Is Year 6 a notoriously unpleasant year? 😩

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It’s been worse and worse for DD as the year has gone on and we are now at peak misery.

I don’t know if it’s boys too or just (in our experience) girls.

DD is an introvert who is about as streetwise as a bunny rabbit, happiest reading, knitting, crafting. She has 3 or 4 good friends but is happy with just a small group. Her year group has always been full of very extrovert and ebullient kids (more than I would think is average), the girls in particular. Now the end of primary is approaching, a large number of the girls seem to be becoming really unpleasant. (sorry, no other way to say it)

They are all very into eg TikTok and what they call ‘skincare’… nothing wrong with that of course but they are openly mocking DD for her lack of interest in it all. Daily events are eg several girls (in a small gang) asking her to tell them her favourite skincare products and then when she says she doesn’t know they snigger and whisper behind their hands. Happens on repeat.

it’s obviously low-level bullying, and targeted at a quiet girl who likes to just keep her head down and get on with her work, but with only a few weeks left I just think better to let it all lie. The Teachers at our school are really crap at dealing with this kind of behaviour, in my experience. They either brush it under the carpet or mishandle and make it worse. But DD is really miserable, she knows they’re making fun of her and although she’s pretty tough and in the past has brushed off similar incidents, this is all happening so much it’s getting her down.

Also mucking around and general hi-jinks in the classroom/lunch hall/playground just seems a bit out of control. I know they’re ready to leave and spreading their wings, and I do know DD is unusual in her liking for quietness and control, but is this just normal Y6 nonsense or is this more than normal?

Sorry, I do realise it looks as though I’m saying being extrovert is the same thing as being unpleasant!! I didn’t mean that at all. A couple of DD’s friends are indeed as extrovert as they come! I just mean than DD often struggles anyway, given her peer group, with feeling different from the majority. Adding in the developing unpleasantness where she is made fun of for being different and it’s all affecting her confidence. Hope that makes sense.

I think its the worst year. Its the combination of SATs, puberty, thinking of senior school. I would say the second half of year 6 was the worst time of my dd's life school life, and we are currently in the middle of A Level exams. Keep school informed if you think she is struggling, and follow up with them. Just keep telling her she is nearly through it.

God yes I’d forgotten to factor in the hormones…

Thank you, though I’m sad to hear that, it helps to know someone else gets it…

Yes - finding similar here! DD is in yr 6 and fairly introverted plus has had some health issues which in some ways has set her apart from her peers. She’s had the same small friendship group since reception and am finding the friendships are getting more fragmented - I keep reassuring her she will find new friends at secondary!

social media hasn’t been too much of an issue as of yet but her best friend has a public YouTube account which I find pretty alarming and I just keep trying to have opens discussions with DD as to why this isn’t a good idea…

I found after the SATs everything went to pot with kids falling out etc. Dd1 is a bit socially awkward and she experienced low level bullying throughout primary from the cool/mean kids (boys and girls in her case.) Dd did always have a few friends like your dd, who werent prone to dramas. But I remember it happening in the class.
Dd went to the local comp that most kids moved to. (Non grammar area) and I found things improved hugely. She expanded her group of nice kids and the mean kids left them alone..I think this was because they were too busy having dramas with the cool kids from other schools. Dd1 and pals never really had dramas. Dd2 and friends too.
One's now at uni and the other year 12.

Sometimes a cohort is nice, works well together, no issues etc.

Sometimes.. they just don't fit together. Everything turns into a drama. The dynamic is unpleasant. Add hormones, and the unsettledness of the big change od Secondary school looming... its just a nightmare.

Just a few more weeks

I think yr6 go a bit wild after SATs. There's not much to do and the kids are so ready for a change.
As a parent of a child who found the transition to high school hard, I'd say buckle up.
The maturity gap between kids just gets wider for the next couple of years. Your DD will also grow up a lot once she starts high school, so maybe look at this as a not great experience but an early lesson in resilience.
The other girls are silly and this is low level bullying.
Speak to the school but especially chat with your DD about strategies for dealing with this kind of teasing. (She sounds lovely btw)

It's common for disagreements to come to a head, friendships to change etc and brings out the worst in some kids as they get a bit cocky and try to assert themselves. That's no excuse for what is happening to your daughter though. Is there any member of staff you or she trust to speak to? At my school we'd get staff to keep a discreet eye on her at break times if she didn't want us to actually speak to the other girls or let her know she could check in with someone if she needed to

Thanks so much everyone.

Yep I would definitely say it’s a tricky cohort, lots of BIG characters jostling and vying for top dog status, which has often set quite a frantic tone even when things were calmer…

it’s good to hear though that it’s not just us. I know my DD (who has always been quietly confident) is starting to lose some of her confidence and worrying it will be like this at senior. We are just trying to push through the next few weeks but I’m so sad to see how it’s affecting her.

We were told it was the worst year. They are the top of the school so feel superior to all the other children. Add in hormones and SATs...

My son has struggled the whole year. His friendship group all ditched him end of year 5, he's still doesn't know the reason. The new friends he made both left in year 6. He's been spending time reading during break and has taken on a mentoring responsibility to keep him busy. He feels like he has no friends now and is counting down the days until the end of year 6. Definitely has been his worst year. Really hope he makes some good like minded friends when he gets to high school!

