My son was attacked. Please help me write a complaint to the school

[PurpleBugz]

I’m very emotional over this and need some help to word a complaint as the way I’m feeling I will just rant and I need this to be taken seriously.

I have an autistic 7 year old son. He has no school place currently. Today we were at the farm park in the soft play area. There were schools there on school trips. I was settling baby to sleep in the buggy and did not see it happening.

My son tells me he was in the soft play just sitting in a specific area he likes to sit in sometimes. Some boys from a school trip came and started building a castle with the blocks in the area he was in and told him he was being mean because he was in their castle. (Side note the blocks are from the toddler area and should not have been taken on the large frame). A girl from the school said she was going to get a teacher to stop them being mean (it’s not clear from what my son said if she was telling on my son or on the boys being mean to him. I’m aware for these boys to describe my son as mean there may be more to this story than I’ve been told. However my son is autistic and he experienced it as these boys came up to him and started being mean he says he didn’t do anything he was just not leaving an area they wanted him to leave. He does usually own up to provoking others so I do believe that he believes the story he has told me).

Anyway a member of staff arrived and told the boys “let’s do what he asks and leave him alone”. So I know an adult saw my child in distress asking to be left alone and told these kids to leave. The kids pretended to leave the area. The teacher then left the area. The boys came immediately back and attacked my son. He says there were 4 of them. He’s not being clear what was involved in the attacking but he has bitten through his lip and had a gushing nose bleed. The first I knew of it was my son coming running up to me covered in blood and crying. I calmed him down asked what happened and at that point he said some kids had attacked him I asked which kids and he said he didn’t know but they were wearing the school uniform. I took my son over to staff from this school and said my son says he has been attacked by children from your school. The staff member said it wasn’t children from their school as the kids from their school had come over to tell them there was a kid in soft play with a nose bleed. I took my boy to the toilet to clean him up and he vomited from how distressed he was. He wanted to leave and was scared to even walk past any children in that uniform. There was enough blood to soak through his jumper top and trousers.

I get kids get over excited and rough in soft play. I also understand my child doesn’t always read a situation correctly and there is a good chance he was annoying these kids trying to join in with their game when they did not want him to. If I had been made aware of the situation I could have distracted my child. He was unsupervised by me for less that 5 minutes while I attended to baby. I’m absolutely furious at the reaction of the school staff. My child has school trauma, he was picked on for being different when he was at school and had violent meltdowns as he struggled so much meaning he was restrained and traumatised. He’s had no school place for almost 3 years while I fight to get him an EHCP and acknowledged he needs a place in a special school- still no school place but one day he will have a place and be able to attend school again. He’s made massive progress at home and I’ve been trying to get him to understand when he goes back to school it will be different as they will know how to support an autistic child and instead of reacting how he does he should ask children to leave him alone and/or tell an adult he’s struggling/someone has been mean to him that way they will help him and he won’t get in trouble for the behaviour he got in trouble for before. I’m immensely proud of him that he didn’t attack these kids back or attack them when he was called annoying and mean this is massive progress for him. He did exactly as I've been teaching him to do he asked to be left alone and an adult was made aware of the situation. But on the drive home he’s sobbing begging me not to make him go back to school. I’m absolutely livid.

I spoke with the farm park staff on my way out and as it happens the staff member has seen my son every week for 2 years and knows him. He was really lovely to my boy and he said to me they have cctv so they will check that to see what happened but there is not much they can do really. I just feel the school should do something. They were in uniform so I know which school it was. My child’s story has an adult involved at one point so the school will be able to identify which children did this. I feel there should be a consequence they can’t be allowed to physically attack another child without consequences. They need to be taught if a child annoys them get an adult not beat them up. Even if it’s just a firm conversation with these kids that is better that nothing.

As you can see from this post I use a lot more words than needed to get a point across. I don’t want my email to school not to be taken seriously because of how I write. I also want to acknowledge my child is autistic and may have misunderstood but don’t want it dismissed as his fault because he is autistic as always happens when he was bullied at school previously. regardless of what provoked the situation you do t attack another child. It wasn’t just a shove to cause the injures my son has.

Can anyone help me with wording? Am I handling this the right way?
Thanks!

