Help! My new neighbour is a nightmare. How would you handle the situation?

[rosebudding]

Help! My new neighbour is a nightmare. How would you handle the situation?

My new neighbour moved in a few months ago. He’s a young (around 30) single man. He has a huge amount of friends who are often high or drunk and always round. He frequently has loud parties in the garden with loud music and constant week smoking and bbqs from the afternoon until past 3am. his garden is meters away from my daughter’s bedroom window so she can’t sleep and can’t leave the window open otherwise her room will stink of weed. We can’t use the garden when he's having a party and can’t plan parties of our own as we’d be driven inside due to the noise and smoke.

They also use the narrow passage between our homes all the time, even in the middle of the night to access his flat. They shout and slam the door constantly. They park in my drive. His dog also barks solidly until the early hours when he’s left outside by himself. The passage is always full of his furniture and rubbish.

What should I do? I haven’t said anything so far as I feel a bit intimidated. Moving isn not an option. I have lived in this house all my life and my elderly father, who I take care of fulltime, cannot move. It is his beloved home and he is familiar with it and the area.

Can't you read the full post?

The OP cannot move. Read her whole thread

Presumably the occupants of the other flats in the building are also suffering. Could you approach them to do a joint protest? Three neighbours all saying, politely, look we are glad you are so happy to be in your new place...we too love it here...but the following issues are tricky for us to handle: lots of enduring loud noise, smoking weed under childrens' bedrooms etc etc.

Get a window fan for your daughter's room that blows out.

I would not worry about the effect of reporting on a hypothetical future sale of the property. Your present quality of life is more important and it's not as though there's a housing surplus.

Are you acquainted with the others in his building? Could you organize a group gathering and perhaps let him know the rubbish in common areas isn't acceptable?

Maybe the novelty will wear off and he'll settle down.

This

Definitely have a word - when things are calm. Don't do as I have done in the past and wait until you snap then go round with all guns blazing - that doesn't work!

Perhaps you could acknowledge that he's just moved in so wants to celebrate with his friends but explain why this is causing problems for you and your family. Could you maybe offer to do something for him - like pop in and feed his dog/let him out if he's going to be late home?

Get him a girlfriend. That will put a stop to the mess, the loud parties with fellow oafs and at age thirty he might start a family.

So I had noisy partying neighbours. I used to go out after 10pm to the garden and tell them to be quiet. You could always water your plants quite vigorously if they don't respond.
You can report loud noise to the council and this can be anonymous (we'll in my council it can) and they'll send round the noise patrol. It's presumably bothering other neighbours too so maybe you can agree to all report which will help.
My noisy neighbours also used to leave bin bags out the front which would get attacked by foxes and so I would cheerfully ring their doorbell at 8am to wake them up to clean it up. You could also gather the rubbish and place it in front of his door
If someone is parked on your drive, ring the doorbell ideally early in the morning and ask them to move.
Just keep waking them early and they'll soon stop !

Presumably his other flat neighbours must be getting fed up as they are closer and experiencing the same issues

so I’d report on the basis it’s highly likely others will do the same

Leave him a few bottles of beer and a note saying you're really pleased he's settled in, grateful to have such nice neighbours blar blar. Then say your child/elderly parent are struggling with late night noise and you'd really appreciate him doing x,y and z. Basically start off nice because you can get tougher if needed. However, if you start off hard as nails then going backwards to a good relationship is much harder.

Keep a detailed noise in case you need it. Keep a diary of the smell of weed.

Do the people in the other flats also own their homes? If so, they must be really fed up with it all and will be in a position to know if there is anything in the freehold that can help out a stop to it.

He can't be that feckless if he has managed to get it together to buy a place so maybe the situation will calm down over time.

If the weed smoking (rather than the noise) were reported to police I don't see how that could be classed as a neighbour dispute that would have to be declared if selling. Surely that would come under reporting a crime.

Of course she could move, even with an elderly parent. She would just rather not.

@StripedTomatoes - have you looked after an elderly parent?

Not if the elderly parent refuses

What have you got to lose by asking him nicely if the noise can stop at a reasonable hour?

Why should the OP move? Her neighbour should stop being an inconsiderate arsehole.

First of all, keep a diary and recordings of noise and things like rubbish left around.

Second, discreetly canvas other neighbours and see what they think.

Third, don’t whatever you do leave a note, but go around with a few beers and talk to him in a really calm and reasonable way face to face. Acknowledge that you are at different life stages. Mention that other neighbours are upset too. Give him a chance to change/improve. At least a few months.

Four, if situation does not improve over several months, take your noise diary to the local council and ask what the procedure is for making an official complaint.

Good luck 💐

Talk to him. You don’t need to be confrontational or cross. Just put it in a nice way that perhaps he doesn’t realise the effect his social life is having on those around him. He and his friends get noisy when they’ve had a bit to drink etc.

As above he may calm down a bit once he’s settled in. Plus I hear it’s going to be a wet summer so not many outdoor parties.

Official disputes have to be declared and will cause problems when you sell so think carefully before you do that

Yes that’s a very good point!

If he's only recently moved in, I would wait a while. It may calm down - at the moment he's excited with his flat and all his friends want to come round etc. This might all fade off.

Also, other people (the flats above) will presumably be suffering too. Maybe they will tackle him, but you have an elderly dad and a daughter to consider/keep safe, so don't you confront him.

Lots of good ideas here. I this one is especially good. Might go for this. Thanks

People saying ‘just move’ in this type of scenario is similar to saying ‘leave the bastard’ in a relationship thread. Like it’s so easy! Moving is a major upheaval & it’s not easy to sell at the moment anyway, the market is really stagnant.
OP I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this, it’s so stressful. I agree about talking to the other neighbours- strength in numbers & all that.

Any chance you can swap bedrooms with your dd? Get an aircon unit on Amazon for her bedroom and vent it outside?

I’d definitely talk to him in the first instance, be extremely nice. I’d say if he could please try and keep noise to a minimum after 10pm and also if he could smoke at the bottom of the garden because you have a child. I would probably say laughingly something like, “I know you’re not a monster and I thought if you knew there’s a little girl sleeping in the room upstairs, she is really struggling with the noise and the smoke. If you’re nice she might even help you walk your dog after school sometimes so it’s not lonely outside, she gets so sad hearing it barking out there.

I’d also try talking to the other neighbours and see how they feel.

Regarding him parking on your drive - I would put something in the entrance to the driveway so he can’t pull in easily eg your bins, or a big plant on a tray with castors. He’d be a really CF to move them out of the way to park. If he does then maybe you get a gate.