Having a baby at possibly 35

[RachelLew91]

Hello all, i am very new to this and hoping this platform is the right one. I am a step mother to a 6 year old and love it. I want children of my own eventually but feeling more and more panicky about the time... I am now 32 years old, however looking into going back into education to be a teacher. This will delay by 2 years which means i will be 34/35 trying for a baby.
This is something that is making me very apprehensive and worried... will i be too old?

Test your AMH.

I had mine tested at 30 and my ovarian reserve was that of a much younger person.

I had my babies at 32, 34 and 38.

Conceiving at 38 was much harder. I had two horrible miscarriages. Pregnancy was harder each time.

Honestly, if you're 32, in a stable situation and a good relationship I would just start trying. You can study while pregnant, defer if you need to etc.

You don't know if you will have fertility issues. If you do, you will find yourself wishing you had more time on your side to resolve them.

I had my dcs at 38 and 42. I found pg and birth very easy, but it took a while to conceive (over a year each time). I also had a tfmr in between due to genetic issues - the risk is higher with age, but it's also something that affects younger mums so age is only part of the risk.

I agree with pp about the ect years being very tough while pg. Teaching in general will be tough with young dc - very long hours, stretched resources, low morale, lots of bureaucracy, and never attending your own dcs school events.

I had mine at 21 and I was absolutely knackered…and I still am now he’s 5. I’m not convinced it’s age that knackeres you out, just kids haha.

I’m planning two more in my 30s. I’m not expecting much of a change. My dp will be post 35 too.

Can I ask people on here how you go about testing ovarian reserve? I don’t plan on having more until I’m well post 30, however I’d rather be informed as my mother went through peri menopause at 38. I never really considered this as an issue until reading some replies on here.

You're not too old but don't mess about.

I am a FTM in my early 40s. I wouldn't (recommend leaving it til then on purpose, but you don't have the option to turn the clock back).
By all means think "do I want to have a 10 year old at 45?" But alson think "do i want to get to 50 and not have tried to have a child?"

I was nearly 38 when I had ds, I had 2 losses the year before but got pregnant with him 8 months later.

I had my second child at 35. Lucky to have no problems conceiving but 35 was also always my personal cut off for having kids and I wouldn’t have had them any older.

For me, I’d be mindful about having a young baby/taking mat leave during the first year or 2 of a brand new career. Babies are beyond exhausting.

It’s a blood test, there’s lots of companies offering it online. Personally I’d recommend a full fertility check at a private clinic for ~£500, to include a suite of blood tests and scans, as AMH alone won’t give the full picture.
My AMH was described as “borderline undetectable” at 34, and then scan confirmed very low follicle count, indicating an ovarian reserve more typical of someone 10 years older, which was a huge shock.

OP nobody can tell you on here whether you’ll be ok to wait until 35 or not. For me it was a great age in terms of mental and financial readiness, and I felt very physically fit so wasn’t worried, but as it turned out, I would likely have had a much easier time of things if I tried earlier. Many people have and will get pregnant easily, much older than 35, but others will suffer POF with no outward signs. You just can’t tell with fertility without testing. (Miraculously I did manage to get pregnant via IVF, eventually).

Good luck and I hope it all works out for you x

There's no really reliable way.

It's been fine for me and most of my friends.

I got pregnant first month at 35 and had my first at 36. Pregnant second month at 37 and had second baby at 38.

Have been having weird periods and peri symptoms since early 40s, so not convinced that I'm someone who had excellent egg reserve.

I had my first at 35, second at 38. I conceived straight away with both.

I too delayed having them, for me it was until I had finished my PhD as there was no way I would finish it otherwise. No regrets. I am the main earner in our family and I needed the PhD to progress so it was just what I had to do.

I had my first at 33 and pregnant with my 2nd now at 37. I admit, I'm exhausted but ds is beautiful and happy and healthy and this pregnancy is going well so far.

I’m surprised you see that as old - everyone I know has had their first at least early 30s, most mid 30s. Obviously no one here can tell you if you’ll face any fertility issues - but those would likely be an issue if you tried now - age is a factor but it’s a gradual decline and not in mid 30s. If you can afford it - could you get private fertility tests done? It doesn’t guarantee anything but might inform you to make decisions.

Of course it’s possible to get pregnant easily at 35 or later, but you just don’t know whether you’ll be one of the lucky ones or not. Bear in mind there is no test available for egg or sperm quality, just number and appearance.

I ummed and ahhed about starting trying in my early 30s, but ultimately went for it, and when it took us a while I was bloody glad I did. Infertility is heartbreaking, but at least in your early 30s you know time is on your side if you need ivf etc and the odds are higher. I’m now in the very early stages of pregnancy and I’m so glad I went for it.

I had my first at 35 and second at 38. Conceived first time with both and also a third time which for medical reasons we terminated.

I'm now 40 and knackered but that could be until very recently I was obese, rather than just being just age related.

My SIL just had her first at 35 but it took her at least 2 years to conceive. However, it took my mum over 2yrs to conceive me in her 20s, so really it's impossible to say what experience you will have until you start trying.

Thank you so so much for everyone’s replies . Your comments have been really helpful 🙏🏻 xx

I had mine, with no problem at all, at 37 and 40. I'm now in my 50s and they are in their teens. I don't feel exhausted all the time! I was t the oldest mum at baby groups.

We are a "geriatric primagravida" success story.. people will come on here and tell you their stories , and there will be as many tales of lost pregnancies and infertility.

I was 34 and 38 when I had mine.

But I started TTC at 32 and discovered I had fertility issues and needed fertility drugs to conceive.

That's a risk of waiting

I would definitely get your fertility checked. I had no issues getting pregnant in my 20s but had huge issues in my 30s.
If you do have issues it doesn't give you much time.
You might be fine but who knows, personally if I was in a good happy relationship I wouldn't put it off.

It's a totally normal age. I had mine at 36 and 38. Same ages as most of me friends really.

I had my DS at 35, I conceived in the second month. I was a bit nervous about having waited though. Maybe I was lucky as I know friends who had been trying for 1-5 years at my age. I would try sooner rather than later tbh as you don't know how long it will take. I'm now pregnant again at 39, got pregnant straight away but I've had 2 miscarriages in between. One was at 20 weeks which wasn't due to being older but it doesn't afford you as much time to play with if you have multiple losses and want more than 1 child.

I had mine at 35 & 38, I’m not the oldest mum at the school gate by any stretch.

I’d be more worried about joining the teaching profession than having a baby at 35.

One of these things will have a major effect on your mental wellbeing and energy levels. It won’t be the one in nappies.

Having a baby at 35+ is normal, fertility does not drop off a cliff at this age, it is gradually declining and that process accelerates more quickly in some women than others. Fertility struggles are always a possibility and you won't know if you're going to face this challenge until you start TTC.
Anecdotally, I got pregnant at 34 and 39 and my first baby actually took longer to conceive than my second. I feel very fortunate to have conceived fairly easily age 39 but I also know many other women who had babies at similar ages or older. In fact, I know very few who had a baby before they were 35.
In your position I'd perhaps consider, how you'd feel if you did wait to TTC vs starting getting pregnant soon and the impact that would have on your training. What's more important to you? Wishing you good luck and fortune with whatever you decide to do

Lots of women have their first baby at 40! In fact everyone in my antenatal class was 38 and above. I was 32 and felt like a teenage mum 😂