How to respond to comments about toddler DD's appearance?

[chronicnamechanger2]

This isn't meant to be a humblebrag or a wind-up. My toddler daughter is very beautiful. People go out of their way to comment on her beauty. DH is attractive, I am average or less than average attractiveness, so perhaps this is especially odd to me. (In fact, I posted here when I was pregnant with her, worried that she would be as ugly as I am!)

I don't know how to respond when people tell me how beautiful she is. I find it a bit rude and honestly a bit creepy. Last week for example, I went to collect her from nursery, and a new caretaker was there. She came over to me just to tell me that "[DD] is so beautiful, she's really a beautiful child!"

I find it a bit upsetting because she's a girl and I'd like her to be acknowledged for her other traits (she's curious and loves music and has excellent fine motor skills for a 20 month old!) and am wary of putting so much weight on her appearance. Also, we were in a shopping centre recently and an elderly man came over to her and said, "Look at her, I'd love to just hold her, what a beauty" and walked over with open arms as if he were going to scoop her up! Or another man in a DIY shop kept coming over and saying he "couldn't stop looking in her beautiful eyes."

I have an older child in preschool who is also adorable and great looking but doesn't get the same attention that DD does. I mention this because I am aware what sorts of compliments people give to babies generally, but with toddler DD, it is quite over the top. Also, I feel bad that toddler gets all of this attention and it must feel like older DC is left out?

'Thank you. She's also very good at XYZ...'

Do old men try to pick him up?

I’m curious about the demographics of this behaviour as it’s not something I’ve encountered.

Maybe the same people who try to pat a pregnancy bump.

My toddler was complimented a lot, she was cute but she was also very friendly, if someone said something I’d just say “oh she’s a handful!” Which was 100% true. I mean she’s also very clever (not just me, her teachers think so) got a great sense of humour etc etc but no-ones thinking very deeply about it, they are just saying a kid is cute or beautiful etc. Don’t give it so much weight.

A few years later DD gets compliments on her manners instead. It’s not a big deal and tbh most kids don’t continue to get compliments. Toddlers on the whole are pretty damn cute, I’ve definitely called a random toddler adorable etc.

At this stage I would just smile. When she’s old enough to comprehend, I would say ‘thanks, and she XYZ’ focussing on a strength she has that isn’t related to how she looks (she’s just got her swimming badge, she wants to be a doctor, she loves animals, she is very kind)
Sure some people might find it weird but it’s subconsciously reinforcing the traits that should be admired

Just smile and say thanks and move on, people are meaning well, it's not creepy

My little boy was a beautiful baby/toddler with huge eyes and long eyelashes.

I was often stopped and told how beautiful SHE is! I just used to smile and say thank you.

Just say thank you or agree with them.

I thought it was really common for people to comment when they see babies and toddlers!

My DS is 1 and gets told how beautiful he is whenever we're out. I don't think anything of it. Just smile and say thank you and move on. People are sweet around little ones, especially older people. I think it's quite nice.

This. My DD got lots of comments as a baby / toddler. They’ve now stopped. She’s 7 and of course I still think she’s beautiful but people are drawn to lovely looking babies so you naturally get more comments.

I was a gorgeous child - people made a big fuss over me. I have been a fairly average looking adult and there was no damage done.

my youngest is very like me, she has a beautiful head of blond curls and big blue eyes. She’s also really smiley. She gets tons of attention. I just say thank you. All the kids got attention when they were small, she definitely gets extra but it will ease off with time.

I can’t take DD anywhere within being told how beautiful she is and how gorgeous her hair is, even just playing in the front garden has people stopping to compliment her (she does have beautiful corkscrew ringlets) - I just smile, say thankyou and people move on, you can’t control what other people do so not worth thinking about as long as you raise your child to know her worth doesn’t come from how she looks, no issues 😊

This. I’m honestly not saying this to be mean (your daughter may be the next Claudia Schiffer for all we know), but the gorgeous babies and toddlers I knew turned into very ordinary (and perfectly nice) adults. Baby features don’t necessarily translate into beauty on the adult face as the bone structure that makes an adult face attractive hasn’t developed.

Just say thanks and move on. You sound a bit obsessed with it IMO

Gosh don't overthink it so much! I have strangers comment every time I am in public with my DD or both of them. It happens at least once every outing, I had 3 separate people comment on how beautiful my DD was in a service station once and it was slightly embarrassing but also a compliment! I thanked them and didn't give it another thought. Why on earth would strangers know or care about your daughters 'other traits'

I often find the prettier the child, the more they don’t suit their looks as they grow. A lot of plain adults were attractive children.

Whereas less attractive children are because their heads are essentially too small for their features. Once they grow up and their features balance out, they become more attractive.

I had a friend who had this with her (very beautiful) DD. As soon as anyone mentioned it she'd quickly say something along the lines of, "thank you, we're currently focusing on learning about how important it is to be beautiful on the inside rather than the outside".

Not sure if that helps, but if you're concerned about your DD getting big headed about it that might useful...

She is only 20 months old for God's sake. She is not going to pick up on any of this. What are you going to respond with? Oh yes thank you I know she's beautiful, but did you know she can also use a tambourine?? Did you not know? 🙄

I think this is generally true (not every time, for those who might feel compelled to reply with "WRONG - my DD was voted most beautiful baby and just won Ms Europe, QED.") Cute baby = plain adult. Ugly baby = beautiful adult.

Just say thanks to people who comment, and as she gets older be sure to giver her plenty of praise for being thoughtful, kind, clever, determined, setting boundaries, confident etc so she doesn't get hung up that all her value is in her looks.

Some children do look especially adorable - big eyes / curly hair etc etc - some of them stay that way and some become more averagely attractive as they grow up. I'd just make a joke out of it and say "yes, thank you, she takes after me" they will pause as won't know exactly how to respond and you can fill the gap with "anyway.. as I was saying" or "anyway, must get on, byeee" 😁

I think all small children get these kind of comments from time to time, and some very frequently. People love children...they're cute! My usual response when someone would pay my child a compliment was to say in a friendly way, 'ahh thank you, she's a smasher isn't she...beautiful inside and out!' And wish them a pleasant day. I don't find it rude or offensive in any way.

It is very common for people to comment on the appearance of babies and toddlers. Isn’t it the case that human beings are biologically hardwired to find them absolutely adorable so that we don’t eat them/abandon them. It’s why parents are often completely besotted with their newborns that probably look like a potato, and why most people find young children visually pleasing.

I often find the prettier the child, the more they don’t suit their looks as they grow. A lot of plain adults were attractive children.

This is true although one of my friends dc is still very good looking as a teen. Great bone structure & strong features were there from a young age. Friend just says thanks. The child is unnaturally good looking so no point arguing & said child doesn’t think it anyway.

My kids get this too its exhausting but i'm also rehearsed at my "aww thank you" and keep it moving

If someone responded to my compliment like that I’d think they’re off in the head.