Please help. Just found this on my dad's back.

[sprigatito]

My dad's partner died of cancer a few days ago, he and I were with her when she died, and I've brought him home with me until the funeral (and probably permanently). He's got Alzheimer's and his partner was his carer. He's been looking pained and twisting his shoulder, he said it's just a spot, but I made him show me his back and found this. It looks just like the squamous cell carcinoma he's had removed before, only it's enormous. He's lost weight and is pale and more vague and breathless than usual, but I thought it was just grief

This is really fucking bad, isn't it? He survived stage 4 lymphoma in 2017 and has a heart condition. I have a doctor calling me back from 111, but should I just take him to A&E?

Best of luck to your dad

Hope all goes well today & that the sun shines.

Thinking of you all today ❤

This just gets more ridiculous - he's developed a massive haematoma under the wound, huge swelling, bruising and dark purple patches. I noticed blood on his clothes when he came down this morning. I've spoken to the dermatology unit and sent photos, they've said he needs to be seen urgently...the funeral cars will be here in an hour 😭 so we are going to have to get through the funeral, then take him straight to A&E, then hope he's seen quickly enough to get back for some of the wake. DH and I are supposed to be running the music session at the wake so we're now fucking it up for everyone. Dad will be gutted if he doesn't get to play his banjo, we'd made a list of his partner's favourites. Fucking hell!

He's in pain and I can't give him anything other than paracetamol...we have ibuprofen and codeine combined but I've been told not to give him ibuprofen because of bleeding. The poor man has got to suffer pain on the worst possible day, I can't stand seeing him this miserable.

Oh op sorry to hear that op. I'd go after the wake tbh, a couple of hours won't make a difference so let him play his banjo then A&E after. I'd also give him brufen to get him through the funeral. One dose won't matter to his bleeding, obviously it isn't a long term solution but hopefully it'll be sorted later.

Oh god, OP. That's so unfair. Others will sort the funeral, focus on what you are able to do. X

I did think about doing the wake first, but I'm worried about Royal Stoke A&E once the Friday night rush starts, I once spent 14 hours in a corridor with him there when he had sepsis. The wake will go on all night (big Irish catholic family!) and I'm also worried about the actual banjo playing action, given the angle and location of the wound.

Funeral, A&E, back to the wake if discharged from A&E, as you expect the wake to go on all night.

Last respects at the funeral is important, then your dad's health (not that it isn't the ultimate objective), then the wake. The people who matter will understand, Yr dh can represent you and Yr dad at the wake.

Good luck @sprigatito

I am so sorry Op. I agree funeral, a&e and then wake. I truly hope waiting times are small, I send you much love and for your dad.

Haematomas are very painful.

He'll feel better when it's drained.

I'm so sorry this has happened today.

Oh God, that's so unfair. Bless him. Everything crossed that the funeral goes well and that he can be seen quickly, made comfortable and can get back for some of the wake. Xxx

Really sorry to read your update OP, hope you get seen quickly at the hospital

Been following this thread and just wanted to say fingers crossed you get it sorted quickly at the hospital. You have done such a great job advocating for him!

Oh no! Any chance his gp surgery has a nurse practitioner you could plead with to do it rather than a&e? And maybe get some cocodamol to replace the parametol. Your poor dad. Keep the banjo with you in case he can play from a&e waiting room, keep the crowds

That's a good idea, if it's possible.

That all sounds like a nightmare, best wishes to you all 🌷

Oh bless you all. Sending love and thoughts to you all.

oh no, what a nightmare! Hugs.

Hope all is ok OP and you managed to get your dad sorted. 💐

That was a completely bonkers day! The funeral service was beautiful, it was absolutely packed with people standing all down the aisles. Dad was very quiet during the service and had a few tears in the car afterwards.

Went straight to A&E afterwards which was hellish, there was a queue to join the queue for triage. We saw three different doctors and eventually a consultant, the upshot was that they cut open the stitches and then two doctors spent 45 minutes squeezing and pushing on the wound to force some of the blood clot out. It was utterly brutal and poor dad was shaking with pain. I managed to get them to prescribe some codeine...DH went off to pick it up and I took Dad back to the wake. Ten minutes later I got a panicked call from the doctor saying not to give him the codeine because of his kidney disease.

Everyone at the wake was waiting for DH and I to play and sing, Dad was adamant he wanted to stay so we did a couple of hours of music (he couldn't play his banjo, but he did get to join in the singing) then managed prise him away. He's knackered but mostly ok, what a fucking hard day for him though. He's the bravest person I've ever known ❤️

OP you are amazing, as is your dad.

Have a lovely, restful night.

What a day. So much respect to you and your dad, OP. Both of you are stars.

You must all feel as if you’ve been through a wringer. Thank goodness your dad has you. Hope you all have a peaceful night.

It was so good to see all my cousins and extended family, they all love Dad so much and we've got WhatsApp sorted now so it will be much easier to keep everyone posted and keep the connections open, for me as well as for Dad.