I haven’t read every thread on this but I’m a teacher - coincidentally led a trip to a farm park two weeks ago and let my class play in the soft play.
Get straight onto the school in the morning and speak to a senior member of staff .
if that was my school I’d be expected to be called in for a discussion and a dressing down if my children had behaved like that . To be honest I’d have been straight into the phone to school from the trip
I would expect the head to speak to those involved and offer a fulsome apology with appropriate consequences for children and the staff supervising them
anything less than that is unacceptable

Well if they’re under 10 the Police can’t do anything. However it wasn’t just a scuffle. This was not just a push and shove scenario which happens kids a thousand times a day. The poor child was attacked and they drew blood.

I second this.

@PurpleBugz I'm going to send you a message love x

It’s also a typical injury of someone falling over. Police won’t get involved, children are well below the age.
Unfortunately, mum should have been supervising her son, just as much as school should have been supervising the kids. Video will probably prove 6 of 1 and half a dozen of the other.

Maybe. Let’s hope she can get some answers because that would be good, wouldn’t it?

That's not true.

Her son is on the CCTV and you have the right to request footage in the UK.

www.cctvaware.com/general/a-guide-to-requesting-cctv-footage-in-the-uk

Jesus 😂I assume they're under 10 years old so under the age of criminal responsibility in England.
Honestly.

If it were my DC, my priority would be to get the CCTV, OP. You need to know exactly what happened - by watching the video. As a PP said, putting a tooth through a lip sounds more like a fall injury. Could it be that your son was previously teased or bullied by the children, then tried to get away from them when they came back and fell? Some children of that age (not just autistic children) will genuinely feel the other children hurt them in a scenario like that, even though the children didn’t touch them. My own child has done similar to a sibling - run away during an argument, fallen, then returned to scream at the sibling ‘for hurting them’.

How hard would a 7/8yr old have to hit another child of the same age to cause a nosebleed and put a tooth through a lip? Or are you saying they hit your son with a soft play block? I really think you need to see what happened yourself. If your son was hit/attacked, then send an email to the Head of that school detailing what happened and the fact it’s on CCTV. I would be expecting an apology from the school and the children involved, but only if they were at fault - which is why you need to check.

It sounds as if he was inserting himself into a social situation where he was not wanted and didn't back off when warned. He gets to tell the other boys to leave him alone, but they don't get to tell him the same thing?

It's hard because he obviously can't help whatever it is he does that annoys or provokes other children but it sounds as if he has form for it. If you know which school it is you could phone the head or write a letter and ask that he/she has a word with the year group on the trip about being more tolerant of difference, but beyond that, with no proof and no witnesses to exactly what happened, I'd just put it behind you.

And perhaps supervise your child a bit better in future to make sure he's not doing things that will annoy or provoke them to the point they want to react physically.

@Hatfullofwillow it is true

Perhaps read your own link 😂

No he did not 'insert' himself. he was in the area first the children came up to him. I know this because i was mostly supervising and had seen him in that area not doing anything wrong just minutes before. He wasn't blocking the play area he was sat at the edge watching the big slides as he enjoys doing this and does it a lot. The children entered the area he was in and proceeded to build a castle where he was sitting. In an area where the blocks were not even allowed. I don't know if he was trying to join their game or tell them they were breaking the rules. I don't know if he misread the situation or if it was as he said they came into the area he was told him to move and he didn't. Regardless getting attacked 4 to one should not be the result of him annoying them. It absolutely infuriates me that because my child is different and other people don't like that I'm expected to keep him away from experiences and opportunities that other children get without question. Children should be taught tolerance of difference and be taught to seek an adult if another child is causing a problem. The attitude of some people on here that think because he's autistic he should not be allowed on a soft play frame without me right there with him is quite frankly disgusting.

That's the problem with writing to the school.

If the CCTV bears out what OP's DS has said, go from there. But I wouldn't bother with a letter that will just be brushed off.

I did. You can request footage of yourself from any data handler, including the police under subject access rules.

The only things that would prevent it in this case are if the footage was being used as part of a criminal investigation or if third parties in the video have a higher than normal expectation of privacy. They don't in this case

OP before you send the email, it would be useful to sit with your son and try to get him to be more specific. Words like "they attacked me" don't actually say what happened - they are a short hand and an interpretation.
It would be much more helpful if he is able to describe what each person actually did. For example "they attacked me" could mean the 4 of them jumped on him, held him down and punched him until his nose bled (very nasty) or it could be that they returned and were chucking the blocks around being silly and one hit him in the face (unpleasant, but a different thing entirely). See if he can explain what he means when he says "attacked". Does he mean they pushed him and he fell? Something hit him? Someone hit him? Two people or three people hit him?

