How to respond to comments about toddler DD's appearance?

[chronicnamechanger2]

This isn't meant to be a humblebrag or a wind-up. My toddler daughter is very beautiful. People go out of their way to comment on her beauty. DH is attractive, I am average or less than average attractiveness, so perhaps this is especially odd to me. (In fact, I posted here when I was pregnant with her, worried that she would be as ugly as I am!)

I don't know how to respond when people tell me how beautiful she is. I find it a bit rude and honestly a bit creepy. Last week for example, I went to collect her from nursery, and a new caretaker was there. She came over to me just to tell me that "[DD] is so beautiful, she's really a beautiful child!"

I find it a bit upsetting because she's a girl and I'd like her to be acknowledged for her other traits (she's curious and loves music and has excellent fine motor skills for a 20 month old!) and am wary of putting so much weight on her appearance. Also, we were in a shopping centre recently and an elderly man came over to her and said, "Look at her, I'd love to just hold her, what a beauty" and walked over with open arms as if he were going to scoop her up! Or another man in a DIY shop kept coming over and saying he "couldn't stop looking in her beautiful eyes."

I have an older child in preschool who is also adorable and great looking but doesn't get the same attention that DD does. I mention this because I am aware what sorts of compliments people give to babies generally, but with toddler DD, it is quite over the top. Also, I feel bad that toddler gets all of this attention and it must feel like older DC is left out?

I just smile and say thank you. DH and I joke going out with DC is like being with a celebrity. For two people who are fairly introverted it was also not the easiest adjustment.

Oh people always say that to babies and little girls, it doesn't mean anything at all .Babylike faces are what are most often perceived as beauty in adult women ( according to Prof winston).
It's cute you think your child is the most beautiful though! Every mum does!

Just say thank you

The other day someone told my 6 yr old autistic nephew how good looking he was he said ‘Thanks’

She then said it again, he looked at her and said ‘Iv already said thanks’

I got this with my youngest daughter too, I smiled and thanked them and got on with my day. She is still strikingly beautiful at 17 but absolutely hates if someone says it to her. She actually squirms and it makes her uncomfortable.
She struggles in school and I think she would love to be called clever instead. I only ever compliment her kind heart and her generosity though. I also berate her for her pigsty of a room and her occasional cheekiness! She may be beautiful but she tests my patience on the regular!

I love that ❤️

How about " yes she is, inside and out " 🤗

Smile and say thanks.

There's no need to be rude to strangers who are just paying a compliment.

They don't have time to become acquainted her fine motor skills but maybe her other talents will be more obvious as she gets older.

Honestly as a "pretty" child and having the same with my daughter, people being like she's really really pretty, I just smile and say thank you. Please teach her to respond to the compliment in kind and move on from
It as she'll get it all her life and she needs to learn to handle it!! (I'm older, fatter and greyer and get it a lot less now) x

Agree with just say thank you and move on. I've have plenty of interactions with parents and their children through my job - it's almost expected that you'll make some positive comment about a child even if they're totally average. Child babbles a bit, parent looks at you proudly beaming, you say hello to the child and 'Ah, isn't s/he lovely?!' to the parent and everyone moves on with that social nicety out of the way.

I appreciate the OP's situation is more OTT but going on about inner beauty or the child's intellect in response to comments is just a bit odd really.

Don't do the awkward "she's also clever/kind" thing. Some people and many babies are beautiful and there is no other judgement implied.

She will either grow out of it or, if she remains exceptional, you can have proper conversations when she's older about how to manage people's reactions to it.

Also your older child will not remember being that age so if it is their feelings you're worried about, just tell them they were also praised for beauty because that's just what many adults think about babies!

And then when you have space, think about your own issues around looks.

My daughter who is 2 just laughs and says thank you now, I say yes she's a very good girl and walk away.

I think you are being a bit daft. "What a beautiful baby / child" is just something standard to say to doting parents or grandparents to be friendly. People said it to mine all the time, and I say it to people. I don't think anyone would say, "thank you, but my dc is actually an accomplished speaker / walker / Baby Einstein" and it would think they were pretty bonkers if they did. It's a surface polite compliment to a parent. Family members or friends focusing on looks and looks alone is a different issue.

I had this with my son when he was a baby. We couldn't go anywhere without someone mentioning his looks or asking to hold him. I did find it a bit overwhelming at times but people were being really friendly so I just tried to be nice back. It's eased a lot since he's gotten older but still get regular comments!

Don't all toddlers get this? Both of mine did and there's nothing spectacular about them now they're older (although I obviously think they're both gorgeous, like all mums). It dies down as they reach school age and they blend into the crowd like all other kids.

making ‘cleverness’ the main compliment isn’t a great idea tbh. Not all children are ‘clever’ or n the traditional academic sense , and it doesn’t s a painful experience to go through realising that you aren’t when it’s something that your parents always seem very proud of. Working hard and attitude are things to praise because they are at least somewhat under the persons control.

That's a great response in front of big sis.

But otherwise 'thank you' and a smile. Anything else is making a mountain out of a molehill.

Don't worry, most beautiful toddlers I've seen over the years have grown up to be average looking at best

You sound obsessed with looks op

Everyone gets told their child is beautiful btw

How do you respond when people compliment you, OP?

I compliment people on their children's appearance all the time because usually the mum has had something to do with it (nice outfit, cute hairstyle etc) - I just do it to be nice to be honest.

When I get compliments for both my children I just say "thank you". They are both beautiful (son prefers to be called handsome. I wouldn't overthink it.

DD was a strikingly pretty toddler (classic cherubic round face, blonde curls, big blue eyes), and people used to stop in the street and look at her, and comment all the time about how pretty she was (usually older women, to be fair, who would come up and say “ooh she looks just like a china doll”, or “what a beauty” or “she’ll be a heartbreaker” or similar).

But they did stop doing it when she got a bit older - and DD doesn’t really remember any of those occasions now! I think when they get past starting school age it’s much less likely for strangers to comment - there’s something so adorable about a toddler — grubby primary schoolers with marker pen on their hands, that day’s school dinners down their front, tooth gaps and tangly hair don’t quite compare! Of course we love our primary schoolers, but they aren’t quite as adorable to the average passer-by any more. And even the cutest kid goes through that awkward preteen and early teen stage where no matter how much they’ll be attractive when older, their faces change and lose that young-child cuteness. (DD at 10 is perfectly nice looking and is clearly going to be a pretty teenager and an attractive woman when she’s older, but at her current age I wouldn’t say she’s particularly stunning or devastatingly lovely - not in the way small toddlers can be!)

All that is just to say that the comments that seem problematic now will largely drop off for the most part as the child gets older, and be much less of a problem. People just don’t really look at other people’s school age kids in the same way they pay attention to babies and toddlers - so you’ll find it feels much less like she’s public property as she gets older. So enjoy the comments now while they’re pretty harmless - it’s not a bad problem to have in the scale of things!

I remember my DM telling me how strangers would come up to her and say I was the most beautiful baby/toddler they had ever seen and could they hold me and look at me, they’d talk about my dark hair and perfect little fringe etc.

My DM was so besotted with me she believed it all and still says a lot of the compliments to me now even though she has Alzheimer’s and thinks I’m her DM.
I grew up to be a solid 7/10 for looks, no modelling agency ever scouted me.

I often look at the toddlers at mini discos on holidays and can’t get over how adorable they all are. My own DC were beautiful at that age (they still are but I’m realistic) but they were also bloody hard work so now as a middle aged woman it’s lovely to see and enjoy how cute little ones are without being knackered.