What was 37 like for you?

[doyoulikemyyams]

My 37th birthday is coming up soon and although it's by no means a 'big' one officially, it's coming with a lot of big changes in my personal life – an international move, a breakup of a long-term relationship, and a feeling of a new chapter starting.

Maybe it's to do with the sense that I'm 'approaching 40' more than 'in my mid-30s', and many of my female friends starting to think about approaching peri-menopause, but ('rightly' or 'wrongly') I'm noticing I'm thinking of myself and what comes next in a different way.

So I'm curious to hear what 37 was like for you – of course it'll be different for everyone, and based on what was going on in your life at the time, but thought it would be interesting to know how it was for you on the inside – how you were feeling about yourself and your life at that age?

A lot better than 47. I felt much much younger then and had more energy. Make the most of your 30s.

We had moved into our house 3 years prior and ds was 1-2 years old, working FT and just being your average family the rest of the time. Loved being a mum to toddler ds and watching him grow, develop and discover the world.

There was stressful stuff going on too such as risk of redundancy for several years, job searching, serious ill health in close family, bereavements etc but overall it was a great age as old enough to have mature confidence but young enough still to have lots of energy energy!

Busy running around pre-school and primary school children.

In between home buying and selling, getting ready to move into our forever home.

Working full time and working a bit from home too.

It’s hard to remember because I was still deep in grief, having lost my parents aged 36. I also had a 7 year-old and 9 year-old. Everything is a blur really from 36 to 40ish. So I didn’t have any particular plans or expectations; was just trying to keep my head above water I guess.

@DrCoconut I'm listening! What would 'making the most' look like for you, with the benefit of hindsight?

@WeAllHaveWings I think this is probably what I'm feeling too - I know myself well now, and I've got a kind of grounded confidence that I'm looking forward to nurturing and growing as I get older, but I'm also not yet facing any health issues or changes in energy. Can't help but wonder if this is the 'sweet spot'!

Wow, @Waitingfordoggo, I'm so sorry you went through that. Grief does strange things to time, doesn't it? Hope it's become at least a little easier to navigate for you in the years since.

It was a mixed bag, really. I wasn’t really thinking about turning 40 and still very much felt like a thirty-something.

There were a lot of stressors in my life at that time.
I wasn’t particularly happy.

I had a school refusing, autistic 10 year old who was at the peak of his most challenging behaviour and a younger child to consider. Thewhole school run juggle was still in effect. I’d fucked my glittering first career and was building a second career, but still way down the ladder and not earning very well. I had very, very little ‘me time’! And I was drinking too much to ‘ease stress’.

On the bright side. , I looked the best I’d ever looked. I was really gorgeous! I’d lost weight, my skin and hair were great and I’d recovered my sense of style after the young children fashion wasteland years.

I’m 47 now and in a much better place, although perimenopausal and not as gorgeous .

My thirties were a slog - career building from scratch, young kids, not much disposable income or fun. My forties have been WAY more interesting, fun and fulfilling in a personal level.

Thanks @doyoulikemyyams, and sorry my response was not really in keeping with the spirit of the thread, but it was just a realisation… ‘What was I doing at 37? Hmmm…can’t really remember’

But at 39/40 I trained for a new job, so I obviously found some motivation from somewhere in the midst of the fog!

And yes, I’m doing ok. Loss of a parent (or both!) can feel like the world has shifted on its axis. It never quite rights itself, but you grow a new life around it I guess.

Hope your late 30s turn out to be a good time for you. As you say- no health issues yet which is great and make the most of that because many of us seem to be hitting perimeno in early 40s and that is a time of great change and readjustment so enjoy being the right side of 40!

I also embraced fitness in my late 30s and 40s (probably prompted by losing my folks and my subsequent health anxiety). At 46, I’m the fittest I’ve ever been.

My only ‘make the most of it’ advice to a 37 year old is to get fit if you’re not already. I didn’t start taking fitness seriously until about 43 or so and it’s been hard. Things ache more and recovery time is slower at 47, for sure.

I'd just had my first child so it was a bit of a blur. At 37 you are between 10 and 20 years away from the menopause so I wouldn't worry about that yet, enjoy your youth.

I’m 37, I have an 8 and 4 year old, but the biggest change I’ve made at 37 is to start exercising properly and cut right back on alcohol.

It’s made a huge difference to my life, I now enjoy running and going to the gym and only drink very rarely.

I think next I would like to start eating better, cooking from scratch, but one thing at a time!

More conscious about my health.

More confident than I'd ever been.

More able to relax and look after myself, starting to set boundaries I didn't even know I needed.

Better able to "let go", be that people or situations I couldn't do anything about.

Less able to cope with little sleep.

More bothered about keeping a tidier home.

I'm 37. I'm absolutely dreading turning 40 (though as my husband says 'it's better than the alternative'). I'm post-menopause by several years so that's neither here nor there other than the weight redistribution.

How I feel about myself and my life... I have a rare genetic disorder that isn't progressive but is cumulative, so over time more things break down and you end up in more and more pain. So how I feel is that while on the one hand, I wish I were functionally immortal, on the other it often feels unfair that I'm expected to carry on.

