How often do you expect to hear from your child away at uni?

[CrikeyDozes]

My eldest hopes to go to uni on the other side of the country this autumn providing she gets the A-level results she needs. I will miss her so much.

Shes not great at texting and calling when out but I’m keen to establish a good contact pattern while she’s away. I don’t want to put pressure on her though - my mum wanted me to call daily and it used to feel a lot sometimes.

How often do most people hear from kids at uni and how do you gently establish good patterns of contact?

Big hugs. My daughter is just finishing her first year at university. Set up a family WhatsApp. We message each other regularly without the need for set time phone calls etc. We can keep track of each other and send photos, silly memes etc.
I usually visit once a term ( I book a nice hotel room for both of us) and treat her to dinner and shopping. I do miss her but it’s lovely to know she’s happy and independent without me.

Why do you have to set your family dynamic as the norm??! I think it’s odd that your dd never came home throughout her uni career but wouldn’t have mentioned that if you hadn’t pushed your opinion that daily contact is smothering.
Just do your family and let others do theirs 🙄

I remember in the 80s queuing for the phone box at the Students Union to call my parents once a week. After uni I lived abroad and we didn't have a phone so used to contact them every few months by going to a telephone centre - cost a fortune!

I think this is unhealthy - what like eating loads of sugar, snorting coke? Just let them do them rather than serving a great heap of your opinion on their family dynamic. If that works for them then it’s fine, why do you need to have an opinion on it?

Hahahahaah unhealthy?
What rubbish.
I have spent 2 hours this evening on the phone to my dd. Shes on erasmus. We were on speaker while i cooked dinner and she packed for a weekend with her mate. Her dad bobbed in and out of the kitchen shouting hellos as he wwnt about his evening.
We talked shite lol and talked taylor swift and discussed bus routes in germamy and all sorts.
We hung out basically. Except shes in germany and im at home.
Its fabulous.
I think its v sad that anyone would think thats unhealthy.

We rarely heard from them if they were having a good time, frequent calls were usually because things weren't going too well. And obviously they called if they were short of cash.

A good one if you have a pet, is to text a cute photo of said pet every now and then to DC. I always get a response like “aww” and it usually starts a conversation . That way it’s not sounding like I’m checking up on them. Wouldn’t work for everyone but works for me.

Aw I've had three go through uni now and one still to go.
Girls kept in touch a bit more than DS
When DS called for the first year, I'd be like " oh you need money !)
Now he's 21 and does call about once a fortnight but dc are all very close so we seem to see a lot of all 4 of them together since DD1 had our first grand child
It's like bees around a honey pot even tho we're all in different parts of the country / world !!
I'd say let it be led by them.
One day you'll look back when they are all back for something , perhaps sharing a bottle of wine, and it hits you that they are there because they want to be . They want and enjoy your company and I remember thinking "omg they all survived and have turned into pretty decent human beings ! "
It's a proud moment seeing them go off, but they will return to to the nest soon and in the meantime if you're anything like me you can fluff and feather the nest as much as you need to !

I once didn't call my parents for about 6 weeks when at university. It might have been more - it was ages.

When I picked up the phone on a sudden impulse to call, I got the engaged tone, as my mum had just done the same. Nothing woo had happened - my point is, I think families are always communicating somehow, even if not physically talking to each other 😂

I became a lot closer to my daughter when she went.to.university. texted almost everyday.