Possible inattentive adhd? - experiences and resources please

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Hi,

Apologies for a long post. I have gone down a bit of an inattentive adhd rabbit hole in the past month - I don't know whether I have it and I'm thinking of booking an appointment with my GP. So many things are clicking for me as I'm reading about it but there are some aspects that don't apply to me and I'd really appreciate to hear from others.

• I don't think I had symptoms pre 12 (which a lot of of places online says is key). When I was young I was high achieving and went to 'gifted' child holiday schools. Learning was easy and fun. Ditto the first couple of years of high school.
• It was probably age 15 where classes started requiring more focus and healthy study habits that it started to fall apart. In my final year of school I needed to drop a couple of exam subjects in order to cram for the ones that I had a chance of passing - my teachers didn't believe that I wasn't going to pass because I performed well in class and my parents had to confirm to them how bad my study habits were at home.
• I was very emotionally disregulated as a teenager but pretty much only at home - big mood swings and screaming matches with my mum. She says she thinks I was depressed.
• Periods of depression.
• Anxiety in adulthood.
• Chronic procrastination - every single uni assignment a last minute all nighter and struggled with it at work although I have got a bit better at managing it as I've got older. In the past I have quit a couple of jobs where things have started to get too much and so I wanted to move on rather than fail. I've also missed out on holidays and experiences I'd aimed to do because I've been unable to properly plan and make them happen. But I'm also capable of work at a really fast rate when the pressure is on and a deadline is due - I pull out all the stops to make it happen.
• I have tried to pursue adult study/professional qualifications a couple of times but have always dropped out as I can't sustain my study alongside work - I will spend hours with my study books without really focussing on them or getting distrcated by my phone.
• Task paralysis and lack of motivation - struggle to just get up and do stuff - feels like it really requires effort.
• I over research things and find it difficult to make a final decision.
• Money management issues - this has always been a struggle - I got into quite a bit of credit card debt over the years and worked hard to pay it off but I do still spend impulsively.
• Binge eating - not quite as bad now - it was worst when I was a teenager, I used to literally eat spoonfuls of sugar.
• Don't really have any routines or habits
• I am always trying to implement new systems to organise and get on top of the overwhelm I feel but they fall apart quite quickly.
• Switching off when people are talking to me
• Sex drive - its high in the early stages of a relationship but drops off a cliff later on and I struggle to get out of my own head during sex to enjoy it.
• Mess - from my teenage year through uni I was chronically messy. My bedroom was always a disgusting tip. I am better at it now but my partner complains about my messiness and I go from having a really big cleanout and re-organising to things being messy again very quickly
• I'm addicted to my phone.

• I don't have massive issues in social situations but I do often feel like I need alcohol to properly relax when socialising.
• I'm not hyperactive - if anything I like sitting too much.
• I'm not HUGELY forgetful but misplacing things and having to order new banks cards I probably do more than most people. I feel like my long-term memory for events in my life is really poor - other people seem to be able to remember clearly events and experiences and a lot of mine feel more like fuzzy impressions than clear memories.

I've tried to talk about this to a couple of people who know me but they've just said everyone procrastinates (true) and that I'm just always too hard on myself (also true). I don't think people see me in the way I've described myself above - I think they see someone who is doing well at life. I think mostly I have been doing ok but it all feels a lot harder than it should.

Over the past couple of years though the feeling of overwhelm and not coping has intensified. I think this is because (a) I have a 2 yr old and juggling parenthood with life and work is putting huge extra demands on me and (b) I'm in my 40s so might have some hormonal stuff going on. I feel like just getting through the week at work with nursery drops offs and parenting leaves me exhausted at the weekends and then the concept of going out and doing things at the weekend feels like a daunting organising task (and my to do list is constantly weighing on my mind).

I'd be really grateful to hear whether this sounds like how others have experienced inattentive adhd? Also what helped you get on top of it?

Thank you :)

Oh and a couple of other examples:

• forgetting to return library books or post things
• being terrible at keeping in touch with friends. I have some old friends I’ve lost touch with because guilt at being rubbish at keeping in touch stopped me reaching out

We're moving this thread to our Chat topic at the OP's request.

Following because this sounds almost exactly like me and I have often wondered the same

Yes this describes me.and I was.diagnosed with.ADD last year at 46
It's the friends thing I find most painful and the amount of late fees credir card interest I've paid.