A big thing for me is that I have very little sense of purpose. I can't work a traditional job yet I still want to leave a legacy. I am a published academic but I can't spend as much time on it as I feel I should.

37 is amazing. Enjoy it!

@SpringShower that's lovely to hear (that your 40s have been better - not that your 30s were a slog!). As I get older I feel more and more like I'm being initiated into a bit of a secret when it comes to womanhood – that despite all the social messaging about 'disappearing' after 40, we're instead just quietly and rebelliously having a better time and feeling more ourselves 😁I'm here for it!

@Waitingfordoggo - no 'sorry' necessary at all. Life (and 37) will of course look different for all of us, and it's the wholeness of life experiences I'm interested in. I'm really glad you're finding a way to integrate your grief into a life that also includes other things – I've lost people in the past and have felt what you're describing, growing a new life around the loss. Not easy, not comfortable, but real and true.

@QwestSprout thanks for sharing all of that. I imagine conversations like this about what different ages "are like" might be weird for you, given that your passage through life has looked so different from what people expect. Means a lot that you've been so honest in response.

@Honourspren yes - it's that sense of confidence and boundaries and freedom that I'm feeling bubbling, too – and perhaps (your comment about letting go of things prompted this) something to do with a better awareness of the fullness of time?

I feel like I've got enough life experience behind me to know that letting go of something doesn't mean losing what it represents forever, and that new things are always around the corner. I'm not sure I fully understood that in my younger years, so I held on too tightly to things that didn't work for me.

You sound very wise OP!

I think many of us grow new appreciation for the little things as we move into a new phase of life. We realise how quickly time passes and how fragile our existence is. Many of us take fewer risks than we did when we were young, and we begin to feel wiser.

It’s also extremely common to care less and less what others think of us, whether we look to outsiders like we’re living a ‘good’ life, whether our successes match up to what society expects from us etc. I’m very content in middle age (not that you could be called middle aged just yet!) just pottering along, doing my own thing and not having to care what others think. Very freeing.

37 wasn’t an easy age for me for several reasons - I had a two year old born from IVF treatment and was really struggling at the time with the probability of not being able to have a second child (just as most of my mum friends and acquaintances were becoming pregnant again, I really wouldn’t want to experience the feelings of sadness and desolation I had at the time ever again). It was also becoming increasingly obvious that my DC wasn’t meeting their developmental milestones and I was starting to consider the possibility of autism (as it turned out they are not autistic but still not neurotypical), which felt like a heavy fog of grief to navigate. Additionally I was having marriage difficulties and some financial problems.

The positive - I still looked great and was told by
many people that I could have passed for 27, not 37 🤣 (and I really could!). I dreaded nearing 40 but can now appreciate how young 37 still is!

If I had my time at that age again I would have found the courage to leave DH (which was on the cards) and might then have been able to meet someone else and have another child. I also would have focused more on how to help my child with development and chosen a different nursery setting which would have aided that a lot more.

I honestly don't get the "disappearing" bit people say, well some people. Every year I get older I feel more visible in the world, more myself, get talked to far more, more confident etc. others have said the same. But I read about this invisibility all the time on here.

Not very helpful but I remember looking in a shop mirror ages 36 and thinking, "Oh God, I look old"

At that stage I had an 8 and 4 year old and was teaching full time going to 3 different schools, doing all the housework, cooking, homework, clubs etc then my XH would come home at 8, eat his meal then fall asleep in a chair till bedtime.

I probably look better now because my life is so much better.

Ah, @Divasaurus - the old 'if I had my time again'. I've had some of those recently, and keep reminding myself that all we ever did was the best we could with the information we had at the time. It sounds like late-30s is a 'crunch time' for a lot of us!

@Disturbia81 I'm happy to hear that. I wonder if there's any pattern to the people who feel like they've becoming invisible and the people who, like you, feel the opposite?

@RaraRachael what a busy period of your life – that sounds intense!

I had a 2yo and was desperate to get back to work. Being a SAHM didn’t work for me. I felt like I’d lost my identity.

I was 37 in 2020 and the happiest I have ever been. Good job, married the previous year, was expecting a baby and in the process of buying a house. Then Covid hit, house purchase fell through and I was made redundant. Sounds bad but so many people had it much worse than me, I was healthy and so was my baby & husband, we made the most of a bad situation.

One thing I remember from that time and still think about now is something my mum told me… ‘it’s a privilege to grow old, never take that for granted’. It’s so true! Yes we get older but we also get to experience so much in these years of life so make the most of it, there is still a lot to look forward to. Life expectancy is much longer than any other generation and 37 is still young.

Anything can happen at any time and it’s better to regret the things you do than don’t and those you do often make a great story later on!

Had a baby, so was on mat leave for most of it. Nothing else changed.

I spent it having four rounds of ivf. My ladybits saw a lot of action that year ( most of it not fun).

I just turned 38 last month so can remember all of 37 pretty clearly haha. It was one of my best years yet, completed a level 7 qualification in senior leadership, got promoted at work and gave birth to my first child. I think sometimes several years can pass by without any major change and then you get a few little wins (or losses) all in one year. But 37 was definitely a good one for me, hopefully it will be a great one for you too!