Your son is your son until he finds a wife

[OhLaurie]

How apt is this for modern day life?

I remember my MIL used to say this many years ago. Not in a mean way as she was lovely, we got on well and I would always include my in-laws in many family events etc but I suppose my dh did spend more time at my family home when we were younger, rather than at his family home (we have been together since the age of 17).

My mum’s best friend (who has two grown ds) says a similar thing. My parents have two daughters and we are all close still. My mum’s other bf has a son and daughter and is much closer to her daughter than her son and I notice, in the lives of most of my couple friends, the women are more closer to their parents (or at least spend more time with them) than the males.

My ds is almost 19 and has had a girlfriend. Slowly he is spending more and more time round her family home than ours. It sadness me a little as we’ve always had a good family relationship but she is a nice girl and I’m happy that he is happy, as parents that’s all we can wish for I suppose.

If you have teen or grown sons with partners, what has been your experience? Does the saying ‘Your son is your son until he finds a wife’ apply to your life?

it is nonsense.

It’s posted on here weekly and it’s obviously bollocks. A lot of women choose to expect less from their sons than their daughters. It’s not compulsory.

It's a load of bollocks. I had a really good relationship with my Mum right up until she died, and we saw her more than my DPs parents.

If your son is spending more time at his girlfriends parents than yours, then I'd try and work out why they're so much more comfortable there than at yours. It may be as simple as convenience (bigger room, closer to work / uni, better snacks) or it may be something more serious. Had my Dad still been living with us by the time I first got a girlfriend, then I'd definitely have spend more time at my girlfriends, because my Dad was a dick.

I had never come across this phrase until seeing it on MN a few years ago, and I don't know anybody who would say this in real life. It's not true at all for anyone that I know.

My DH is better at staying in contact with his mother than I am with mine. He contacts all of his family, and we spend time with them just as much as with mine. It seems like a really really old-fashioned view, that expects men to be emotionally stunted, and pitches daughter in laws against mother in laws in a sexist way too.

It's honestly just a saying. It all depends on the individual and their relationship with their parents.
Not every single guy is going to go cold on their family just because they're in a relationship.
My husband is actually closer to his mum since I arrived on the scene as I encouraged him to spend more time with her.

We have always had a lovely relationship as a family (still have). No step parents and dh and I are still together after 35 years. We very much like his gf and have a laugh with her. She is welcome to stay whenever she wants to and often does but slowly he is spending more time over at hers. I think she has a very tight relationship with her mother as she has a health condition which has meant they spent a lot of time together over the years, so maybe it’s just that.

I’m not sad or angry about it, it’s life, our dc grow up and live their own life’s. I will always love my dd and they have a home here when and if they ever need one but just wondered what other people’s experiences are with their adult sons. Wonder how often they see them.

Bollocks in my experience. We have sons. They spend loads of time with us. We all get on well and have great chats and laughs.

On the whole I'd say it was accurate more often than not.

Men are just generally lazy people who can't be arsed to do the social/family stuff and are happy for it not to be done.

I will say as well that I think young men are likely to distance themselves from their families more than women. I remember back in university, (way back in the days before Whatsapp etc., when only some of us even had mobiles), the guys in our friend group would happily go weeks without contacting our parents, and often had to be practically dragged home for Christmas / Easter breaks, whereas the women would call home weekly, and sometimes went home for a weekend during term time.

Anecdotal evidence with a small sample size of course, and I'm obviously generalising here, but I do think that young men value a bit of distance from their parents. It's nothing to do with the fact we've found a girlfriend or a wife, we just need to feel like we're striking out on our own (even if really it Mummy and Daddy paying for our accommodation and uni fees etc.)

I've a DS and DD and I'd say 100% when my DS lived at home unless out with friends it was our house that he and his GF's spent most of their time.

Empty nester now, live roughly the same distance apart from both DC but it's my DS that comes here on a regular basis some times with his GF and DC sometimes on his own.

So I'd say for me the saying wasn't true.

Seems to depend on on the man’s personality and more signifigantly his relationship with his parents. If he was raised as the golden child with every done for him then the relationship is all about what they can get out of the situation and then their less likely to be around unless they want some thing.

I’ve heard this too. But am wondering what position this puts the daughter in.
some men would be lazy and disinterested.

When I was a teenager I spent way more time at my boyfriend’s house than we did at my house. His parents were very generous, easy going, fun to be around, the food there was delicious and plentiful, I got on really well with his siblings, we all went on holiday together a few times, all paid for by his parents. My parents used to complain that I spent so much time there. So I don’t think it was anything to do with gender/sons/daughters as much as which family/home is the most relaxing and fun to be in.

It’s a load of bollocks. It all comes down to how you raise your children and their personality.

This is the nonsense my MIL came out with, because she saw me as competition. She would have loved for DH to stay single and live at home forever. Meeting someone, having a job that took him away was not part of her life plan. She wanted him available.

Opposite with my kids 😂
I am still close to ds despite him having a partner and kids, we still do things together and speak every week

dd1 although we are still close, I barely see her and don’t speak much ( but when we do we speak for hours) her life is her partner.

i don’t mind, she’s done so well for herself and she lives in Scotland too now. I do miss her though

This. DS is only 12, but he sees his father actively engaging with his parents on a regular basis, seeing them briefly most weekdays when he’s not travelling for work, and will grow up seeing that as normal, and that your chromosomes/genitals don’t determine whether or not you maintain a good relationship with your parents in adulthood.

For the vast number of Mners’ sons, on the other hand, who grow up seeing their mothers bustling around doing the family stuff because men are ‘useless’ and can’t remember birthdays and need prompting to phone their mothers, I imagine the ‘prophecy’ may well be true.

It's old nonsense. I'm still very close to my 2 son's who are adults and that won't change. If you are nice to your adult DC they want to come to visit you. You just accept their partners are important to them and treat their partners with respect and well too. Then they have no reason to turn your son against you. I think some women don't treat their DiL as well as their daughters so that's how it starts.

No he isn't!

Rubbish.

My SIL is on the phone with his parents at least daily and goes out of his way to help them.

I can’t imagine our loving son suddenly dropping us, either.

Not true here either. My husband sees his parents much more than his sister does. He takes our child to visit weekly. I see my parents about 4 times a year, but we do FaceTime. It’s due to location mainly. My brother speaks to our parents regularly, possibly more than me.

His parents are lovely people and we look forward to seeing them, but I leave all the arranging to him. It depends on the individual, how they’ve been brought up, how they’ve been shaped by society, not the sex of the person.

This comes up on here all the time and I hate it as I have two sons.

However, my husband sees his parents far more than I see mine, even though mine are four minutes away.

My brothers see my parents more often than I do, too.

My ds is 20 and going out with a girl 3 years now. Of course you see less of them and their priorities change but he’s still my son and that will never change. And mil did not lose her son when he married me! Nonsense.

Irish men are mammies boyz 4 lyfe. So it definitely doesn't apply to to them.*

*yes, it's a sweeping generalisation, there are exceptions, but in general...

It’s been true for the vast majority of men in my family - a combination of them being useless at keeping in touch and/or being weak and allowing their wives to domineer to the detriment of their relationships.