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Original poster

Having a baby at possibly 35

83 replies

RachelLew91 · 15/06/2024 22:46

Hello all, i am very new to this and hoping this platform is the right one. I am a step mother to a 6 year old and love it. I want children of my own eventually but feeling more and more panicky about the time... I am now 32 years old, however looking into going back into education to be a teacher. This will delay by 2 years which means i will be 34/35 trying for a baby.
This is something that is making me very apprehensive and worried... will i be too old?

OP posts:
Darcy86 · 15/06/2024 23:04

Had my first at 34 and my second a week before my 37th birthday. I am knackered if I'm being completely honest but I'm in the thick of it right now, and I wouldn't have been mentally ready any earlier in my life. I don't feel like a particularly old mum. Most people in my circles have had kids at a similar age. Good luck!

Barefootsally · 15/06/2024 23:08

Luluem · 15/06/2024 22:57

Hi - fertility does not “drop off a cliff” at 35, there is a gradual reduction from the natural peak at a linear rate for a while, it’s not like you wake up at 35 and your chances have halved. What is true is that complications increase as you get older, markedly from 40+. As pp said, check your egg reserves and hormones now, as that will give you a much clearer picture of what you specifically are working with

Fertility starts declining from 30 it speeds up declining mid 30s - your chance really do half at 35 compared to an 18 year old

I spent an entire year on fertility boards - we were all in the same boat.

SallyWD · 15/06/2024 23:08

I had my first at 35. We started trying for a baby on my 35th birthday and I conceived first time.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Original poster
RachelLew91 · 15/06/2024 23:08

Thank you so much for this and for everyones comments. Getting my fertility checked is definitely something i will look into xx

OP posts:
longdistanceclaraclara · 15/06/2024 23:13

I was 34, apart from having 'geriatric primagrvaida' scrawled across my notes in red it was no issue

mrsed1987 · 15/06/2024 23:17

I've just had my second and I'm 36, I don't feel old at all

LameBorzoi · 15/06/2024 23:18

Honestly, if you really want a baby, start trying now. If you wait until 34 - 35, you might be fine, and you might not be. There are lots of people who have kids in their late 30s, and there are a lot of people who struggle. Even if you get blood tests you can't be sure.

If I'd waited till 35 to have kids, I wouldn't have been able to have any.

dancingdaisies · 15/06/2024 23:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

Ffion56 · 15/06/2024 23:19

There’s no issue with you being pregnant at 35. It’s a totally normal age to have a baby.

Be aware that it will take 3 years to do a PGCE, followed by your 2 ECT years though. I personally wouldn’t want to be pregnant whilst completing ECT years. It’s quite a lot of work. Are you already enrolled on your course for this September?

Namechangedasouting987 · 15/06/2024 23:21

I had my first when I was just turned 34, second at 35 and third at 37. Didn't delay on purpose, but hadn't found my DH unti I was 29!
Had no trouble conceiving. Third pregnancy was hard. But that was also because I has 2 toddlers and it was my 3rd pregnancy in 3 years. Glad I didn't wait any longer though, started peri menopause by 45 and I am now totally through menopause at 54.
I wouldn't delay to take a course. Just go for it.

mynameiscalypso · 15/06/2024 23:22

I had DS when I was 35; he's now 5 and I'm 40. I don't feel like I'm an old parent at all. I'm probably slightly below average age at my son's school although only just. Similarly in my friendship groups, I'd say I'm right in the middle. It seems like a perfectly normal time to have children to me!

LameBorzoi · 15/06/2024 23:25

gymgoals2024 · 15/06/2024 22:51

Probably not. Best thing you can do is go for a test to check your AMH Levels. That will tell you better than an Internet forum. I wouldn't delay it longer than 35 as fertility drops off a cliff after that.

AMH is only good for predicting IVF success. It's not useful for checking overall fertility.

LameBorzoi · 15/06/2024 23:27

Luluem · 15/06/2024 22:57

Hi - fertility does not “drop off a cliff” at 35, there is a gradual reduction from the natural peak at a linear rate for a while, it’s not like you wake up at 35 and your chances have halved. What is true is that complications increase as you get older, markedly from 40+. As pp said, check your egg reserves and hormones now, as that will give you a much clearer picture of what you specifically are working with

That's true at a population level, but individuals can experience a "drop off a cliff" at this age. I did.

katebushh · 15/06/2024 23:29

That's fine, I had DS at 38.

PickAChew · 15/06/2024 23:30

There are no guarantees at any age but I had mine at 34 and 36. Got pregnant 1st time 3 times but lost one fairly early.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/06/2024 23:30

I was similar age and all the local first time mums are same age or older (SE England)

girljulian · 15/06/2024 23:32

I would get your hormone levels checked. I first had mine checked at 30 and my AMH was very low then, showing diminished ovarian reserve. 5 years later I still haven't managed to have a live birth. I don't feel old and would be perfectly happy to have a 5 year old at the age of 40 but I can't see it happening now.

Original poster
RachelLew91 · 15/06/2024 23:33

I already have my degree . It would either be a full time 1 year course or 2 years part time x

OP posts:
Sasqwatch · 15/06/2024 23:37

peopleonthebusgoupanddown · 15/06/2024 22:52

I'm 36 with a one year old and don't feel old at all.

That said, 35 wasn't the plan. It took us 5 years and 4 rounds of IVF to get pregnant. If it's something you really want, think carefully about putting it off as you never know what's ahead of you

This

Mistressofnone · 15/06/2024 23:40

Completely normal age to start a family. I had my first at 36, second just before my 39th birthday. One MC in between. No trouble conceiving. Honestly I can't tell if I'm older or younger than a lot of the mums at the school gate.

I don't think I'm any more knackered than I would have been 10 years prior. I loved my sleep back then and actually think I handle early starts better now.

GrandTheftWalrus · 15/06/2024 23:45

I met dh 3 months before I turned 30. No previous pregnancies with my exH and was actually told I wasn't ovulating in my 20s.

I have since been pregnant at 31, 35 x2, 37 and 39.

2x live births. 1 miscarriage. 1 termination and 1 undiagnosed ectopic pregnancy that led to a tube removal.

I gave birth at 32 and 36.

Ffion56 · 15/06/2024 23:45

RachelLew91 · 15/06/2024 23:33

I already have my degree . It would either be a full time 1 year course or 2 years part time x

I meant your first 2 years of teaching post PGCE. You now have to do 2 ECT years in England, a bit like 2 years of assessed probation. It’s called a probationer year if you’re in Scotland (I think!)

I’d not have wanted to do it pregnant or with a small baby personally, as it’s a lot of work. Not impossible, but something to consider.

Original poster
RachelLew91 · 15/06/2024 23:53

Oh I’m sorry - yes i understand what you mean. We call it NQT year :)

Thank you so much for your response x

OP posts:
LameBorzoi · 16/06/2024 00:03

Please remember that you will be getting a biased sample here, OP. The ones for whom it worked. Those who couldn't get pregnant are less likely to be posting on mumsnet.

And consider the advice from @peopleonthebusgoupanddown. If you start at 35 and have issues, and spend 5 years working things out, then you are 40.