't wfh. I'm not good with working out how to get where I'd want as ideally I'd have retrained pre kids/when younger and fitter!

I'd be quite happy part time in myself but I want the role and we could quite frankly do with the money for the nice things. We're okay for basics but it would mean a holiday, kids clothes aren't a worry and they can go out socially more.

Yes they do have hospital appointment but my husband has also taken time off to do these so not just me.

Thanks @NoSquirrels yes it's the scary unknown I think when the last 15 years have revolved around the kids.

Don't let this stuff put your off. As PPs say it's mainly the summer hols that are a worry. Loads of people muddle through, including others who don't have GP support or clubs on the doorstep, and you can too. Similarly it was daunting when little ones went from nursery to school - we didn't know how we'd cover 12 weeks a year of hols - but we found a way like everyone else. You can be scared and think it's impossible but looking around you, it's not. Lots of 12 year olds have parents who work outside the home.

Parental leave is handy around this age. Several of my friends didn't use it at all when DC were little but are using a week or two every year now. Your idea of doing half weeks is a good one. Your 12yo might soon start sleeping in in the mornings, in which case it's really only a few hours before you are home from work. If your 12 year old has a group of friends the parents may be able to chip in a few lifts between them. I once spent a half term's annual leave taking 4 of them to and from an ice skating course. In other holidays the other parents had them round for pizza, drove them to the cinema or shops etc around their own work patterns, meetings etc. It wasn't anything formal but we all wanted to help the kids get together as and when we could. You figure it out as you go.

Agree.

Yes it might take a bit longer but that's just life - take a book..

It might be the making of them to have to be a bit more independent - when they go to university, no one is going to give them a lift everywhere

No I agree with being ready for uni which is why my 15 year old is quite happy taking buses to her friends and I'm not worried about leaving.

Its my 12 year old I'm concerned about. I'm sure at 15 she'll be taking buses to her friends too!

Next question will be being left after school. They adapt right....

I would be annoyed as a colleague if someone starts and immediately plans to take half-days of any school holiday when they have a teen at home. Other people have school children to and for example, in our team only one can be off so more than 2 weeks in a row is not possible and half-terms have to be shared as well.

DD often went away for a week with the Scouts, a friend did PGL each year. Then we go together for 2 weeks.

They do learn to be on their own.

Thanks @Morriata - my youngest is just getting a circle of friends and we've started a WhatsApp group. I don't really "know" the parents yet but it could well be that I offer to do something one day and ask if anyone could take her another! Feels like starting school all over again!

A lot of 12 year olds are taking buses every day to school. She probably could do it now TBH

Just to say that at 12 (or from High School really) you probably won't ever know the parents. I never knew most of my kid's friends parents as they arrange things themselves, why would us parents need to chat?

Its my 12 year old I'm concerned about. I'm sure at 15 she'll be taking buses to her friends too!

Surely she can do that already? There are children all over the country getting public transport to school alone at 11.

I got mine to arrange with friends regular days at the local swimming pool and they would spend the whole day there. It’s an outside pool. All good swimmers. Good luck

Hmm I'm looking at other threads and so many people say they wouldn't choose to work ft outside the home with teens if they had a choice and that it's a hard work/life balance and that they're exhausted!

I'd really like to be just "around" even if wfh. But then maybe this job would springboard into something else. I wish I felt more settled at this stage of life. Some of my friends are winding down and even those with good jobs are 4 days or wfh but they've learnt that perk whereas I'm changing career.

Surely this depends on your local area and your Y7s. My daughter and her friends didn't really live walking distance apart or on bus routes so although we didn't know the parents very well, we did communicate. No one organised a rota or planned playdates, but we all chipped in to support them in meeting up as and when we could.

@GeneralMusings you could just try it. They say you regret the things you didn't do, not the things you did. You can always quit if it doesn't work, or hunt for that unicorn job while you're working which looks better on the CV.

Your posts read to me that you are really keen to work in this role. You know what you want to do and I think you deserve to have a crack at it now. If it doesn't work out, at least you've tried.

Premier Sports go up to age 12. Are there any nearby schools doing that? It doesn't have to be at the school your children go to.

My 12 year old wouldn't cope well with not having someone around all day - would def and try and buddy up with another parent see if they can hang out together

@fieldsofbutterflies There is a difference between a bus to and from school at a regular time every day and trying to get to a friend’s house.

My DS might need to take a train from our small town into the nearest large town. Then a train from there to a different small town. Then up to a 40 minute walk to his friend’s house out in the sticks, which might be partly on a country lane with no paths (said friend is dropped at school be parents who work in large town and so isn’t near public transport)

He’s 16 and I’m fine for him to do it, but I wouldn’t have been happy at 12.

There is no point in pretending that public transport is the answer to everything- it isn’t even always helpful for adults who might be skilled at patching together a train, a bus and a shortcut to make a timetable just about work.

How did they get there?

There is no point in pretending that public transport is the answer to everything

I don't think anyone is saying that. They're just saying that if there is a bus or train available, that a 12 year old should be more than capable of using it without a parent or any additional supervision.

My niece is that age (well, just turned 13) and she happily walks 15-20 minutes from home to the station, catches a train into town with her friends and then spends the day there going round the shops, to the cinema or McDonald's, then does the same journey home in reverse - no parents involved and they don't drive anyway.

I was doing the same at that age - walking to the swimming pool, getting the train into the city to shop etc. and then back again afterwards. The only time my parents were involved was to ask whether I'd want any dinner after.

DD is now in Y12. Over the whole of secondary school I met just one set of friend's parents. Otherwise I don't even know their names or where they live unless it was a friend she would see at their home. It seems that for her most of them met in a park for a picnic, went to London, went to our local town.

From what DD said all of the parents work so if they meet somewhere it is not guaranteed that a parent is necessarily in the house.

Obviously you have situations where public transport doesn't work but unless you are really rural, it's normally possible to make your own way or meet somewhere.