Is Year 6 a notoriously unpleasant year? 😩

[ScreenPrinting]

It’s been worse and worse for DD as the year has gone on and we are now at peak misery.

I don’t know if it’s boys too or just (in our experience) girls.

DD is an introvert who is about as streetwise as a bunny rabbit, happiest reading, knitting, crafting. She has 3 or 4 good friends but is happy with just a small group. Her year group has always been full of very extrovert and ebullient kids (more than I would think is average), the girls in particular. Now the end of primary is approaching, a large number of the girls seem to be becoming really unpleasant. (sorry, no other way to say it)

They are all very into eg TikTok and what they call ‘skincare’… nothing wrong with that of course but they are openly mocking DD for her lack of interest in it all. Daily events are eg several girls (in a small gang) asking her to tell them her favourite skincare products and then when she says she doesn’t know they snigger and whisper behind their hands. Happens on repeat.

it’s obviously low-level bullying, and targeted at a quiet girl who likes to just keep her head down and get on with her work, but with only a few weeks left I just think better to let it all lie. The Teachers at our school are really crap at dealing with this kind of behaviour, in my experience. They either brush it under the carpet or mishandle and make it worse. But DD is really miserable, she knows they’re making fun of her and although she’s pretty tough and in the past has brushed off similar incidents, this is all happening so much it’s getting her down.

Also mucking around and general hi-jinks in the classroom/lunch hall/playground just seems a bit out of control. I know they’re ready to leave and spreading their wings, and I do know DD is unusual in her liking for quietness and control, but is this just normal Y6 nonsense or is this more than normal?

My son actually wanted to go to a secondary where no one else from his primary was going. Says it all really!

What is needed in Y6 are teachers with enough of a holistic overview of whole child development to 'opt out' of the pervasive drive to make everything about SATs and be focusing hard on supporting pupils with developing healthy self-image, relationships, boundaries, respect for difference etc at what is a really critical time in the lives of 10 and 11 year olds.

Y6 learners need teachers to actively model what it looks like to be an adult with integrity, alive to the issues and concerns of the young people in their class, an adult who makes good choices around communication and wellbeing and who prioritises a safe classroom environment for their cohort, and who are not afraid to put something aside in favour of addressing issues in the class and be the person who the children trust will have the right conversations at the right times when called upon.

Then the kind of environments you describe can be avoided. I really wish your daughter well -she sounds lovely!

This is what my daughter wants.

LetTheCardsFall wow, incredible post, you are so so right… it’s such a formative time and yet (at our school at least) they’ve just been allowed to become sort of wild screeeching faux-grown-ups with apparently no boundaries either in the classroom or out of it. I’m so sad it’s gone this way for my DD because she is counting the minutes until it’s over which feels such a shame.

And she also chose to go to a senior school by herself (ie with nobody from her primary) too…

I hated year 6. It all got better once we all went to high school and spread out, met new people, found our tribe, were humbled by being the youngest.
Something awful happens to girls in year 6. It gets very catty and cliquey. I couldn't wait to get out of it

What is quietly keeping an eye? I would assume that the bullying conversations are not done in front of staff so how on earth can they deal with it without confronting the problem? Yes it is tricky but catty conversations about her skincare can't be dealt with without a conversation about how she finds their behaviour hurtful. Yes they will know she has complained but how else can the school deal with it?

Letthecardsfallwheretheymay
Teachers spend plenty of time doing exactly what you describe alongside their role of educating children and teaching the curriculum. I would suggest that the issue is that parents allow their children too much access to adult things. Why are these kids on social media? Because their parents have provided them access. Where are they watching this content? At home. Who has the most influence on their child? The parent. Children spend most of their time at home. It us about time parents take responsibility for the values and attitudes of their children.

I’m sorry your daughter is going through this. From an adult perspective it’s just a few weeks to go but when you’re living it as a 10 / 11 yo it feels like forever.

I still remember being asked by mean girls if I got my clothes from Oxfam and I didn’t even know what it was! So that behaviour has existed forever.

I suppose your daughter could try this

Sandra "So what skin care do you use?"

Your Kid "Gosh I find it so hard. You have good skin, what do you use?" Your kid does NOT have to follow this just maybe if she puts the ball back in 'Sandra's court plus a little compliment it might help!

At least your girl is not a sheep!

I remember when I was at school, for some daft reason all the girls were supposed to walk around with a tube of Maybelline Great Lash mascara! Literally walk around school with it. And this was before the days of influencers and internet!!! I did use mascara but hated that one and I wasn't bullied for it.

My DS found Y6 really tricky. They all just went a bit wild, break times in particular were getting out of hand - I had to teach him how to get out of a headlock! (obvs spoke to school too). The kids were all at very different stages, some seemed years older in their behaviour and keen to assert their authority over others.

SATs didn't even come into it for him, as lockdown then happened. And as crappy as that was in so many ways, I often feel like he dodged a bullet there, as he'd been getting increasingly unhappy in Y6 and it felt like things were really escalating.

I'm in the thick of this at work right now.
Lots of the Year 6s are hyper and out of control 🙃
They're far too cool for school literally.
But in September they'll be tiny fishes in a very big pond and will be brought down to earth with a bump.
I really feel for your daughter.

@ScreenPrinting, what you're describing is what can so easily happen when the adults aren't proactively 'leaning in' to foster and support good relationships as a matter of priority.
I'm teamed with a pair of job sharing TAs who are picked especially for their capacity to engage alongside me on this level and to be the trusted adults who can hold space for personal development and challenge and nurture in equal measure. I work in a school with significant challenges and a 'difficult' cohort, but we make huge efforts to turn out well-rounded young people who know how to 'get on'.
Super important. I think we tend to have Y6 the wrong way around a lot of the time.

