Are you selfish with food?

[Dollenganger333]

In my household, we will all give away our last rolo, so to speak. Except for dd2. Ever since she was a toddler, she does not like sharing food with anyone and did things like take the box of Christmas chocolates to school and hide them in her locker 🤣. She’s a lovely girl in other ways and nobody is perfect.

But, she’s the only NT person in our household. Which got me thinking that ime most people don’t like sharing food do they? Or am I wrong?

This does seem extreme to me. Sharing food is a very ancient way of forging friendships, who can't cope with one less slice of pizza.

I was read this book as a child, sharing was drummed in to me.

This book

the picture is so out of focus you can't read the title. Please share! 😊

I love sharing food - I enjoy tasting a bit of someone else's, and I'm generous with mine. DH and DD are possessive of their food and do not like to share - DH really identifies with that Gavin & Stacey sketch about sharing a curry. DS1 and DS2 are somewhere in between. We're all NT if that matters.

I don't think there necessarily needs to be a deep psychological explanation, linked to past experience or other needs not being met? It's just a personality trait, like lots of other things.

Better image

So my point is I think teaching DCs to share was part of my moral education as a child, alongside not hitting etc. My DCs would be reprimanded gently for not " offering round" sweets or treats, I can hear my mother's voice in my ears " if you open them in front of people, you have to be prepared to share". I can't get my head around individual pizzas or not sharing a takeaway curry. Who eats a whole box of chocolates without offering them round ?

Some if the examples given seem to be greed rather than just not sharing. Polishing off 3/4 of someone else's birthday cake is selfish and greedy. It wasn't her cake to "share". If a child I'm surprised no one stopped her eating that much cake and I wouldn't expect children to help themselves to cake without asking if they can have a slice.
I don't think anyone should have to share food once it's on their plate and think taking food from someone else's plate is a greed thing again. Different if you've agreed to order different things in a restaurant and have half each.
Re chocolates I agree that if you open sweets or chocolates in public you hand them round. You don't take more than your share of communal chocolates and don't eat a lot of someone else's chocolates offered to you. Greed again.

Yes I am! Everyone in my house knows not to touch my Boosts or Strawberry Pop Tarts!

my 13yr old dd is autistic and she is the worst and has a basket in her wardrobe of her treats in case anyone takes them.

to be fair though we all know who likes what and the kids ask if they can have something usually.
anything in the fridge is fair game.

We are a sharing family and I’ve been impressed at how my two boys (11 and 13) will always ask “there’s only one ice cream, does anyone want half” or just automatically leaves half for each other. My husband brought home a Twirl the other night and son 1 just calmly ate half and left the other stick in the cupboard, even though son 2 was out and wouldn’t have even known that the Twirl existed if 1 had eaten it.

My older one will say “oh (friends name) loves those biscuits you put in my lunch, can I have a couple more tomorrow” and I’m always happy to oblige.

They have their faults (messiness mainly!) but in generosity, turn taking and fairness they are fab.

I couldn't live with a greedy man. There seem to be a lot of those on display here. Sharing doesn't mean helping yourself to other people's food and treats or taking the biggest piece. That is just self centred greed. I've never had to hide food in our house and couldn't live like that. It would be a deal breaker

I agree - when my husband cooks he always gives me the “best” portion, the most attractive looking dish, and I do the same for him. Wouldn’t occur to us to do anything different.

I couldn't live like that, it seems both physiologically and psychologically massively unhealthy to have a box of sweets in your bedroom .

I love sharing food, but would hate to be asked to share. If that makes sense? Like if someone said 'ooh, can I have a bit?' then stares at my food till I offer some, it actually puts me off eating. Sometimes I'll just tell them to take it and I'm not hungry any more!
But, usually the first thing I do is offer food to others before I start eating myself. I love ordering sharing plates in restaurants though, and cooking for other people.
I'm an only child, if that makes any difference?

Some people are naturally a bit greedy or a bit selfish or a bit of a hoarder. Being in a family that emphasises sharing is perfect training for her.

Some people share naturally, some learn to share, and some never learn.