It's just quite unusual for a gang of 6 and 7 year old boys to deliberately "beat up" a stranger. A more likely scenario is silly overexuberance accidentally ending in him getting hurt, especially if he tried "policing" them, or a bit of mutual argy bargy and a shove which ended with your son accidentally hitting a pole of something. I just don't see a deliberate coordinated attack as the likeliest scenario.

None of this makes what happened to your son ok, because the teachers still should have investigated, but it might make your complaint more credible if you are able to explain more clearly what your son says actually happened.

"4 boys attacked my son" versus "my son says that all 4 boys were throwing blocks and when he intervened to ask them to stop, 2 of the boys shoved him and one of these boys then punched him in the nose, causing a nosebleed". Much more helpful to give the HT something to go on.

Report it. Some kids deserved to be called out for bad behaviour. They did it as they thought they would get away with it.
Say you also reported to the teacher but they did nothing
i hope your son is ok.
some kids are just nasty.

Some boys from a school trip came and started building a castle with the blocks in the area he was in and told him he was being mean because he was in their castle.

That reads to me as if they were building this 'castle' by creating an enclosed space out of blocks, and your son was trying to put himself within it, or was in some other way interfering with what they were trying to do. I can't imagine why a group of children would accuse one child on his own of being 'mean' if all he was doing was sitting still and minding his own business. Hence why I said inserting himself.

Maybe they were building the castle around him and wanted him out of "their" space?

Even if he had been getting into the middle of what they were doing that doesn't excuse them hurting him with violence. If he was bothering them that much they should have gone to a teacher or moved their building to an area he wasn't playing in. You don't cause the injuries my child has just because he annoys you. And that's beside the point. I'm asking for help on how to write a letter to the school about how their teachers dealt with it. I do understand kids get hurt sometimes and it may have been an accident. Even if it was an accident I still feel these children should have been spoken to by staff to determine what happened. The staff literally said to me I front of my child it wasn't their kids without even speaking to their children. That is what has me so angry

There is a slight issue with the DS’s story. There was a teacher there. The dc accused went off with the teacher but allegedly came back. All of them. So didn’t the teacher or teachers realise they were missing? The teacher had only just scooped them up. This is the big issue for me. Did they come back? Would most teachers not keep an eye on the dc because the teacher knew your DS wasn’t happy and seems to have been protective about his “area”?

Even if what you are accusing him of is true, which it isn't, that wouldn't justify him being beaten up, would it?

You are the sort of person who makes the Mumsnet "be respectful" rule very difficult to follow.

@PurpleBugz These dc are only 6 or 7 do you think? Are they thinking like an adult? Almost certainly not. They are very young children themselves. Probably y2. I’d be surprised if KS2 children went to soft play on a school trip.

Is there a strong possibility it wasn’t their pupils because the pupils were actually with the teachers. Why on earth do you think the teachers would lie? Why don’t you believe them? They are adults in a professional job after all.

Yes exactly. And this all happened in less than 5 minutes. I would expect that teacher to be able to say what they saw. Also the girl who went to get the teacher obviously could say what she was getting the teacher for. I didn't know a teacher had been involved until the car drive home. The teacher I spoke to was obviously a different teacher had she gone and asked the teacher supervising that area we would likely know what habit she just said it wasn't children from their school. Even if it wasn't children from the school she didn't check just said it didn't happen in front of a distressed blooded child

The teacher who I spoke to was sat at the other end of the frame away from where it happened. I just spoke to the nearest teacher from that school I didn't think to go and speak to the teacher nearest the area it happened in. That teacher could not possibly have seen what happened she was sat there the whole time. She had no idea what happened she just said kids from her school had come and told her someone on the frame had a nosebleed so it wasn't children from her school that did it

You are assuming some of these dc did it though. I can assure you most teachers would be aware of a snuffle or altercation. You don’t really know who saw what. We do know you saw nothing. Also if dc was attacked wouldn’t he cry and scream? Are you saying neither you nor any teacher heard that? Sounds a bit implausible to me. You do think the teachers are lying though and unprofessional.