Is Year 6 a notoriously unpleasant year? 😩

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It’s been worse and worse for DD as the year has gone on and we are now at peak misery.

I don’t know if it’s boys too or just (in our experience) girls.

DD is an introvert who is about as streetwise as a bunny rabbit, happiest reading, knitting, crafting. She has 3 or 4 good friends but is happy with just a small group. Her year group has always been full of very extrovert and ebullient kids (more than I would think is average), the girls in particular. Now the end of primary is approaching, a large number of the girls seem to be becoming really unpleasant. (sorry, no other way to say it)

They are all very into eg TikTok and what they call ‘skincare’… nothing wrong with that of course but they are openly mocking DD for her lack of interest in it all. Daily events are eg several girls (in a small gang) asking her to tell them her favourite skincare products and then when she says she doesn’t know they snigger and whisper behind their hands. Happens on repeat.

it’s obviously low-level bullying, and targeted at a quiet girl who likes to just keep her head down and get on with her work, but with only a few weeks left I just think better to let it all lie. The Teachers at our school are really crap at dealing with this kind of behaviour, in my experience. They either brush it under the carpet or mishandle and make it worse. But DD is really miserable, she knows they’re making fun of her and although she’s pretty tough and in the past has brushed off similar incidents, this is all happening so much it’s getting her down.

Also mucking around and general hi-jinks in the classroom/lunch hall/playground just seems a bit out of control. I know they’re ready to leave and spreading their wings, and I do know DD is unusual in her liking for quietness and control, but is this just normal Y6 nonsense or is this more than normal?

They’re big fish in a small pond at year 6 but get taken down a peg in year 7 when they’re the minnows again

The behaviour, sniggering behind hands, is awful though. I don’t think it’s “mild” bullying.

I wouldn't say it's been unpleasant, but my Y6 is pretty sociable and outgoing and gets along with everyone.

But what I have noticed this year is that there is a real divide between the children whose parents poorly supervise them and let them do whatever they want online, and parents who do supervise them and are controlled in what they allow them to access online. Maybe it's simply a matter of poor parenting all around - obviously the ones with shitty parents are more likely to be spending all their time posting inappropriate photos on TikTok. But I know the kids who spend all their time on their phones with no supervision and they are certainly the more problematic ones. There's definitely been some friction around those issues and a bit more drama than in previous years.

Unfortunately, I suspect it will continue a bit into secondary school until they settle into new friendship groups.

The way forward might be to suggest any ideas to the teacher of what you might like to happen. Eg, "DD would be totally embarrassed for a big thing to be made of this in her last few weeks. This seems to mainly happen at lunch time. Could you maybe allow DD and a friend to spend a couple of days a week sorting/tidying the library at lunch time and catty girl and some friends doing some other tasks for another lunchtime or two. This gives them a break from each other and allows the situation to cool down"

Or if during play practice, could DD and friend be given specific tasks to to to keep them away from catty girls ( eg help others to rehearse lines, make lists of props needed for each character/ scene or paint scenery - anything really that keeps them apart and gives DD some peace)

Could some combination of girls be "loaned" to the infants for an hour or so to do shared reading or to encourage playground games or something

yes it is a bad year especially for girls ime
but it does pass and your dd will find her own quieter friends in high school as just more children around

I would maybe teach her a few skincare brands - maybe go to Sephora or equivalent if you can - just so she knows what they are talking about and can join in a little and maybe feels less left out but otherwise try and teach her to ignore!

Isn't it all Drunk Elephant? We were all Apri facial scubs and Anne French.
But we didn't test each other on it!

Yes I recognise this from when my eldest was in year 6 .
There were a few girls who were 11 going on 15.
Also uniform was very slack and a lot of them wore very short skirts.

The kids are eldest in the school so many get full of themselves.

Oh god yes, DD hated year 6 and I can definitely say it was worse for girls then boys. Way more competition. DS seemed to just sail through it, but he is more chilled with most things.

DD suffered a lot of low level bullying in year 6, despite being a good student, her young teacher seemed to favour the more popular girl's in her class and there was definitely favouritism going on in the classroom. She was so ready to leave primary and was very happy when she started high school in the September. She's doing her A-level's now and is a fantastic young lady.

Everyone, your advice and kindness is hugely appreciated.

EducatingArti, those are some good strategies. I will run them by DH and work out who is best to approach (some teachers are worse than others…!)

sasha, ironically I used to work as a beauty journalist back in the day, so I can def tell DD about brands etc… but she just is so not interested! I do get that it’s not always a good strategy to be way out of the norms of teenage-dom, but I’m also wary of giving her the message that (if she REALLY isn’t interested) she should change herself just to fit in. She’s done a bit of mugging up on Taylor Swift as she isn’t NOT interested in that, which I think is a good thing. But trying to get her to get even remotely into the skincare just feels like a non starter. I expect, like me, she will get MASSIVELY into it when she’s older. And yes, it WAS all Aapri! Long live Aapri xx

Congratulate your DD on not following the TikTok skincare trends. Many of the products are designed for mature skin and damaging to tween and teen skin. Good for her that she has the courage to not cave in to these girls taunting her.

My DD would rather sit doing homework all day than go to Sephora!

