Secondary kids in the Holidays when you're working.

[GeneralMusings]

I'm looking at a job that's prediomiantly in person. My husband works mainly in the office too.

What do your kids do over the summer holidays/holidays in general?

I think my 15 year old can get about fine but my 12 year old is quite a young 12 year old and would find lots of days at home without an adult hard.

I think post covid it seems everyone wfh and has a parent home even if they're working!

@SheilaFentiman well it wouldn't be quite weeks on end if say we took 2 weeks off in the summer it would be 2 weeks at the beginning and the end.

And more pressigly half term when they used to being taken places and given lifts and things.

For the first half term, op, you could be really proactive and do an exchange of days with another parent. So you or DH drop DC early Monday oh your way to work, pick up Tuesday after work. Wed your 12 and 15 year old stay home together. Thu and Fri you take off and have the “sleepover host” from Monday back at yours.

That breaks up the week.

I wonder if those suggesting that have younger kids.

Yes we did with my eldest.

(Although do now wfh)

No one I know uses childcare or clubs at high school age cause it's non existent.

Around here there are a few activity type clubs for secondary age children - e.g. round the corner is a youth club that does drama courses 10-3 for a few weeks and there's also a martial arts one.

Kids walk themselves there and entertain themselves for the rest of the working day - that's what my neighbour's teens do. But it's not childcare so much as just something productive to do

But it doesn't sound like your area is good for this

Yeah and 10-3 would be impossible anyway. Drama was the one I could see but wouldn't be her thing.

I am genuinely wondering if it's now really common people can wfh and I've missed this boat 😳.

At what stage would you ask about leave policies. Presumably after beingoffered a job but even then how do you phrase it?

I guess I'm coming to the holiday working game quite late on!

I think I would use a combination of techniques.

E.g. you work from home one day, so does your husband (if at all possible). So then there's only 3 days left to cover in a week.

A couple of weeks you get them to arrange the odd day trip with friends and reciprocate another week. Then it's only 2 days left and that is probably fine?

You see about flexing your hours so you start early and knock off at 3:30 or so, so if they don't emerge til lunchtime it's only 4-5 hours alone.

A couple of weeks where one of you takes a few days holiday and then another week another person takes holiday.

I don't think a few days on their own will do any harm at that age but I can see why you wouldn't want them on their own 5 days a week for 6 weeks, but that's why a piecemeal approach would make sense at this age.

DS' school offers an intensive swimming course, 45 minutes a day for 5 days, so he does that for one week. They offer theatre school during the holidays too (not his thing). He'll usually want the first week just sleeping and bumming around because he's tired after exams.

Then I normally suggest an activity for each day. Cycling with a friend. A shopping expedition for holiday clothes. Visiting someone. Give them an objective and the makings of a packed lunch. Get them thinking, the evening before, about what they want to do. Book a tennis court or daytime cinema tickets. This week, ds & a friend went crazy golfing - came back with tales of holes in 1.

By 12 and 15, they should know what they prefer, they just need a bit of chasing to get things organised. Then the effort of getting up, dressed and out, feeding themselves etc takes up quite a lot of time.

I pay ds to mow the lawn. To clean my car. That helps 🤗

I think that the benefit here is that you have time to plan. If you get the job you can leave them for a couple of days over the summer to work up to the half term.

I don’t think it’s a great idea to take a full week that early in the new job, but could you or dh take the Friday so that they’ve got one day when you can run them around?

Or could dh start and finish early that week? If they sleep till 12 and he gets home at 3 or 4 there’s not really a lot of time on their own.

If there are no formal clubs is there a gym or a leisure centre within walking distance of you? You could get them both a pass for the week to give them some focus.

Or if they like adventure sports book them into pgl for the October week?

I personally think you would be crazy not to go for the job. The childcare thing is going to apply to so few weeks, and you’ve already said that your dh can take a lot of them, so I think it would be worth just working out the best solution you can find.

No one I know uses childcare or clubs at high school age cause it's non existent.

The school I teach at runs LOADS of holiday clubs for teens. It's a private school. Are there any private schools around? Take a look to see if they run anything like this. There are loads of choices at my one, centred around lots of different hobbies (cricket camp tennis, outdoor pursuits, drama, orchestra, arts, whatever).

@Meadowfinch are they home alone for quite a bit of the holidays then? You just suggests ideas in advance/night before?

Thanks @NC10125 yes I really want the job! I just don't want to get it wrong as a parent for the last few years when I've been so hands on or available at least all the holidays so far.

Yes the October half term they might be feral and unhappy as I don't think I can ask for holiday straight away! He can get in at 5 some days and I'm not sure how early I'd get back (but of a commute) and don't know at what stage in the job process I'd find out "can I leave early in half term".... I kind of feel I'd be in the job before I knew and even then I don't want to look like a slacker 😳.

Problem is both are people facing jobs so less flexibility. But googling I think "my" one might offer 1 day a week wfh so it wouldn't be a full week.

I really want the job. I did wonder if I got it I could ask if they'd consider 4 days a week but wouldn't want them to withdraw the offer...

Lots of my colleagues that have children the same age take half days off in the summer holidays. So a week or two of just taking the afternoons off. Work have no issue with it at all and it means they work til 12 then go home (when the teens are just emerging from bed anyway!)

