Going away without DC - what age?

[Haveli]

It's our 5 year wedding anniversary this year and we are considering a city break just the 2 of us. However we have DD (almost 3) who has only ever spent 1 day/night away from us both at a time so not sure if it's too soon to leave her with Grandma for a few days?

My mum is super keen, and we are looking at midweek so she will keep her nursery routine but just have evenings and nights with Grandma for 3 days.

Is 3 too young to do this? DH goes away with work all the time so he thinks it's fine but not sure if I'm just feeling mum guilt or if it's really fine! DH and I don't get to spend much time just the two of us so it would be really nice for us.

What age were your DC when you both first left them for a few days?

Why have kids when you don't want to include them in your holidays? Only time I've been away from my two is when I've been in hospital. So yeah, too young.

I had my first at 21 and have a 10 year old who might not leave home until 18/20, I’ll be in mid 50s and my mobility is poor from my pregnancies, should I wait from 21 to 55 to have a night away with partner? It’s important to still have your own life

what a ridiculous thing to say

Our daughter stayed overnight with my parents at 3 weeks, and has stayed one night a week ever since. They take her away for a few days every summer while we have a short break by ourselves.

Completely agree.

My grandchildren have a brilliant time with us- and us with them. Why wouldn’t you let them have that experience!

it’s really important to make time for each other, as well as the children! If someone else is able to have a wonderful time with your kids and you get time together- use it. And bloody enjoy it! I can promise you, it’s all much bloody harder when they’ve all eventually left home!

She’ll be fine with grandma.

My eldest we left when he was about 20 months for 3 nights whilst we went away for my husbands 40th. We now have a 3.5 year old and 15 month old and will be leaving them with grandparents for 3 nights in August whilst we go to London for the bank holiday weekend. My eldest used to have occasional overnights from when I went back to work due to me and DH having occasional conflicting shift work so he was used to staying for 1 night at a time already. With my youngest he’s had nights here and there staying over from being about 7 months old (I was admitted to hospital the first time he stayed so we didn’t even have time to prepare for it!), he’s always been fine too and loves staying over although August will be the first time that is longer than 1 night, he’ll be just 18 months then but he’ll be with his brother too.

Mine are 12 and 14 and we haven't left them,

Mainly because we can't afford a holiday but if we could have just the one obviously it wouldn't be fair to not include them.

Mine were 16.. when l went away for a weekend .
Younger when l had to stay in hospital..but my Mum fetched them to sew me . I just couldn't justify an holiday without them.

Why? Because I want to spend time with my kids? I bet you're someone who can't wait for the kids to go back to school after the holidays as well 🙄.
I spent holiday time with my husband before kids. We are a family unit and love doing things together. I love visiting new places, seeing new things with my kids and would not enjoy being away without them. My parents would have never dreamt of going away without me and my siblings and I feel the same. I seriously don't understand people who have kids and then spend the next 18 years trying to get away from them.
Perhaps this is why my 22 yr old still wants to holiday with us? He knows we love and appreciate his company and haven't tried to kennel him like a dog for the past 22 yrs!!!
There is nothing I would want to do with my husband on a holiday without the kids. But hey, my kids are my everything.

Spending time with loving grandparents is not ‘kenneling your children like a dog’ what a ridiculous thing to say

I have such happy memories of spending time with my gran when I was young. We had a close relationship. What a shame if kids don’t get to experience that. For many it’s really a win/win. If that doesn’t work for your family then fine but don’t berate others.

I remember staying with my granny and loving it. She spoiled me and we had a lot of fun.

Mum left me a small present to open every morning, to keep me occupied that day- e.g. colouring book and crayons.

Folks had a lovely few days away
Nobody felt excluded or unwanted

I spent my entire childhood living with my grandparents every summer since the age of 2. My parents would drop me off in June and pick me up end of August. I absolutely loved it, my grandparents loved it, we have great memories. I will add, before people on here become horrified, that my grandparents were both in their mid 40s. Granny worked during the day and could take me to work with her sometimes. Grandad worked nights so they shared childcare. They lived by the beach 300 miles away from my parents so daily drop offs in school holidays weren't an option.

@Grah

I couldn't enjoy it either.

🙄

We included DT’s in amazing holidays around the world. Didn’t mean that DH couldn’t have our own time together. I also worked away for a few days every month or so.