Yes interestingly it was one of our most challenging years. DS is "less mature" shall we say than others his age, and it really showed in Y6, some are very keen at that age to really want to be grown up, maybe it's being eldest in the year? There was a particularly unpleasant group of girls, had to delete his WhatsApp (I know he shouldn't have had it, we allowed him to have one "friend", that friend sent it on to the others and it escalated within a week- lesson learned!) the girls especially did seem very keen to exert their "grown up-ness". Thankfully he went to a different high school, and he's been a little more confident in knowing himself and what he likes, he doesn't tend to follow the crowd. One of the girls tried adding him on Fortnite recently, but I told him to decline it, it's been much less fraught without them!

I don't have daughters but find the early interest in skincare absolutely mind boggling, akin to being interested in tax returns 😂

Me too I remember being dining about wearing sun cream on my face let alone skin care as a kid

But OP it's crap for your daughter but sounds normal unfortunately

Could you give her an idea of something to say back like

' I haven't got time for skin care in always out doing things' (be it true or not)

'Skincare? I don't need yet thankfully'

'What's your hair care routine' (just to throw them off and have her say shampoo conditioner hair masks and hair oil)

' only the mongers need skin care at our age' --- I'm joking , I'm joking !

• omg that should say MINGERS NOT MONGERS

No, though of course it is a time (though I'd have thought more in Y7) of friendship changed as the kids grow a part a bit as their interests diverge. My DD's 'BFF' started to get in to music and boys and they grew apart, and by Y8 she was ignoring my child, which was devastating as she herself is an introvert and always thought she'd have this friend if no one else.
However she did have other friends, though not as close. And it is a part of growing up and while that's no comfort while it's happening she'll get over it and grow.

Year 6 has been the year of friendship issues here as well. DD fell out with a girl who had been her best friend since nursery. There are only 9 girls in their class of 32 so it gets quite intense and they seem to be permanently falling out and then making up. It's been a challenging year academically too with lots of SATs homework.

My daughter has got quite into skincare too and wants to spend a fortune at Boots - I don't know where that comes from! In most other ways she's quite young for her age and keeps saying she'd rather be 7 years old again.

The skincare thing is TikTok. I walk past a large Sephora a fair bit and it is full of tweens and young teen girls. So clearly a thing at the moment.
There’s lots of in brands like drunk elephant as one example.
i was also quite into skincare as a young teen and liked all the brands but a. They were less expensive b. There were only a small number of brands c. We did use to go to boots together to look at stuff as friends but it wasn’t a competition

I still like skincare now and love a massive boots with a large skincare section and love trying new products and do discuss with particular friends that are also interested but I am a middle aged woman!

I just read this and actually snorted tea out of my nose.

You are completely correct. Why on Earth are young children talking about preventing wrinkles before they have even gone through puberty?
I have a boy and a girl. My son is just football crazy and daughter (9) loves sport, Brownies and wants to be a police officer and has no time for silly girls and their girly nonsense (she's great!)

I would still complain to the school. Your daughter is miserable and will be relying on you to make things better. Will they be at different schools in year 7?

I think people generally find that year 6 can be awful but my experience was that year 3/4 was the worst for girl bullying.

Different schools in Y7 yep 💪💪💪

The skincare thing is very weird indeed and I hope it has died a death by the time my 4 year old gets to year 6. And I say that as a beautician. I have encouraged my daughters to use skincare from the age of about 12 when they’re getting breakouts etc. but the main thing is to cleanse properly at that age.

Someone posted a very similar thread recently about their DD being the only one not into skincare products and being teased/ostracised by her "friends". Really sad. I think it does depend on the cohort and the dynamic as others have said.

Can you help her think of something to say back when the girls ask her this and practice at home? Either just something to rebuff them and show she doesn't care, or just name a couple of skincare products to get them off her back. And a: why do you keep asking me?

It was particularly unpleasant at the school my children attended.
Most children were going to 1 of 3 schools, 2 very similar mixed schools and a girls school - it caused a real divide and there was a lot of snobbishness.

I have a DD that sounds like yours op and year 6 was definitely the year a lot of friendships changed, nastiness came out in previously (seemingly) nice girls, and many classmates suddenly thought they were a lot better than my DD. I was glad to see the back of that year and school.
I think it's a combination of hormones and knowing they're coming to the end of primary so suddenly think they're all grown up.
The skincare thing is definitely a current trend too. My other DD watched Salish Matter on YouTube for a while and suddenly wanted an insanely expensive 'skincare routine.'

That's such a shame - one of mine has a hard time in Y5/6 and I often think that the school I currently work in would have handled it better than where he was.

In his case, it was very football-orientated macho boys that he didn't quite fit in with. He found his tribe in Y7 though, like many do. In fact he had the same group of them round during half term, 17 year olds now, and still a lovely group of young people.

When things were tough for him we just used to concentrate on counting down how long he had left of a term or whatever.

In your position I'd probably let her have the odd sneaky day off as well if your commitments allow and she wants to and do something nice. Even if it's only picking her up early or dropping of a bit late for an 'appointment'!

We can't wait to leave! Years of issues, and most of the problem kids aren't going to the school my DC is....