Year 6 in general at this time of year are really tricky. They have finished SATs and definitely tend to think they are "too cool for school". There can be a lot of arrogant and disrespectful behaviour from both sexes.

It is also when they are getting to do the less structured "treat" activities and so there may be more time in the school day when this type of conversation can happen compared with when there are more structured formal lessons.

However, in my experience, girls get tricky with the catty comments, cliques and falling out with each other from year 5 onwards and it tends to peak in years 8 to 9. I think this has a high hormonal element.

My advice would be to look at when this is happening. Is it break times or in class. Is there something about the structure of lesson times that is facilitating it ( eg groups left too much to their own devices whilst different scenes are being practiced for the school play)

Then I'd approach the teacher and discuss how to deal with it. Could your dd and a couple of friends be given specific tasks to do to keep them away from the catty girls at peak problem times? Could the catty girls be given tasks to keep them away from DD and her friends?

Emphasise to the teacher that you would like your dds final memories of primary school to be positive ones but also empathise with the teacher that she is probably being run ragged trying to do all the nice treats things with kids who are nearly all in a mix of high excitement and some anxiety about the transition. This leads some of them to think they are too big to need to listen to primary teachers any more!

I would also work a little bit on your daughter's resilience. Can you help her to come up with some positive responses and practice saying them in a kind and positive way, not an aggressive get back at them way.
Eg
. "Oh, I'm really just lucky. My skin is good just using soap and water, so I've just not had to get into all of that right now"

I know it shouldn't be up to the victims to have to work on this, but having some "rise above it " practice will be helpful as she will come across it again in lower secondary unfortunately.

Your poor DD, that sounds tough for her.

I also found it a hard time with DS, probably the worst year at school for him (now year 7). Lots of drama, girls and boys just becoming aware of each other and all sorts of issues. I think also partly down to them being about ready to move on, feeling they're the biggest fish in the school and ready to become more independent. Thankfully, it seems to have settled down massively in year 7 and DS and his friends all seem really happy now. At secondary there are more people for them to be friends with and it seems less of a microcosm, thankfully.

So sorry to hear about your son Obsidian. Hope things get better for him v soon.

MrsDeaconClaybourne, I WISH our school worked like that. Honestly, they’re rubbish at this. They totally turn a blind eye to this stuff, or they massively escalate and leave the victim of the bullying publically exposed for trying to stop it… I’m racking my brains to think of a single staff member I could trust to just quietly keep an eye and I really don’t think there is one. ☹️

I just think better to let it all lie. The Teachers at our school are really crap at dealing with this kind of behaviour, in my experience. They either brush it under the carpet or mishandle and make it worse. But DD is really miserable, she knows they’re making fun of her and although she’s pretty tough and in the past has brushed off similar incidents, this is all happening so much it’s getting her down.

I think you letting this go unchallenged is not right. Your job is to stand up for your DD, you're standing by and letting her be bullied.

Get into school, speak to someone and tell them to address it.

Qwerty, I get that’s how it looks, I really do, but I’ve stood up for her before (in Y5) and it was just an utter clusterfuck tbh, the school went in like a nuclear bomb calling parents and getting girls to publically apologise and my DD was just left mortified (and ultimately exposed to worse from the girls who’d been picking on her, because they knew it was her who had grassed)

Still, I get what you’re saying. I think I will have to work out who would be least bad to speak to.

huge thanks everyone, advice much appreciated

EducatingArti, you’re spot on, a lot of off-timetable activity is not helping. And my goodness a lot of them think they’re too cool for school!!!

im going to think about how I can express it to someone WITHOUT them getting defensive (and ignoring) or blowing it all up.

thank you

DS1 is very introverted, quiet, no interest in sm etc. His year group was a bit toxic all the way through primary and remained that way in year 6. He is thriving at secondary with a wider social circle so tell your daughter to hang in there!

In contrast DS2's year group have been an amazing group of kids all the way through, but even they have started unravelling at the seams this year so I can reassure you it happens to even the most well adjusted friendly classes! SATS broke a lot of them tbh. Cannot wait to get this year done with!

Yes definitely the worst, after sats they are just bored, nothing really for them to do other than practice the end of year play, which for some children isn’t fun.
then you have the hormones, some children are no where near puberty, and some are very near to it.

they all seem to be pushing to be top dog, and the rest just don’t want a target.

One of mine missed it due to move start of Y6 to part of UK with no SATS but due to then secondary policy was kept with same group for 60-50% of time for next two year - this behaviour -fall outs bullying -just happened later end of Y7 leading to miserable Y8.

Best advice try and get them involved in outside activities like Guides with different kids- helps them see it's not them and focus on new school and hopefully new friends come September.

Yes I think the boredom isn’t helping… as my granny would have says, ‘the devil makes work for idle hands…’ !!!!

When I went to school we had middle schools from yr 5-8 and I think it was so much better for stuff like this. A kind of mix between primary and high and the chance for kids to find new mates after primary.

Am sad this has been changed round here and it’s now primary/secondary for my kids.

Mine is year 5 but in a mixed year 5/6 class and this is exactly our experience too. DD is quiet, bookish and ‘uncool’ (in her words) and she’s really struggling with being mocked for not being into make up/skin care/tik tok etc. I imagine next year is going to be even worse and I’m dreading it.

So sorry to hear that youdontevengohere… why must some kids be cruel like that?