I think it would be reasonable to ask at interview if there are any restrictions on leave in the school holidays. Maybe leave more detailed questions till you have been offered the job

I'd go for the job. You and your dh get at least twenty days holiday each. There's 13 weeks school hols which is 65 days so I'd do-
1week family holiday in summer
Each half term you book two days or 4 half days (which ever works best)
Xmas each take a day (plus bank hols )
Easter each take a day (plus bank hols)
Summer - minus the family hol there's 5 weeks . So your dh takes 2 days a week or 4 half days for 4 weeks and you do it for 1 week .

That leaves you with at least 5 floating days for weddings/kids illness etc each.

If you get more than twenty days each (not including bank hols) then you could do a bit more but basically your kids would have someone home for at least 40% of week.

You could also see about setting up days at friends houses and you reciprocate or pay eldest to take younger to cinema/bowling/swimming etc

And see about wfh/flexi time once your in. It's probably only be a short term issue anyway

I think you’re totally overthinking this.

This summer, you can’t start till September. Then you’ve got 6 weeks at least till half term, and can tell them you have a booked holiday on those dates (say 3 days, Weds/Thurs/Fri?) before you start work - almost every employer will honour that if booked in advance.

By next school holidays you just work around it with your husband, and the kids hang out at home on days you both need to work.

Don’t give up an opportunity for you for a temporary problem- you’ll regret it.

You seem to be fretting a lot over what other people do. The job sound amazing so go for it and see what happens. Options when you get the job are plentiful. You could;

buy extra holidays
take parental leave (unpaid leave)
ask for flexibility
your husband could also do any of the above
the kids might have different friends to do things with
organise friends over a bit more now so you can meet them before you have them stay for a day

you are not letting down your kids for working when they’re 12 & 15. They’ll have to get on with whatever you organise. It’s just life.

Good luck

If it's a large company they may have flexi leave where you can buy additional holiday so I do this to get 2 extra weeks.

For half term I would take 2 days holiday and let them entertain themselves for 3 days. I'd also ask them any flex on wfh one day a weeks as standard

Thankyou @NoSquirrels . I'm likely ND and really struggle to imagine what a new job will be like until I'm in it. And how life will work differently. I have been v close to saying I can't work full time for a couple of years to be at home with kids in the Holidays.

But this is such a fab job and would help us financially and means I could escape my current one and looks really interesting and is linked to my interests.

I could look at part time roles but realistically they usually want full time and we could so with the money.

Most mum friends I know wfh or don't work full time so I haven't got any local examples, as well we aren't in a big city so the kids will be more unusual in being left to roam.

Could i ask for 4 days a week if I got it?

I think I could say I have prebooked time off in October (even if that's just childcare!) and husband can cover some days Xmas and easter fine. Wed be contactable in lunch breaks and things.

I really appreciate people thinking this through.

Honestly I leave my 14 year old and 9 year old, because I have to work and only get 25 days hol per year! We take a week to go on holiday and then my dh books every Monday off and I book every Friday off so they are together tue, wed and thur. Unfortunately no outside help for us so have to make the best of it! We are lucky that we have bowling and cinema quite near so they go there a few times, if we have any time accrued we will have an extra day off a week. It’s really tough but it is what it is!

Plus, isn’t your 15 year old desperate for money? Pay them to be summer chaperone 2 days a week next summer - taking younger sibling wherever they need to be via bus, or being the responsible one at home if youngest has a friend over etc. Obviously don’t tie them in the whole summer, they deserve time off to do what they want too, but 2 days very low stakes hanging out & ‘supervising’ should be absolutely fine.

If I was you, I’d stop overthinking the childcare they are 12 and 15 not 2 and 5. You say you really want this job so just go for it. You might not even get it and all this worry has been for nothing! Just go for it see how you get on, if you get the job amazing, then sort out childcare. I wouldn’t be asking at an interview for a full time position if you can do part time or asking about half days each week in the summer holidays. Chances are people already working there have things booked in. Employers tend to ask if you’ve any holidays booked in you could say you have a week or 2 in August as they tend to honour them (unless you get the impression it will put them off). That way by the time the whole process is done you could be starting end of July work couple of weeks then off then back for kids going back to school. Have you spoke to the kids to see how they’d be if you were to work full time in the holidays?

Mine were at home by 12, admittedly I finished by 2pm but they were fine

@Superstar22 the "fretting" is because I have an interview and scared to take a job if I can't make it work. If I can work out in my head that I can make it work then the "fret" goes away! No point going for the job if it's not practical.

Im asking here for advice.

Your past is really helpful as I didn't know about parental leave (unpaid would be fine really considering I'd earn so much more over a year than part time) and dint know about buying extra days.

And Summer - yes buying extra days would be helpful!

So I could leave them for say 3 days a week. I just need to book leave and maybe take extra leave.

I'm lucky my husband is quite flexible in summer and has extra leave himself at Xmas. It's mainly half terms so they may end up with a feral half term while I settle in.

I use leave so for part of the week, then they stay home. Older one is paid to babysit.

We're retired so have always been at home during the holidays but they did used to sometimes go with friends to an all day summer holiday activity group at the local swimming pool. Another thing they did a few times was bushcrafting at a pinetum. And the youngest did a few all-day coding workshops. There might be various things like that on locally?

@mitogoshi yes if be happier if I was home at 2

I've been close to not going to the interview and looking for jobs with more wfh or for part time ones.

I started the thread as I just dont know if we can make 2 full time work outside the house parents work well.

Its hard to know what's normal in a job until you're there.