What's the hardest thing you/your family have been through and survived?

[wwydhvr]

Interested to hear stories of resilience and perseverance and coming out the other side still standing.

I just want to give everyone a big hug - I have been troubled by some issues but it just pales in comparison to the posts on here. Really puts things into perspective and makes me cherish what I have and my love ones more

My son has autism and was diagnosed with cancer at age 25. My daughter at university had a breakdown,was suicidal but with appropriate therapies and lots of love both have survived and thrived

I'm so sorry for all of you and I'm astounded by the resilience of many to keep going.

My family, not me (I experienced communism but not the worst terrors of it):

World War 2 and communism:

• My Nan and her sister hiding in tall grass from the SS, watching them execute everyone working in the field.
• My Nan watching her best friend (Jewish) being mauled to death by two dogs set on her by two passing SSmen. My Nan and her friend were 6 or 7
• My Granddad supporting a family of 6 by being a goat shepherd. He was 10. The family starved but survived the War on nettle soup and dry bread skins picked from the streets and other people’s garbage
• My Great Grandmother risking her life sneaking into the potato field at night to get some potatoes for my Nan and her sister. My Great Grandad was in Resistance and he was wanted by the nazis so the whole family had to hide.
• The same Great Grandmother bravely defending her husband from being found out and sent to Auschwitz by throwing a towel over his head and shouting ‘typhoid typhoid!’ when SS suddenly barged into their home (some c**t must have tipped them off). The nazis were terrified of typhoid and promptly left.
• my Mum getting up at 3am to queue so that I could have an egg or a slice of ham for breakfast (shops opened at 6am but we had rations until the very end and there was never enough of anything). She worked full time.
• Mum almost losing her job because I mentioned the ‚wrong’ Great Grandfather fighting the nazis (the one I mentioned fought both against the nazis and the commies- he paid for it with his life after the war)
• My Grandfather losing his job and livelihood for speaking against the communist regime

I could go on ;) Apart from my Great Grandparents, the whole family survived WW2 and communism, we were lucky.

I’ll be forever grateful for their bravery. And for giving me a sense of perspective.

Sexual abuse as a child
parental cover up for abuser
family going along with cover up - a lot of superiority and narcissistic traits across the family obviously the abuser but others too
Dhs father absolute raging narcissist all sorts of abuse growing up and fall out from that
NC with family members some I would have considered myself close to for self preservation and DHs father too
Ongoing family dysfunction means we have to use pretty rigid boundaries a lot.

We are still going strong, doing things massively differently to how we were raised and having a great time having worked hard to recover. Eternally grateful for the life I have. Lovely husband, wonderful children, beautiful home, job I love. Hard won mental health. Confident if God does exist I won’t ever have to worry about any of these people
in the afterlife 🤣🤣. Enormous gratitude.

Dad died when I was 6. It destroyed the family. My mum suffered from complex grief, my sister turned narcissistic, I was left to get on with it. Family life was never the same and I’m now basically nc with them both for my own mh.

As a result of the above I avoid relationships (people leave one way or another). I had years of therapy, and was often surprised how my therapist reacted to accounts of mum’s behaviour. Apparently what I think is normal isn’t. A suicide attempt led to the therapy.

I was groomed in my teens, luckily nothing too bad happened but it was bad enough. And raped in my 30s.

As a result my pets are my family and I grieve them more than I do humans. My pets have never let me down.

Both my patents were alcoholics and not emotionally mature enough to be parents when I grew up. There was domestic violence in the household and childhood neglect. I survived of course but have been left with CPTSD and a whole range of unhealthy coping mechanisms. 🤣

My son being diagnosed with cancer and passing away 2 weeks before his 21st birthday.
I definitely don't feel part of the family anymore.

Losing my DF and DM 10 weeks apart and my MIL less than 3 months after that - all in their 60s so not that old, though equally not that young. During covid so added complexity about visiting, restrictions etc so we didn't all get to say goodbye properly.

I had no choice but to keep going - to keep looking after my children, to sort out their funerals and estates, to return to work. And I did. I've had to work through my feelings about the lack of support from my siblings who left me to sort everything out.

Family based trauma from grandfather's WW2 experience. He had PTSD and clearly was undiagnosed with some sort of personality disorder. Lovely, lovely man but hyperactivity, took risks and ended up losing a lot as a result. The knock on impacts for the family from that from childhood onwards. And more recently the realisation many of us are neurodivergent and all the clarity about the behaviour I saw and normalised was definitely not normal.

Grew up poor. Parents skipping meals heating off all year poor.

Bullied at school

Relative sent to prison for horrendous things (see above, all related) and the fallout from that including attempted suicide and mental health inpatient treatment for other family members.

Lost babies, one at 20 weeks.

Pretty sure I am neurodiverse but never had diagnosis and GP doesn't seem to want to listen. Trying to work out which bits of my thinking are my personality and which are actually a weird brain. Realising also that the school bullying etc was partly because I struggle in those sort of environments.

You just have to keep plodding onwards. And count your blessings every day. A gratitude journal was a turning point for me a few years ago when everything seemed overwhelming. I am so lucky to have the life and little family I do, and I try to remember that every day. Find "glimmers" daily and stop to smell the roses.