Oh and the amount of hobbies I've had which I've lost interest in.after 3 months is insane

@Confusedandhormonal thank you for sharing.

Do you feel like a diagnosis has helped? Are you receiving treatment as a result?

I think I'm going to pursue a diagnosis assessment - not because I strongly want meds (I'm open depending on whats recommended) but because reading about this recently I felt I real sense of oh ok, maybe there's a reason I'm like this. Maybe it's not just me being lazy/having no willpower/being shit at coping with adulting. And if I know this I can then inform myself with better coping strategies with less self-blame and guilt!

Thank you @DawnMumsnet

This is me and just diagnosed at 35.

A lot of this is me as well, and it’s got worse since having my son, before then I just thought I had some quirks, but now I’m deep into it. My niece is currently undergoing appointments for for a diagnosis and my cousin has been diagnosed and she thinks the whole family (on my dad’s side) have it. Feck.
Waiting lists are so so long. What would even happen if I was diagnosed!?

Same!

Your OP is pretty much a description of me. Except I am/was extremely forgetful of everything: keys, phone, wallet, birthdays, appointments.

Age 59 I started taking ADHD medication and it has been a life changer. I had to go to a private clinic which is NHS approved for shared care. That means I still have to get check ups twice a year privately but GP will prescribe the meds, a saving of £££ every year. I highly recommend you investigate it, if you haven't already. I had to wait 8 months for my consultation from when I first enquired.

You will be given trial meds. Typically people with ADHD feel calmer on amphetamines/stimulants, whereas NT people feel speedy and excitable.I always wondered why I could fall straight to sleep after a double espresso!

Some people suffer side effects but I've been lucky so far.

Every single one of these is me too OP. I've been 💯 convinced for 4 years or so now that I've always had ADD since first reading up on it. Like you, it was the biggest lightbulb moment of my life.

(In fact I read your post eating my 2nd pack of crisps:/)!!

I've mentioned it to my GP and they were very dismissive. But the lightbulb moment for me was like, wow, I've always KNOWN there's something 'wrong' with me, and this feels like utter vindication to know it's just the way my brain is wired.

I'm a teacher and I've probably planed a small handful of lessons in my over 20 year career- purely because I can't. I can't plan a thing. My brain freezes and trips itself up. I can remember once, years ago trying desperately to do some work at home - desperately wanting to be able to be 'normal ' and just get on top of it. All my stuff was laid out on the table, but I just flipped and swiped it all off because despite not being stupid, I just could not get started.

Anyway, sorry for writing so much but this has been my life forever.

I can't seem to get round to organising a diagnosis for some reason.

One thing that I keep thinking about whenever I think about this, is that when I was small my mum took me to the clinic for a hearing test because she thought I might be a bit deaf. I wasn’t even slightly deaf but I clearly was in my own world a lot for her to take me?!

The diagnosis has absolutely helped.me understand myself and be kinder to myself. The meds were great for a while but I've started to feel I want to come at the whole thing more holistically with diet and exercise. I now take them a few times.a month rather than daily.

The kicker is I've got a job that requires high levels of organisation - lots of legal deadlines etc. I manage to pull things out the bag but I do feel like I'm furiously juggling lots of balls on a unicycle, without much control, and its only a matter of time before I let something drop spectacularly. Its a very stressful way to work.

And I feel like I've drained myself of any organisation/motivation/coping units at work leaving me little for myself and family life. I feel a bit like a shell on the weekends often.

My work has a private healthcare arrangement and I can get specialist appointments with a GP referral. It might not cover this, but I'm going to look into it.

That's interesting about the caffeine - I don't think it affects my sleep majorly if I have it in the evening.

Following with interest. Describes me to a T. My son has been diagnosed with innatentive adhd this year. My mother was diagnosed last year. GP doesn't seem to be interested but referred me for an assessment, waiting list will take time but that's fine by me I'm not in rush I'd just like to know. I'm about to start a new job and feel it might impact on my organisation skills

I identify with a lot of what you describe and I have a diagnosis of combined type ADHD (hyperactive and inattentive). I am also autistic.

The thing that helps me the most is high intensity exercise, without a doubt. I also write a LOT of lists and need reminders on my phone for absolutely everything. I am quite minimalist and need to leave things in the same place at home, always. I take sleep really seriously, and rest.

