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What was 37 like for you?

69 replies

doyoulikemyyams · 01/06/2024 11:43

My 37th birthday is coming up soon and although it's by no means a 'big' one officially, it's coming with a lot of big changes in my personal life – an international move, a breakup of a long-term relationship, and a feeling of a new chapter starting.

Maybe it's to do with the sense that I'm 'approaching 40' more than 'in my mid-30s', and many of my female friends starting to think about approaching peri-menopause, but ('rightly' or 'wrongly') I'm noticing I'm thinking of myself and what comes next in a different way.

So I'm curious to hear what 37 was like for you – of course it'll be different for everyone, and based on what was going on in your life at the time, but thought it would be interesting to know how it was for you on the inside – how you were feeling about yourself and your life at that age?

OP posts:
doyoulikemyyams · 02/06/2024 09:13

Gosh, this thread is so wonderful – I feel very lucky to be reading all these stories and perspectives. I want to respond to everyone individually – and there's a LOT here!

@MaltipooMama what you say about a few 'fallow' years followed by one full of changes and events feels very true for me right now. Which makes sense – it's how things work in nature, right? Winter, spring, death, life, inhale, exhale. I feel like I'm on the cusp of an exhale after a good few years of quietly breathing-in – and it's a bit unsettling but exciting too!

@Itsdefinitelytimeforanamechange I hope some of these stories might give you some hope in the midst of feeling like 'happy' is too far away for you to reach without monumental changes. Sounds like many of us hit that point, and what I'm hearing in this thread is that we can simply never predict what's around the corner.

And again, @NoddyfromToytown2024 - no apologies necessary. You're in the thick of what sounds like a monumentally difficult time, especially in the context of womanhood, and it's important (to me at least) to speak the truth of what it can look like to be a person in the world. I'm glad you posted (and I'm sending you a hug).

@Twilightstarbright what an amazing turnaround – I hope you're proud of yourself. Sometimes one moment of insane courage can pay off in unimaginable ways, right?!

@Unexpectedlysinglemum I love what you've said about peaceful and loving female friendships. With so much focus on romantic love and connections, our platonic friendships get devalued in a way that I don't think serves us at all. A good reminder for me to nourish those in the same way I'd tend to a romantic partnership – thank you.

It's all making me think about 37 as part of a transitional time that's worthy of examination as much as the clearer 'stages' of life (the archetypes of Maiden, Mother, Crone – maybe we need to add 'Menopause' in there too!).

Feels as though it's a period that for many of us has been about re-negotiating who we are and making changes to prepare for the next stage – and that doesn't perhaps get the considered attention it deserves.

Again, I'm feeling very lucky to be reading all these different experience and perspectives.

Mumsnet can be a spicy place sometimes, but it's threads like these (and posters like all of you) that I keep coming back for – I have no older sisters, my mother isn't in my life, my grandmothers are gone, and right now I feel like I'm getting some of that intergenerational wisdom that many of us have lost in modern society. Really grateful – thank you and keep the tales coming!

OP posts:
FoleyHuck · 02/06/2024 09:20

36/47 was when it all started to come together for me!

I'd got divorced at 34 after a brief mistake of a marriage, spent a couple of years aimlessly travelling, dating and having fun with my single girlfriends, bought myself a flat, and then at 36 I met (now) DH.

We moved in and got engaged when I was 37, married at 38 and now I'm 40, 2 years married and we're impatiently waiting for our first baby to arrive any day!

Waitingfordoggo · 02/06/2024 09:22

Sorry for your loss, how awful to lose them together I always think how terrible it must be when things like that happen, traffic fatalities and so on.

Thank you @letsgoglamping. Mine actually both died of cancer, which no one could have seen coming as they were really healthy, active people who looked after themselves well. It was just very bad luck. (It did trigger health anxiety for me, unsurprisingly).

Interested in this thread?

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BumpyaDaisyevna · 02/06/2024 09:26

I don't remember a huge amount about it - I had a newborn and a two year old!

I do remember it as the time when other "mum" friends were really important in my life. We all seemed to have second babies about the same time. From that point all the way through primary school we saw a lot of each other at the school gates and for coffee etc.

Now the kids are all in the 13-16 age range, we are all working longer hours and secondary school is not the focus that primary is (parents much less involved).

So we don't see each other so much as we used to. Which is a shame but I think maybe natural.

letsgoglamping · 02/06/2024 09:29

Waitingfordoggo · 02/06/2024 09:22

Sorry for your loss, how awful to lose them together I always think how terrible it must be when things like that happen, traffic fatalities and so on.

Thank you @letsgoglamping. Mine actually both died of cancer, which no one could have seen coming as they were really healthy, active people who looked after themselves well. It was just very bad luck. (It did trigger health anxiety for me, unsurprisingly).

