Help! My new neighbour is a nightmare. How would you handle the situation?

[rosebudding]

Help! My new neighbour is a nightmare. How would you handle the situation?

My new neighbour moved in a few months ago. He’s a young (around 30) single man. He has a huge amount of friends who are often high or drunk and always round. He frequently has loud parties in the garden with loud music and constant week smoking and bbqs from the afternoon until past 3am. his garden is meters away from my daughter’s bedroom window so she can’t sleep and can’t leave the window open otherwise her room will stink of weed. We can’t use the garden when he's having a party and can’t plan parties of our own as we’d be driven inside due to the noise and smoke.

They also use the narrow passage between our homes all the time, even in the middle of the night to access his flat. They shout and slam the door constantly. They park in my drive. His dog also barks solidly until the early hours when he’s left outside by himself. The passage is always full of his furniture and rubbish.

What should I do? I haven’t said anything so far as I feel a bit intimidated. Moving isn not an option. I have lived in this house all my life and my elderly father, who I take care of fulltime, cannot move. It is his beloved home and he is familiar with it and the area.

They didn't make a comment abusing anyone...

I would try speaking to him - he may just be thinking 'Oh, no one's said anything, so it's fine' and will realise he can't be party central and that he needs to be quieter going in and out when it's explained that he's disturbing you and your household.

In our last place we had a flat nextdoor that went through several groups of young tenants, some of whom were quite noisy but most of whom, when we explained that their behaviour was disturbing us, kept it down after. If they were out talking in their garden in the small ours it was keeping us awake because our room was at the back of the flat.

You report every party to the police for noise past 11pm and for smoking illegal drugs. Don't speak to him about it as he he doesn't stop he'll know its you reporting him. So do it anonymously every single time and keep a log of it. Then every morning report what you did and the outcome to the council via email so you have a record of it. That should put a stop to it and if it doesn't then yes, no choice but to move or contact all neighbours to try and all speak to him together before you put the for sale sign up.

How was it abusing your father to say he might be refusing to move?

Nothing I've said has been helpful? Except my first post which you said you'd follow my advice of?
I honestly don't know what you're seeing in my post that isn't there or what on earth was being abusive to your father. I was actually sticking up for you and saying there's probably very good reasons why you can't move. You are now just being really unpleasant.

Thank you. I definitely didn't.

she did. she said that my elderly father at 92 refuses to move. he does not. He is old. moving at his age is severe hassle. that is why i am here looking for hlep not to be told to pack up and move after 66 years in the same house becasue of one person. and comments like yours steer the conversation off topic. Comments like hers and yours are not helpful. This is a seriously stressful situation and I have come here for help. Thankfully, most people are helpful and

Thank you so much. That is really good to know. My council are usually very good with all sorts of things. I will make notes of everything including date and time.

I think you've misread their comment. You are being extremely rude for someone who wants people's help and advice.

You honestly need to have a good look at how you are reacting to someone who was just trying to help. I've been in your position and I know it's stressful. I didn't take it out on someone who was just trying to help. I was NOT abusive to your father. I was suggesting a reason it might be challenging to move to another poster. I was trying to support you. Not anymore.

Yes, that is my concern. If I don't say anything then maybe he will think it's party central. The two flats above him are annoyed as I spoke with them today. We may talk to him if it continues but I get the feeling the older single gentleman is very frightened of him.

you are wasting your time and not helping. I have absolutely not been rude. i am defending myself against pointless comments that are rude, aggressive and unhelpful. move on.

You have been rude. It's really that simple and other posters have noticed it too.

I get the feeling the older single gentleman is very frightened of him.

That's so sad. But I'm sure he feels better knowing that he has an ally in you.

my concern about reporting the illegal drugs is that he'll know it's one of us. and that puts the older gentleman at risk if he thinks it's him.

OP, I think @Standingupstandingout was defending you. I think you have misread some posts or got the wrong poster.

please move onto another thread as you are not helping. you just keep on and on. i am not here to argue

Do not speak to him

Just report.
And report again.
Report to all and every service available.

If he is one of three flats - there is a very very very good chance you are not the only aggrieved party; but if you speak to him first, you'll be the one he aims his annoyance at.

If he's having loud parties until 3am and doing drugs - he's not going to take being approached well.

If he's bought a flat then he must have an income.

A proper job or a drug dealer if the weed problem is that bad.

If he's a dealer you can report him anonymously.

Absolutely!

and that’s why you don’t confront or speak to him about this !

you report but he won’t know what (or who) hit him!

This!!!! I understand why but it creates the most awful catch 22 situation. I know someone stuck in their 'starter home' because of this!

Thank you. Some of my friends thinks he's dealing drugs and that's how he can afford the flat. He rarely leaves his home. That's why my other neighbour, who is seems a bit scared of him, or at least very wary. I didn't know I could report him anonnymously

That is amazing. I really had no clue this could be done. I'll look into this right away

Knock and ask him nicely to turn it down!

If he's rude or doesn't stop play something like Bagpipe music incessantly when he's having a garden "party" with his mates.

He needs to learn what's good for the goose.......

I used this tactic with a downstairs flat heavy metal fan. Half an hour of bagpipes had him turning his volume - and base - wayy down, so I turned off the bagpipes. He tried again a few times but the bagpipes went straight on.

He left after a month of peaceful coexistence after that - hopefully somewhere more remote and detached.

(I just remembered- the 3rd time I knocked to ask him to turn it down he wouldn't open his door but shouted "it's the weekend" ? No idea if he thought I became deaf at weekends or what!)

I will try the soft approach first, with cake/beer as suggested. I think that and reporting the drug stuff anonymously is the best course of action. It is intimidating though and will have to find what to say / how and when to talk to him. At 3am a few nights ago, one of his friends started kicking the door to the garden. I've no idea why but I suppose that comes with being high/drunk. Is your neighbour consistently better these days?