I'm waiting to be assessed for medication as I would like to see if it would make a difference. I drink a lot of caffeine and can (& do) drink it last thing at night and I have no trouble falling asleep.

Edited to add as I forgot (of course), there is some evidence that a high protein diet helps symptoms - I do eat very clean & high protein so might be worth exploring if that is something that would work for you.

Now see, caffeine has so much of an affect on me that i drank coffee yesterday morning and I still struggled to sleep at midnight! It’s horrendous and always been the same. But everything else is spot on. I’m finding work so hard, I just put off tasks and doom scroll. I can’t concentrate in meetings, never been able to, I plan imaginary situations in my head when my OM is talking and pray no one asks me a question. I watch the same films over and over if they make me calm, listen to mad loud music as it calms me, read the end of books and google the plot of films whilst I’m watching because I’m too anxious about anything unexpected. Fuck

@Confusedandhormonal Do you feel like being on medication helped you establish healthier behaviours / habits that are sticking now that you're not taking them as much?

Meh, I mean yes that describes me too. I'm not bothered about getting diagnosed. I don't see what it would change. I'm at uni now and if I had a diagnosis it would just give me a weeks extension to submit. Which means I would just put it off for another week!

I am the exact same, OP. It is such a MN cliche but I could have written your post.

I haven’t though about diagnosis. I’m burying my head in the sand about it to be honest. I feel like people won’t take it seriously or will think I’ve jumped on a bandwagon.

Following this thread with interest.

Christ this is me to a tee, and it’s getting worse as i get older (turning 40 this year). I treated myself to an audible subscription last year but have listened to the same 8 books over and over. I also do the googling endings of films thing.

I often lose my keys/phone/bank card 2-3 times in the process of leaving the house. My brain just doesn’t register the physical act of me putting them down. Same with putting things in my handbag or rucksack, especially the interior pockets; my brain doesn’t register the action and I then end up panicking and trying to find the thing I’ve lost.

I was academically gifted as a child but middling at now in a middle of the road job that I’ve only stayed in because there is literally no pressure and deadlines are completely flexible.

My mum 100% has it and I’m thinking about trying to get a diagnosis. We used to laugh about playing hunt the car keys when we were kids. Not laughing now 😩🤣

I decided to ask for an assessment for adhd because it was suggested to me by one of my counsellors when I was on an adult training course for people with disabilities.
I had been diagnosed with all sorts since I was 15, depression, anxiety, OCD, body dysmorphia, social phobia, agoraphobia, the list goes on and on. I dropped out of school at 16 with no exams.
I’m fairly smart but I was crap in school, my attendance was abysmal, my reports and grades were awful. When I did go, I was so tired and freaked out by the end of the day, I used to come home, close my curtains, get into bed and stay there for hours. In primary school I was constantly being punished for not paying attention and sent for hearing tests and eye tests because I was generally well behaved and had “the aptitude to do well” (according to my report card) but kept failing way behind in my lessons.
I had been hospitalised multiple times, on loads of different medications, counselling, did cbt/ erp… my psychiatrist wanted me to do electro shock therapy at one point but I refused. They even sent me for mri, that thing where they attach the things to your head and look at your brain waves (?? Can’t remember the name) to try figure out what was wrong with me and why I wasn’t responding to treatment, but it wasn’t til I was in my thirties that anyone even mentioned nd to me.
It was my third time doing that adult education course, for the same qualification. I just can’t seem to get beyond that level or learn outside of that environment where I have extra support and I have never managed to get employment afterwards. I have literally never been able to work, nobody wants to hire me and I wouldn’t cope anyway.
I have had severe problems with sleep all my life.
Problems with my mood.
I have severely bad concentration. I often can’t watch things on tv or movies or read books properly because I can’t follow them or sit still long enough. I never learned stuff that other people can do, swim/ play an instrument/ play sports
I'm beyond shit at following instructions, (trying to follow a recipe makes me have a meltdown) and at learning the rules to stuff
I can’t cope with my own emotions and I tend to avoid people because they make me feel anxious and overwhelmed.
What has helped me is a stimulant antidepressant in the morning and a sedative one at night. And acceptance. I’m much better in myself now that I understand myself a bit better. All my life I wondered why I was so different to people around me and why I’m so crap at things, now it makes more sense.