Is this a fair request

[Fairenoughorno]

I have 2 dds, 10 and 7.

Their dad is pretty crap overall, lots of issues which I'm trying not to let cloud my judgement.

They share one single bed at his house, he sleeps on the couch, they hate it. Can't sleep properly as one is a sleep talker, the other is a very restless sleeper.

I've expressed concern about this multiple times and even offered to buy bunk beds which he declined.

They came back from a weekend at his knackered and upset again.

Is it fair to tell him he has to have them one at a time until he has a bed each for them?

Hard to see if I'm just being a dickhead ex because I hate him or if it's reasonable enough.

Completely reasonable. It's not fair on them. There are other solutions he could offer too e.g. a blow up bed, but instead he is letting them get tired.

Of course it's reasonable to expect your children to have a bed each.

I wouldn't send them individually because that's not resolving the issue instead I wouldn't be expecting them to go at all. He clearly doesn't care if they are comfortable or he would have taken you up on your offer or made alternative arrangements.

If he whinges just politely point out he wouldn't go somewhere weekly where there was no where to sleep so why is he expecting his children.

To be honest I would rather they didn't go, he has no carpets, no curtains, I've had to stop him having them due to hygiene reasons more than once....

He sees them every couple of weeks (sometimes more like once month) and has manipulated them into thinking that this single bed is the greatest thing ever because he generously gives it up for the when they sleep over, but they hate it.

He says everything I complain about is petty, and there have been a couple of times it has been petty, so just needed confirmation.

Thank you

Stop contact. Or at least overnight contact until he gets his act together. At their ages it will become inappropriate very soon.

i guess on the bright side... doesn't sound like he has much, either by choice or whatever and atleast he does actually have them.

could you provide an air bed so one can sleep on the air bed and one on the bed?

He won't accept anything from me since I complained about him taking all their well fitting appropriate clothing and sending them back in clothes not fit for purpose.

He pretty much has them to tell his family he has them, but they sit online the whole time basically, I have access to what dd does on her phone and she's online at least 10 hours a day there. She only has the phone because he's left them alone before, he hasn't done it since she's had a phone and can call me immediately.

There's no court order or anything like that, but I don't want them to not have a relationship, I just want him to even be a semi decent parent who has appropriate stuff for our dds.

Can he take them for days out & not have them overnight? Yes it's a Disney dad situation but at least they can still see him & not have this ridiculously inappropriate sleeping arrangement. And no need for him to keep their decent clothes & not return them.

Put boundaries in place then. He can have them for daytime but until he sorts reasonable accommodation e.g beds for both (even if that's blow ups) then he doesn't have them overnight as he isn't adequately providing

Just to add if he protests, tell him he is welcome to take you to court for the access. They will be super interested to hear his current arrangements

Daytime is probably a really good compromise.

He's a bit of an arsehole so no doubt he will be saying shit about me to my girls, but they asked me to talk to him about the sleeping situation there so I hope they understand.

Now to go and let him know I suppose. This should be fun.