Why are middle & upper class children so confident?

[Staroftheseas]

This is really a sweeping generalisation but the majority of middle & upper class children we know are extremely confident. This has nothing to do with private or state education. In our state school the kids usually chosen for awards or solos are also from middle class backgrounds. They just have an inner confidence & polish that lower middle class & working class kids don't have.

Um ok, if you say so.

I’m a middle class child (now adult) and I think most people are hugely insecure but some cover it better than others.

Mirror the way their parents interact with the world. Not always but usually

Societal expectations and proper manners give the polish you mention, and straddle all classes.

Confidence /how you present yourself comes from parents. There’s other influences but parental behaviour shines through a lot.

I think money allows for wider life experiences, which in turn leads to confidence.

How do you distinguish between middle class and lower middle class? Are there really "upper class" children at your state school - as in children from the aristocracy?

I've been to three school concerts to see my dc & it's the kids from the middle class backgrounds who got all the accolades, solos & main speaking parts hence my post. Not taking away from the children, they were marvellous but seemed to have a stellar confidence in the themselves. It can't be the school as my children don't have this sense of self belief!

No upper class at our school that I am aware of! However we have acquaintances who are uc & their dc are so confident around adults & also delightful!

I'm not going to discuss classes, but all the confident kids (all backgrounds) I know have two factors in common. 1. They are willing to try new experiences - clubs, sports, camps, etc. 2. Parents focus on moving the family forward including education, experiences, making friends and do not focus on putting others down / negativity.

When I looked around private schools I realised after a while it was partly having a tan in winter (from skiing).

This, with 10 thousand knobs on.

It's cultural.
Their parents will as a general rule, live a life there is considered successful. Good career with status university education and come from generations of people who are considered to be in the upper echelons of society. That leads to an expectation that they deserve to lead, to be the managers, bosses, etc.
They expect their children to be the same. That leads to confidence.
They will also more likely be read to at home, and have more emphasis placed on education which will lead to being better and more confident at school
My working class friends at school who were the confident ones were the ones that are good at things like sport, singing or performing.

I think it's a lot to do with parenting styles. Huge helicopter parenting protecting them from everything & everyone, smoothing the path, opening doors. Throwing money at problems, getting the best help when needed. Access to the best schools, healthcare & nutrition. Opportunities for life experiences, different cultures through travel, what luxury looks and feels like, fancy restaurants etc. Also a lot of soft, gentle, attachment parenting. Less stress on everyone when moneys no issue. And high expectations of the child.

I guess it is how you are defining ‘confidence’. I have meet some very confident children from w/c backgrounds, have no issue getting up on the stage at Butlins were they feel comfortable and can be their selves. Maybe not so much in a more formal environment?

Lots of this rings true, although I’m not sure about the helicopter parenting bit. Most of my children’s friends are expected to be independent, talk to adults for themselves and engage in conversation without the parents replying for them etc. They’re ‘taught’ how to fit in at social events without relying on their parents to answer for them.

I think the element of fewer stresses in their homes probably plays a large part.

What is the obsession about class?

It's parenting. And to some extent the natural character of your child.

And how you parent the character you have.
And leading by example.

I'm from a very working class background but was very confident and outgoing at school. My mum didn't have much money at all as a teenage single parent, but what she did have was strong values and taught us impeccable manners and how to conduct ourselves in a variety of scenarios. I realised as an adult on reflection that it helped me a lot growing up. As I got to college age I would do things that weren't very typical for my peers from the area I grew up in - for example going to the ballet and the opera and art exhibitions etc. I also naturally made friends from different backgrounds as I got older, some very wealthy but I never felt out of my depth / uncomfortable in any scenario as my mum instilled a sense of confidence and good manners in me from such a young age. My partner is from a much wealthier background and (by his own admission) can feel quite uncomfortable and not sure of his place if we go somewhere quite formal or more upmarket. On the other hand I feel at home and not intimidated. I think it comes down to values and what things you're exposed to / how your parents communicate with you about your self value and how to conduct yourself in social situations rather than class or wealth. Obviously this is only my experience and it will be different for everyone.

I'm from a very working class background but was very confident and outgoing at school. My mum didn't have much money at all as a teenage single parent, but what she did have was strong values and taught us impeccable manners and how to conduct ourselves in a variety of scenarios. I realised as an adult on reflection that it helped me a lot growing up. As I got to college age I would do things that weren't very typical for my peers from the area I grew up in - for example going to the ballet and the opera and art exhibitions etc. I also naturally made friends from different backgrounds as I got older, some very wealthy but I never felt out of my depth / uncomfortable in any scenario as my mum instilled a sense of confidence and good manners in me from such a young age. My partner is from a much wealthier background and (by his own admission) can feel quite uncomfortable and not sure of his place if we go somewhere quite formal or more upmarket. On the other hand I feel at home and not intimidated. I think it comes down to values and what things you're exposed to / how your parents communicate with you about your self value and how to conduct yourself in social situations rather than class or wealth. Obviously this is only my experience and it will be different for everyone.

You must be new on here. To many on MNs everything can be linked to class, schooling etc
It's like an obsession with some posters 😂

I know.

It's like you can be a pretentious knob but if you go skiing then it's fine, because you know class.

Not necessarily been my experience. Admittedly I don't think I've met anyone who is upper class (thought upper class was dukes and barons etc) but yeah shy kids are in all walks of life. If anything having a hard life and being broke makes you more confident.

And anyone who thinks helicopter parenting makes a child confident is insane.

Clearly a lot to do with good parenting, teaching them manners, perhaps better education.

I think modesty and not bragging or thinking your better than anyone is valued more in working class culture. At the school I went to if you were the kid who put your hand up all the time the other kids would see fit to take you down a peg or two. It's not cool. So maybe it comes a bit from parents, but there's definitely a culture within schools that tells the working class kids to keep their head below the parapet.

Kids also get picked for solos when they're good at something, which is more likely if their parents are paying for private music tuition, etc.