My mum met and married a paedophile, and we had to cut her off to keep our dc safe....though not before she facilitated contact between him and our dc. While I have no reason to suspect they were ever harmed, realistically, I'll never know 100% and I have to live with that for the rest of my life. On top of that, the decision to go NC has triggered years of harassment and attempts at manipulation. My children, except the eldest who understand to an extent what happened, have been shielded from it, but it just about broke me being the buffer between them. She doesn't know where we live anymore (thankfully), but still finds ways to contact me electronically. Sadly, it will be easier in a lot of ways when she's dead.

Dad died when I was a young child.
SA attempted and actual from a grandparent in young teens.
Had to try to protect myself and my sister as mum was in denial.
Mum was dating a coercive controlling man at the time and we stayed at grandparents regularly at weekends.
In my infinite wisdom as a teen I get pregnant at 16, sort of by accident sort of because I feel abandoned and want to create a family again.
Mum pushes me into having an abortion.
Despite this being a few weeks prior to GCSE's I sit them and gain good passes.
The abortion has long term psychological damage but I slowly recover though have always felt very sad about it.
She married the bastard boyfriend and the control became worse and worse over the years.
I have a child, he ends up having multiple SEND. This is something we can deal with but the endless failings and gaslighting from the LA, some people at the schools and some NHS departments almost cracks my mental health.
I develop chronic fatigue when DS is 3.

Despite all this I have been lucky enough to have had some wonderful friends, relationships and a stable job. I very nearly own a property outright. I have never been hungry or cold. I have never been in danger of my life or had depression (though I do get general anxiety and no bloody wonder really).

I have always felt as if in many ways I have had a fortunate life, for example a very happy early childhood up to age 9 and 2 loving and attentive parents and a stable relationship with a sibling. A great primary school. A small town with plenty of green space around, and good friends growing up.

I think this has stood me in good stead. There was a great thread on here a while back about what factors enable some people to survive despite adverse life events and others to succumb to complete breakdowns (though people can and do recover from these obviously) or addictions etc. Interesting to see protective factors like even just one stable adult in your life if you had childhood trauma could mean make or break.

Lost my DM when I was 30
Dsis diagnosed with breast cancer at 33
DF diagnosed with Lewys Body dementia Parkinson’s early 60’s and died at 66
Dniece diagnosed with major heart murmur at 2yrs old and had open heart surgery at age 12.
Other DSis neuro surgery to remove benign tumour which can lead to further cancers (bit of a ticking time bomb)
DFIL had catastrophic stroke during pandemic and died 18mnths later
I was diagnosed with breast cancer mid 2 yrs ago
DH had a major stroke ( DFIL is his stepfather so not related) 2 mnths after I completed cancer treatment.
DSis who had breast cancer in her 30s has survived 22yrs but recently diagnosed with Parkinson’s

Add to that my DF lost his mother when he was 3 days old , post partum complication and DH’s father died of endocarditis when DH was 2 ( his DF was 25).

We never really sit down as a family and bemoan our history. Life is for living.

You develop a particular resilience to whatever life throws at you and build a coping mechanism.
My families history is probably no different to many others. And throughout we had a happy supportive environment so I feel very lucky compare to other PP on this thread.
Support from my parents when we were young ensured that we have all enjoyed high level of education and professional careers. We have been lucky in other ways if not in health matters. You can’t have it all, and you need to just enjoy what life does throw at you.

Oh I forgot about multiple mc , and years of fertility treatment, the result of endometriosis. But we eventually had DS who had been an utter joy.

@Alltheyearround would you have a link to that thread maybe? :)

@DucklingSwimmingInstructress I will have a look at my watch list history maybe it's in there. If I find I will post a link. It was very thought provoking.

Thank you, I'd be very interested. I lost a lot in childhood, like many of the posters here, and it's been impossible to fully recover.

Dd died. Somehow, through DH always being there, counselling and running, we made it through the next 5 years and now live a relatively happy life. I didn’t think I would survive.

Not me but I have just read My Sister Milly by Gemma Dowler. I'm in awe of how the family have coped with the horrific and brutal abduction, rape and murder of their lovely girl Milly. It made me think about resilience, life, love and how strong the instinct for survival is. Trigger warning, there is some horrific content if any of you haven't read it.

Drug gang raped. ( Anus and vaginal with kitchen utensils)
Gave me gonorrhea. Gave me PID../ adhesions .. 26 operations.
Ex threw me under a bus and left me for dead.. he got jailed for attempted murder.
I was left horrifically disabled.
My next partner committed suicide over the death of his mother.
Lost both parents young.( younger than l am now).
Just lost my sister last month.
Been in and out of psychiatric hospitals.
Still seeing a psychologist.
Thank goodness for the love of my very close family.

I just want to say you sound so brave. No one should have to be strong. The world shouldn’t be so evil and cruel but when it is and it has been for you, your courage really comes through.

@Moier I remember you from previous threads on similar topics (maybe you were on the one about what helped us survive?)

Just wanted to say I have so much respect for you and I wish you happiness and recovery after everything that has happened. No one should have to go through what you have suffered. Was there ever any justice over the rapes?

Listening to 'Life Changing' on R4, the twin sisters involved in the crocodile attack in Mexico were talking about how you are more than the things that have happened to you.

Recommended listening for anyone on this thread - some of the episodes are very moving on how people have dealt/are dealing with trauma. I find it really insightful.