Page 4 | Going away without DC - what age?

katyb84 · 25/06/2024 21:23

Grah · 25/06/2024 21:02

🤷‍♀️meh

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Yes that response tells me everything , thinks mums and dads are disgusting for having some time alone , perfectly fine with berating and calling other kids names .

Notamum12345577 · 25/06/2024 21:35

Haveli · 13/06/2024 11:29

It's our 5 year wedding anniversary this year and we are considering a city break just the 2 of us. However we have DD (almost 3) who has only ever spent 1 day/night away from us both at a time so not sure if it's too soon to leave her with Grandma for a few days?

My mum is super keen, and we are looking at midweek so she will keep her nursery routine but just have evenings and nights with Grandma for 3 days.

Is 3 too young to do this? DH goes away with work all the time so he thinks it's fine but not sure if I'm just feeling mum guilt or if it's really fine! DH and I don't get to spend much time just the two of us so it would be really nice for us.

What age were your DC when you both first left them for a few days?

We went away for 3 nights when my youngest was 10 months, she was fine with grandparents!

Tryingtobedifferent · 25/06/2024 21:38

We did a weeks honeymoon when our first was about 18 months. He stayed with both sets of grandparents (they did half the week each) I fretted about him the whole week but when we got back I swear he didn't even realise we had gone! Haha! Go for it and don't waste time worrying like I did 😂

Grah · 25/06/2024 22:09

katyb84 · 25/06/2024 21:23

Yes that response tells me everything , thinks mums and dads are disgusting for having some time alone , perfectly fine with berating and calling other kids names .

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😚

cockadoodledandy · 26/06/2024 12:03

9’months for an actual holiday but she’d been staying away with grandparents one night a week since she was a few weeks old (and still does today at age 8).

cottoncandy260 · 27/06/2024 22:23

Charlierae · 18/06/2024 10:02

I think it’s really unfair to say that people who want to go away, are “throwing their kids away”.

i had my children young- my parents weren’t able to help and I didn't have the option of my children being with grandparents- then my dad died when my ds was 5 and my dd was 2. My mum now often says she wishes she had a closer relationship with them, and if I’m honest I wish they had been able to see and spend more time with my dad.

As a result, I am really available for my grandchildren. I love taking them away and doing things with them- with and without their parents. And it’s okay to want time away from your children- it’s okay to go to a wedding where kids aren’t invited. It’s okay to have a romantic night, or weekend away. You don’t have the right to judge someone who chooses to do that, even if you didn’t make the same choice. That’s not because we are a “throwaway society”. It’s because it takes a village. Being knackered, stressed and having a relationship that’s folding because you don’t have any time together doesn’t make you a good parent. It makes you a martyr.

Look at history. Families have supported caring for children for thousands of years. The whole notion that you can’t and shouldn’t leave them is actually relatively new and without any evidence that it’s better.
She’s not going off for a fortnight on a cruise- it’s a break!

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Was going to say exactly the same thing! Having a small insular nuclear family where no one but the parents look after their children is a completely modern Westernised construct.

Having other close loving family members to look after your children is entirely normal, natural and has been done since time began. Claiming that those who go away for just 3 nights in 3 years don’t love their children as much as you do because you’ve NEVER been away from them in 21 years is the most puerile, mistaken, insecure nonsense I’ve ever read.

If going away for a weekend helps revitalise a relationship, makes you appreciate all that you’ve got and reenergises you to be the best mother you can be on your return, why on earth wouldn’t you want to do it?! No one’s handing out medals at the end for those of you that clocked up the most nights with your darling offspring.How the fuck has this now turned into a competition?

Edingril · 27/06/2024 22:39

Our baby was less than a year old, they were fine we missed them but we were fine

Charlierae · 27/06/2024 23:35

Grah · 18/06/2024 16:00

It's not new. My parents didn't leave me to go off on holidays, nor did their parents. In fact the whole family went away, grandparents as well.
"It's a break" you say. Yeah, a break from her kid. I don't need and don't want a 'break' away from my kids. We are a unit and we do things together. As I said before, I wouldn't enjoy being away from them as I'd miss them too much. And if you think I'm a 'martyr' for wamting to be with my kids you must have and know some insufferable kids!!!
Perhaps that's why all my critics on here want to leave their kids? Are they all little brats? 🤣🤣🤣

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I’m going to be honest- I imagine you are insufferable as a parent. You sound suffocating. How on earth are you teaching your children any life skills or how to be away from you? You could literally be hit by a bus tomorrow and they wouldn’t have a clue what to do without you! That’s not parenting for them- that’s being really selfish.

my children are amazing- and yes, I know some pretty tricky ones and some amazing ones. I know some who are really sick and need huge amounts of care. I know that because I have worked with all of those families and thousands of kids in some pretty awful circumstances.

so, in the nicest possible way, I really think your opinions are hurtful, judgemental and could actually cause someone real anxiety for letting their children stay in a safe place with people who love them so they can have some lovely relationship time together.

Oh and just for clarity- there are lots of things I love to do with my partner when the kids aren’t around that I would definitely not want the kids to be part of. As a result we have an amazing relationship, have great kids (in our lovely blended family) who always come to us first when they need anything- even though we sometimes did and do stuff without them.

Love and attachment isn’t about being there all the time- it’s about teaching separation, safe return and therefore building resilience. Because hanging into your kids and not
letting them explore actually isn’t that great for them!

But that is entirely your choice, you are entitled to make it, they are your kids and what you do is up to you. I don’t think saying someone shouldn’t leave their kids and if they do it’s because they are terrible kids or terrible parents could be seen as helpful or even advice- just a fairly unpleasant judgement.

Harry12345 · 28/06/2024 09:48

cottoncandy260 · 27/06/2024 22:23

Was going to say exactly the same thing! Having a small insular nuclear family where no one but the parents look after their children is a completely modern Westernised construct.

Having other close loving family members to look after your children is entirely normal, natural and has been done since time began. Claiming that those who go away for just 3 nights in 3 years don’t love their children as much as you do because you’ve NEVER been away from them in 21 years is the most puerile, mistaken, insecure nonsense I’ve ever read.

If going away for a weekend helps revitalise a relationship, makes you appreciate all that you’ve got and reenergises you to be the best mother you can be on your return, why on earth wouldn’t you want to do it?! No one’s handing out medals at the end for those of you that clocked up the most nights with your darling offspring.How the fuck has this now turned into a competition?

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perfectly said

Going away without DC - what age?

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