Your DD sounds lovely. It must be infuriating for you that the school is so useless at addressing issues that are (unfortunately) quite common. I would try to help DD focus on everything she has to look forward to: whatever you’re planning for the holidays, her new school, etc. Though it does seem sad that her last weeks in primary school are just counting down to the end. ☹️

As an aside, I loathe the skincare trend among pre-teen girls. It’s just another message to young girls that they should focus on their appearance over and above everything else, that their worth and value is all about what they look like (and which ridiculously expensive products they use).

I experienced something similar myself in year 6 and it was awful.

I also used to be a primary school teacher and I remember teaching a specific class of year 5s who were just the most delightful group of children, only to come across them in the lunch hall a year later towards the end of year 6 to find them unrecognisable (in personality). I think it's then hormones and fear/excitement of moving to secondary.

Despite all this, I actually don't know the solution.

I wonder if the teacher could do a PSHE lesson on the dangers of certain products on young skin; the general issue with advertising in the beauty industry and the fact that being clean is what is most important. A sort of hygiene crossed with a beware of advertising claims lesson.

On top of that I wonder if it's maybe worth coming up with some comebacks to shut them up. I'm not saying try to convince her to be a bully in return but maybe there's some things she can have prepared as a defence. Something that shows her as confident and unwilling to be targeted.

If she can fake confidence and talk back to them just a couple of times she might find they're actually a lot nicer to her.

Kudos to her for not giving in to the peer pressure.

Yep. DS1 is counting down the days. His class has always been tricky but it’s now downright unpleasant.

My ds didn't enjoy year 6. The teacher focused on SATS and bringing the weaker children up to grade, they learnt nothing new, leaving ds bored stupid, and some of his classmates became disruptive and unpleasant.

We were relieved when it was over.

Mine also chose a senior school away from his classmates.

Yes horrible horrible horrible year. We were so delighted when lockdown was called and DS2's Y6 ended.

Prior to that, he's been involved in an incident where her walked into the library and unbeknownst to him some boys were getting changed after a lunchtime sports club. He was yelled at and called gay, tried to defuse the situation (unwisely) by saying he didn't see anything and had his head smashed into a bookcase by the other child before he could get out of the room.

When I went into school to discuss it, his year 6 teacher (who wasn't even remotely there) said "well he did say it in a very sarcastic tone of voice so X felt defensive." Nothing ever got done, the head was utterly shite, so I can well believe you when you say you're worried it will be mishandled.

You may find that Y7 is a very different thing. Schools are bigger and it's easier to find your thrope if you are a different type.

DD had a really bad time in Y6, we now think her - then undiagnosed - ASD came out in full and she just couldn't rely to most of the other girls anymore.

They spent 7 years together, they were all so over it.

Come secondary - we encouraged her to take slips with her phone number to the introduction day and hand them out to make contact over the summer holiday. It worked really well and while she didn't become friends with all of them, a fresh start with girls who also were not into the same SM and clothes, helped her getting her confidence back.

DD is now in Y12, I think she has no contact with any of the girls from her primary school. From Y7 onwards most ended up in different forms and sets so they just shared the odd lesson together.

Don't worry to all the posters who have bookish kids who hate year 6. Don't think it will only get worse. There will be tons of bookish kids at high school and clubs to go to and they will find their tribe. The shitty ones will get diluted

Re the skin care: i saw Caroline Hirons on insta yesterday saying WHY are parents facilitating kidsbuying premium skincare. Yes the kids are a problem but as with many things, it's actually a parent problem!

Luckily I had boys so none of this nonsense. Hopefully Yr 7 she'll find her tribe. What are you already doing about her self esteem / making her more thick skinned, in preparation for secondary though?

Boys hit puberty later and so do the issues IMO ( one of each). Interestingly my dc go to a school that ends in Year 8 and the problems described here are similar to those of year 8 boys ( the girls are out the other side of it). Not specifically skincare obviously, but just general jockeying to establish the pecking order and the problems associated with having outgrown your environment. They all need to move on.

Yr 6 is dreadful imo. Girls can be so spiteful. Yr 7 where old friendships may get split up and they have to make new friends is a great leveller. They go from being a big fish in a small pool to being a small fish in a big pool. Can be an eye opener if they have any selfawareness

My experience with 2DDs now both in their 20s was so many arguments between the girls during Y6. Both DDs ended up in peacemaking roles.

From year 5 ime , although the girls in ds 13s year were particularly awful in year 6 . Ds 11 is getting it a bit from the boys as he's trying to fit in and play football , which they say he's crap at . He's autistic and has always been more friendly with the girls but as they've gotten older the friendships have naturally tailed off a bit and some of the boys in his year aren't particularly nice.

I think some of it can be down to hormones and them starting to get older and boundary pushing but some kids just aren't very nice and only get worse at secondary

It's not necessarily going to be worse when dd moves up though, 2 of my 4 are more bookish/ not interested in following any sort of trends so I guess you'd say not the popular in kids and the older one had a pretty good time through school, the other is only in year 8 but also perfectly happy with his own group

They also tend to make new friends because here at least, the school is huge and they don't after have classes with many, if any of the dc they went to primary with

** by some kids only get worse at secondary I didn't mean that your dd will continue to have problems with them, just that some kids aren't very nice people and age doesn't always improve that . Your dd will find it easier to ovid them though