Yes I am not surprised. Your post really moved me. I hope things are a little kinder now.

lljkk · 02/06/2024 09:39

A blur of many small children to look after.

Twilightstarbright · 02/06/2024 11:01

@doyoulikemyyams I am really proud of myself and being able to say that is a sign of how far I’ve come.

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 02/06/2024 11:08

In a new job, career going well, if anything too well - balance is very difficult

one child at high school, one at primary, - a juggle but both pretty settled and thriving

marriage good, but both tired and full time work with little family support means we could be kinder to each other sometimes

settled in long term home and finally financially stable after many challenging years thanks to career taking off

had lost a lot of weight on the few years before but still really unfit and contradictory to earlier post saying you’ve got at least 10years before worrying about it - perimenopausal.

the greys started multiplying and my hairdresser appointments got much more regular

all in all 37’s a pretty good time

MyFirstLittlePony · 02/06/2024 11:18

30s we’re good, but very much “in the thick of it”, with young kids, work, immigration (3 times 😁) and being sensible about money

40s things started to come together a bit more, kids older, better work life balance, owning a home instead of renting, good health and parents in good health

late 40s early 50s massive wake up call and aware of the fragility of life, parents dying or getting frail, peers who did it get sick, adult children with problems….

you realise life never gets “easier” and there will always be bad things happening…. This then leading to enjoying life more and being grateful for what you have, having fun and now thinking 50s is my happiest decade yet 😁😎

peri menopause and menopause have not even featured in this. I know it can be a big deal for some women but I think right now social media are getting all millennials in a tailspin about this (it’s a disability! It lasts 10 years! It’s horrendous!) when for me and most of my gen X friends it was nothing very much. Bit of dry skin, bit of hrt, bit more careful with alcohol/food, bit more exercise, …sorted

Enjoy being 37, no need to start worrying about peri menopause! I am 53 and not even there yet

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 02/06/2024 11:26

@MyFirstLittlePony confused, you say for you and your friends menopause was no big deal then say you’re not even there yet? Which is it?

Eviebeans · 02/06/2024 11:31

It was a big year or 2. Got divorced - end of a long marriage, moved home, started a new job - a major change to what I'd been doing previously. My life was mad - put one foot in front of the other and keep going

PitterPatter3 · 02/06/2024 11:36

I was at last pregnant after trying for a long time and was just so, so thrilled to have finally got there.

RuthW · 02/06/2024 11:48

Worst ever. Dh left me. Went uphill after that.

DrCoconut · 02/06/2024 13:04

What @SpringShower said. I was expecting my last child and let my fitness go. I never really got it back. If I had my time again I would optimise my diet, exercise etc and get in shape ready for peri menopause to hit. I have far less energy now so I'd climb Ben Nevis/complete a marathon/whatever other energetic pursuits I wanted to do. Not saying 47 is too old for these but it would have been easier at 37. I would also possibly be a bit more selfish. Women are (often) raised to be people pleasers and I think I spent a lot of my younger life worrying what people thought and doing things to suit others. For example my ex had no ambitions to travel and see things really whereas I'd love to see the world. So other than a couple of trips that I insisted on for big events we didn't really go anywhere beyond local places and occasional trips away in the UK. Now I wouldn't be unpleasant but I would possibly think I'm in the prime of my life and I am going to do X, Y, Z while I can.

MyFirstLittlePony · 02/06/2024 22:32

@Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday fair point, I mean I must be perimenopausal
(statistically speaking) but am not yet in actual menopause. So that’s what I meant. Peri-meno fine so far

once I am on the other side I may find it different 😁

it was in response to OP worrying about perimenopause at age 37

Tarkan · 02/06/2024 22:48

I turned 37 two months after getting married so it was a pretty good one for me.

My early 30s had been a time of huge change with splitting up with my DC's dad then meeting my now-DH and moving in together. By the time I reached 37, things were feeling more settled and I was much happier with my life than I had been before, things really had turned around for me in just those few years.

We then moved house again just before I turned 38 into a place we've been really happy in and we're still in now (coming up on 5 years since we moved).

My health was a lot better then too. I have multiple health conditions which make losing weight and exercising hard but I was doing multiple hours of Pilates a week as well as a pole fitness class and my mobility was so much better. Sadly when lockdown happened and I didn't have classes I ended up struggling badly and I'm still trying to get back to where I had been back then.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 02/06/2024 22:55

I had my first baby when I was 37. That kind of dominated the year, alongside the HG pregnancy.

OatFlatWhiteForMe · 02/06/2024 23:01

37 was a tough year. Lockdown, throws of early menopause, lost a close relative after a horrific illness. It was a year I was glad to see the end of.

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 03/06/2024 10:54

@MyFirstLittlePony thanks for clarifying, I was peri at 37, as were most of the women in my family- unusual but not unheard of at all

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