I'm a slow eater, if I have crisps (rarely) I can make the bag last me all evening whereas both my ex and my partner would virtually inhale the packet intact. So I have to put "mine" in a bowl by my side to make sure I get some! Same with nuts and chocolate, I will happily have 2/3 peanuts and maybe a few more in a while but they're invariably gone. I'm one of 6 siblings and we were taught to share (one cuts, the other chooses sort of thing and "family hold back in mixed company" don't take seconds until everyone has been up to the buffet etc)

Life skill: being able to pour 2 or more drinks to the same level from a bottle without them being side by side or measuring! 😂

I am not too bad but hate sharing menus/mezzes etc. Especially as I don't eat meat and the meat lovers have their meat and then some veggie stuff. Nooooo!

Hmmm, yes and no. Regrettably I have a bit of a greedy husband. I know some people laugh and mock but there ya go.

We will have a 400gm box of cereal for instance, and he tips around 80-90gms into his large cereal bowl. One 400gm box will be 5 portions for him. I have a particular cereal that I enjoy, and he snaffles the whole box sometimes, before see any of it... I'm lucky if I get one bowl full, as I don't have cereal every day!

So I buy two boxes and hide one. So when his box has gone, he has none left. I still have my full box. I wake up an hour or so before him 90% of the time, so I can enjoy the cereal out of my (hidden) box without him asking how come I have some when it's 'all gone.' He also eats 4-5 chocolate digestives at a time, and eats a whole pack within 3 days leaving none for me, so I get my own and hide them too!

He has Toblerones and Maltesers for birthdays and Fathers Day and Christmas etc though, and isn't keen on either, so he does give them me, and he always offers to share anything he buys to eat, so he isn't mean, but he is greedy.

But also yeah do I share food??? Yes I will give most people anything if I have more, or they don't have any - and I enjoy sharing. NEVER maltesers or revels though! They are mine! MINE! MINE!!!😆

@BobbyBiscuits

I love sharing food, but would hate to be asked to share. If that makes sense? Like if someone said 'ooh, can I have a bit?' then stares at my food till I offer some, it actually puts me off eating. Sometimes I'll just tell them to take it and I'm not hungry any more!

Yeah this. ^ Being asked for my food/being asked to share would irk me. Wait for me to offer dude!

Doesn't affect me in any way, shape or form but I hate seeing people eat like this. I just think, urgh, your teeth. I used to work with a woman that would make a standard bag of crisps last all day. Every time she ate ONE, all I could think of was crisps stuck to my teeth. I just think just eat them in one go then let your mouth clean itself and be done with it.

For me everything has to be even. I can share sweets and crisps etc as long as it's fair sharing.

But I don't share takeaways 😅

Also ND.

@LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway
Haha, I'm glad I'm not the only one. It was the worst when I was at work, eating at my desk. Sometimes someone would just ask me what it was, and look hungrily at it and I'd have to stop eating!
I hope your DH doesn't ever find your food stash! Some people are so greedy, like they just eat without thinking?
I'm obsessed with all food but love to savour every morsel, lol! Sometimes privately.

It’s things like if there is a birthday cake (not DD’s) she will eat about 3/4 of it and not make sure everyone in the house has had a slice before she finishes it off. Which means that in the most recent example of this, her 4 year old sister missed out on a piece of cake. I don’t eat cake anyway so…

I wouldn’t tolerate this. This is selfish and greedy. On hindsight she’s taking the full box of chocolates that were meant for everyone to share, she’s chosen to take them to school so no-one else can have any. I appreciate that one of your other children has a high level of care needs but I presume your DD does get quality time with you OP. If there was another birthday cake in the house I’m afraid there would be none for your DD after eating so much of the previous one that her sister got none. It’s a harsh lesson to learn but there’s no way I would be allowing one of my children to demolish the majority of a treat item leaving none for the others. You need to think of this issue longer term, how is she ever going to learn to share when she’s taking things like boxes chocolates and the majority of a cake now. If you don’t crack down on this now as she grows up she’ll think it’s normal.