Help! My new neighbour is a nightmare. How would you handle the situation?

[rosebudding]

Help! My new neighbour is a nightmare. How would you handle the situation?

My new neighbour moved in a few months ago. He’s a young (around 30) single man. He has a huge amount of friends who are often high or drunk and always round. He frequently has loud parties in the garden with loud music and constant week smoking and bbqs from the afternoon until past 3am. his garden is meters away from my daughter’s bedroom window so she can’t sleep and can’t leave the window open otherwise her room will stink of weed. We can’t use the garden when he's having a party and can’t plan parties of our own as we’d be driven inside due to the noise and smoke.

They also use the narrow passage between our homes all the time, even in the middle of the night to access his flat. They shout and slam the door constantly. They park in my drive. His dog also barks solidly until the early hours when he’s left outside by himself. The passage is always full of his furniture and rubbish.

What should I do? I haven’t said anything so far as I feel a bit intimidated. Moving isn not an option. I have lived in this house all my life and my elderly father, who I take care of fulltime, cannot move. It is his beloved home and he is familiar with it and the area.

I think it’s unlikely he’s a dealer, most at that level would be very discreet and not draw attention to themselves in that way, also it’s pretty hard to launder money for house purchases.

he probably works from home, not everyone who smokes weed is unemployed.

i also would try and make friends with him and try appealing to his better nature ( hoping he has one) you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar

People coming and going and banging on doors at all and late hours is absolutely an-indicator of dealing. It may not be his only job or only source of income but it’s extremely predictable behavior of users who are looking to buy. It’s the first thing the police asked my son when there was problem next door to his uni house. And this is an area where 8 people live in a house and still there was excessive coming and going.

It’s also an indicator of a youngish guy with lots of mates,🙄

One trick to get people on side is to ask them to help you in someway, most people are conditioned to say yes and once you’ve helped someone it’s harder to dislike them. You could ask him to give you a hand with something in the garden and then offer him a beer to drink with you in your garden afterwards as a thank you.

Could you speak to the other neighbours around his flat that will be being affected? Above, the other side and behind? So you are not feeling quite so alone.

And could your DD move bedrooms?

The first thing I thought of was dealing. I had a very similar situation with a neighbour who was dealing and therefore at home all the time.

This is sound advice.

Yes, I'll definitely keep a log of events and also will report the drug use anonymously. I will try talking to him first and if that fails and time goes by and nothing changes, i'll be on it with the council and befriend them. I think I now have a plan and you've been especially helpful with it all. Thanks also for defending me xx

Guy’s clearly an arsehole, don’t bother with cake/beer, he’ll just take it and carry on. Don’t be nice, be smart. Report to leaseholder, call up environmental health, log everything, times, dates, report drugs to police, although tbh, my DH (police) spoke to our idiot new neighbour about his endless spliffs in the garden and said he’d be forced to report him, sadly it would be a miracle if anything happened about it.

Kicking up a fuss may work. We did all this in our first flat when the upstairs neighbour started with drunk abusive behaviour, endless music so loud it was distorted, domestic violence. We had police, environmental health monitoring, then sold. Think the guy ended up in jail. We declared everything to the agent selling our place and a guy bought who didn’t care at all. Try and get your neighbours on board, we did, but they also moved, it’s disgusting that this kind of anti-social arsehole behaviour isn’t just arrestable. It should be!

I would not let him become aware that YOU are disgruntled by his noise. He might "retaliate" or just cause aggro.

Check your council website very carefully. They might have a team that visits properties causing noise outside normal hours.

When the house next door to me was sold to a young woman, the noise was absolutely dreadful. After a couple of months that all stopped. I think it was just the novelty of having her first place. She turned out to be lovely.

How old is he? I would do all the above (report to police etc) but I’ve had this in the past and the neighbour did chill out after a couple of months. He was just having lots of house warming partying. Still get the odd party or whiff of weed occasionally. He did calm right down when he got a girl friend too :)

I wouldn’t recommend telling him that you/ your daughter think his dog is lonely as part of this conversation.

people who don’t give their dog enough time and attention hate being called out on it and get super offended.

Hi @rosebudding - don’t resort to playing loud music at them. They will know the legislation well enough to turn the complaint around at you. Keep logs. Ask for Environmental Health to put a recording device in your home. Put up cameras that show the laneway as well as your driveway and both front and back gardens. Ensure that they also record sound. I suspect you would very soon have more than enough evidence of antisocial behaviour/parking/abuse/drug dealing.

Oops - pressed send too soon.

Having the cameras recording this adds validity to your notes.

Thanks, yeah, I looked into it and I think cameras and notes are a good idea. Crimestoppers may also be helpful. The noise thing I agree with. It may turn out bad and in the meantime, the music would upset all of the other neighbours with whom aI have very good relationships with.

We had a new neighbor move in and pretty soon they were partying until 3am. And half the neighborhood called the police on them. They learned pretty quick that it is not a party until 3 am neighborhood.

Surely smoking week is still
illegal? Wouldn’t the police arrest him for that?

Hi op,

do not engage :)
He is an adult and knows very well what he is doing. He just doesn’t understand the offence/doesn’t care. You will just be identified and then…Things can get worse.

I understand that moving isn’t an option, you will need to get practical to lessen the problems…any chance you can garden your fence, the green will absorb some of that noise? Not counting counteract the smells? Maybe an electrical small fountains? The water dropping will also cover some noise…? Invest in a ceiling fan for your daughter?

for the dog : reports. That is just not ok to have an animal in the garden for hours. Especially if it is hot or at night. It is cruel and they will check that the dog is ok. As the dog barks, he will not know whom reported him.

🌺🌺

This.

Have him over for coffee and let him know how he is impacting your life. Maybe he needs an excuse to get rid of his imposing friends.

So sorry about your husband passing this is definitely the last thing you need.

I understand why you can't move and you're right noone should have to

I would definitely get some fans or play some white noise and try the soft approach, he might surprise you

I hope it gets sorted nothing worse than noisy neighbours, home should be your sanctuary. As I've said I've been through it and sadly couple of times

I would cling on to the hope that the parties and noise will reduce in Autumn / Winter when the evenings get darker and it’s cold and they won’t want to be outside having parties until 3am. I would also try swapping your daughters room or getting some noise cancelling headphones to see if you can minimise how much you can hear. I think as others have said you need to start off nice and appeal to his better nature (obvs he sounds like an absolute piece of work but here’s hoping), if you go in hard he might make the issues worse to spite you

Don't be afraid to report it, ultimately if it stops him it won't be an issue if you ever sell if you can honestly say it is resolved. Don't confront him if you are concerned, contact your local authority, they are obligated to investigate. It will take a while but don't give up hope. If you love the house and want to stay it will be worth it. I've been really unlucky with neighbours over the years, I have always found local authorities really helpful. The first thing they usually do is send a letter and often that's enough to make a difference

I wouldn't move. I'd make his life a living hell but I understand not all can live with that.

I dont think ' manage' is the word I'd use! All you one can do is report, however I wouldn't waste my time, if he's smoking drugs etc, report to the local drug enforcement, police as many times as necessary, but keep your wits about you, record what they do if you have a doorbell camera, and also don't let someone dictate what you do in your place! You and your family have rights, time to fight fire with fire!