My kids spent time with their grandparents, but not so me and husband could go off on a jolly and leave them overnight.
I would miss my kids terribly if I left them overnight, as I still do when my eldest goes away. As I said, my kids mean the world to me and I want to spend as much quality time as I can with them. A holiday wouldn't be a holiday without them and I'm grateful my eldest still wants to come away with us each year. September is still the worst month of the year for me when they go back to school/uni after having them with me all summer. My husband feels exactly the same, but it's probably because our parents didn't abandon us at the drop of a hat. I suppose in this 'throw away' society dumping your kids on someone else shouldn't be surprising 🤷‍♀️

I think it’s really unfair to say that people who want to go away, are “throwing their kids away”.

i had my children young- my parents weren’t able to help and I didn't have the option of my children being with grandparents- then my dad died when my ds was 5 and my dd was 2. My mum now often says she wishes she had a closer relationship with them, and if I’m honest I wish they had been able to see and spend more time with my dad.

As a result, I am really available for my grandchildren. I love taking them away and doing things with them- with and without their parents. And it’s okay to want time away from your children- it’s okay to go to a wedding where kids aren’t invited. It’s okay to have a romantic night, or weekend away. You don’t have the right to judge someone who chooses to do that, even if you didn’t make the same choice. That’s not because we are a “throwaway society”. It’s because it takes a village. Being knackered, stressed and having a relationship that’s folding because you don’t have any time together doesn’t make you a good parent. It makes you a martyr.

Look at history. Families have supported caring for children for thousands of years. The whole notion that you can’t and shouldn’t leave them is actually relatively new and without any evidence that it’s better.
She’s not going off for a fortnight on a cruise- it’s a break!

I’d better update my happy well adjusted young adult DT’s that we abandoned them and threw them away when they were younger!

First left DS for 2 nights at 11m old for a wedding, with my mum. Left him for a full week at 21m old so we could go skiing.

Loving the insane hyperbole that anyone who goes on holiday without their kids doesn't love them and has abandoned them. My son and my mum have a wonderful relationship, it has absolutely not harmed him to have spent that time with her, and going on an occasional child-free holiday is not the same as kenneling them like a dog or wishing your time away with them.

I also spent a week with Grandparents in the holidays every year growing up, and granted it was so my parents didn't have to take time off work but what's the difference? It's time away from your children.

Good luck OP, I hope you have a lovely holiday!

What the hell are you on about? You sound unhinged! How dare you say that to me! I spend all my spare time with my children since the age of 21! I am now in my 40s with a 10 year old, I take them to gym, play, parks, swimming, I’m just back a weekend with my oldest child! I love the holidays and go numerous holidays with my children, going away a weekend with my partner on a trip they wouldn’t enjoy whilst they spend time with the best grandparents ever isn’t bad! Get a life! Lols

And also all family’s are like yours, I didn’t get a lot of time with my partner pre children and my mobility is deteriorating so I am enjoying what I can now. I miss my older children too but you sound insufferable! You can spend time with and without your kids you know!

I think the 'right' answer to this question is completely variable dependent on the families circumstances. You know your child best and whether she is likely to manage that time away from you both, and what her relationship with her Grandmother is like.

However if you're strongly feeling Mum guilt at even the thought of going, I would suggest that it may indicate you may not relax/enjoy the trip without her. But I would make the call on your own assessment of the situation ultimately.

Hello, me and my husband are going to a wedding abroad for 4 nights, leaving 5yo and will be then a 8mo with grandparents. I wouldn’t have dreamed of doing this with first DS, but now I’m like I actually need a break 🤣. Also 5yo is not good as staying away, probably because I never let him! So made a rod for my own back there, I think go for it and enjoy it, your little one will be just fine. It’s only a few days xx

It's not new. My parents didn't leave me to go off on holidays, nor did their parents. In fact the whole family went away, grandparents as well.
"It's a break" you say. Yeah, a break from her kid. I don't need and don't want a 'break' away from my kids. We are a unit and we do things together. As I said before, I wouldn't enjoy being away from them as I'd miss them too much. And if you think I'm a 'martyr' for wamting to be with my kids you must have and know some insufferable kids!!!
Perhaps that's why all my critics on here want to leave their kids? Are they all little brats? 🤣🤣🤣

@Grah did you let themgo on school residential, Scout camps etc? Or just a sleepover with friends?